Well, the first thing I’ll say is: when planning on going on a retreat, be sure to sleep well the night before. I didn’t heed this advice and went to the church at 6:45 running on approx 4 hours of sleep. Ana and I were hanging out and I was making cookies at her place the night before. Oops. It was a pretty intense 36 hours of listening, talking, praying and eating. I met some amazing women of the parish and I’m starting to feel more like a part of the community – maybe not the whole community of Glen Rose, but definitely the church community of St. Francis Cabrini and St. Rose of Lima . We actually had about 8-9 people from St. Rose of Lima there, which was really cool because apparently that doesn't happen often. The dynamic of the churches reminds me of St. Margaret’s and St. Edward’s. I’m still processing some of what happened, but I can tell you that it’s nice to know that I’m not alone in some of the crap that’s happened to me, and some have had it much worse than I. It also reminded me that we never know what someone’s history is. So kindness is super important. Especially when we may be having a bad day and want to go off on the people standing behind our car keeping us from leaving – maybe they haven’t seen each other in years, or maybe they’re reconciling after a fight. Also you never know how much just a smile can brighten someone’s day.
I also feel very blessed with my family and friends. I know that you can’t choose who your family is, but I’d like to think that if I could have chosen my parents, I would have chosen Rae Dawn Arnett and Mark Short. We’ve had more than our share of issues with getting to know each other and relating on a level other than “I’m your parent, do as I say.” But honestly, the more I think of my childhood the more I realize it wasn’t my parents that gave me grief, really it was my classmates and the ever-present sisters. I don’t think of growing up very much because it was a pretty painful time, but I wouldn’t have traded it for someone else’s childhood because it made me who I am and thanks to what I’ve gone through before, I have a great relationship with both parents, their spouses and my sisters.
I do have to laugh, though. I was talking to my older sister about the fact that I’m really not sure where to go from here, no idea what direction my life will take or what goal to work toward and I mentioned that perhaps I should really start thinking about dating. She did tell me that she’s dreading the day I tell her that I’m dating someone and it’s getting serious. Made me laugh because I haven’t exactly followed her plan for my life anyways, so I’m not really sure what getting married would do to her plans. :P Love ya, Mo!
The thing is; I’m really not sure if I’m called to marriage and a family or if I’m meant for the single life. I’m pretty sure I’m not meant to be a religious person simply because I fell that I am meant to live in the world, just not be a part of it. I’m learning to recognize societal bull-shit when I hear it (sleeping around is OK as long as you love the person or – and this is my favorite – if it’s about connecting with them in order to get to know them better). I think I’m meant to really focus on becoming the kind of woman that I’m meant to be. And learn to walk with my Lord along HIS path, not one of my own choosing. The scripture that has been really popping out for me lately is the one about “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I don’t trust easily and learning to trust in the Lord and not “rely upon my own intelligence” has been a real struggle. A few years ago I realized that, while I am a control freak, the only person I can control is myself. Now I’m meant to give up that control to my God and trust that the same person who says he has good plans for me, also the same one who said to pick up my cross and follow Him – the way will not be easy. Anyone else seeing a contradiction here?!?!? Of course, living as a part of the world didn’t really work all that well for me, so perhaps I should just take that leap of faith from the lion’s head.
I keep on looking back at my life and I’m pretty sure that the reasons it didn’t go horribly wrong during those times that I had turned away from God and my faith is because of the prayers of my grandparents and Father Frits. And probably the prayers of people I didn’t even know were praying for me. Apparently some lady who took me to a Marian retreat once always asks Dad how I’m doing, so I’m guessing there may be some prayers there too.
You know, I have to laugh at my sisters – the younger one has decided that my 30th b-day is going to involve international travel…. First it was to Australia Romania
Oh, and update on the laptop – the hard drive went bad… apparently smoking, drinking and doing drugs and decided to stop working. So my IT guy has another one that he’s transferring all my files on to and then I’ll get it back. He did say he was able to save my pictures and music (WAHHHHOOOOOO!!!!!!) so that’s good juju. One that’s back I should be able to post on here more frequently and you’ll get to hear about how having Facebook back effects my free time (hehehe – hopefully not much, but you never can tell with me).
As for me and Jim – we still see each other about 5 times a week since he’s just across from work that makes it really easy. I’ve started taking a kickboxing class and I’m enjoying it a LOT. One of the ladies on the CRHP weekend is one of the ladies I know from Jim, which is interesting because I’ve noticed that when you know someone from one place and see them in another it’s kinda weird and awkward. The thing is, when I know that I’ve seen someone at church, or realize that we have that in common, I still don’t talk to them and they don’t talk to me. One of the ladies who put on the CRHP weekend is in the Granbury choir with me, she sits right behind me, and yet we don’t acknowledge each other at all. Is that a Catholic thing? Should I be the one to say hello first? Or should we let the status quo stay as it is?
Speaking of the choir, we’re doing a song from Wicked that has an optional solo… I’m wondering if I should try out for it. The song is awesome, really pretty and moving. I sooo need to see that show someday.
Anyways, that’s all for now because I’m at work and want to get this posted today, so remember to smile at strangers and tell people when you love them – you never know when that’ll make all the difference in someone’s life.
