Real Love

I've written before about love and how it's a verb, how it's an action, not just a feeling.  I've had a lot of time as a single woman to think about it, long for it, define it, and pray for it.  I've envisioned it as having a partner to live my life with.  I want someone who I can laugh with, who wants to share adventures with me, who is willing to work together to face whatever life throws at us.  Often those "whatever life throws at us" thoughts involved losing jobs, moving house, losing friends/family, etc.  I never thought about what "in sickness" could really involve.  Now I do.

Thorough certain sets of circumstances, I've been able to see the other side of love.  The not-so glamorous side.  The side that has to deal with real sickness, the long road of healing, the doctors, the appointments, the frustration, and the helplessness.  It's not the part of love that is celebrated in rom-coms, or written about in romance novels, or really acknowledged in any way until there is no avoiding it, but it's a very real part of loving someone.  To make that decision, to choose to love someone, knowing that you are choosing to deal with very real things is a sobering thought to someone who is thinking she might want to get married someday (just talking about myself here, don't freak out on me).  It's also not something I would have considered when I was younger.  Maybe it's a good thing to hold off on getting married until you've seen ALL sides of it - the good, the bad, and the ugly.  The funny thing is, it hasn't put me off the idea of getting married, but it has made me think very hard about what I'm willing to give to a relationship and to the man that I love.  It's weird, but I feel kind of privileged to witness the kind of love that I'm around these days.  It's not easy, but it's real and it's... the best word I can come up with is fierce.  

So that's been going on.  Work continues as normal, and I'm loving my online job with GRMC.  I'm doing stuff that I really enjoy and working with a boss whom I love, so that's always a good thing.  We even got the computer and the programs to work right after a few false starts, so woot!  I'm having a lot of fun meal planning, cooking, getting groceries, and occasionally eating out.  That's right, going to the grocery store is WAY more fun when a) you can read the labels, b) you understand the layout of the store and c) you can load all your crap in the car instead of carrying it home or getting a bus.  I don't think I'll take grocery shopping for granted again (check with me in 6 months or so, I may be wrong on this one).  I am surprised at how many random people will stop and chat with me - I mean, RANDOM random.  I thought I had RBF - but if that were so, people wouldn't be so friendly right... oh no... do I have... RFF (resting friendly face)?!?!  THE HORROR!!!!  LOL.

Dad and I took a trip up to Dubois this weekend to see the National Museum of Military Vehicles and let me tell you, it was awesome.  If you get a chance, GO.  I got to see the musket that fired the first shot at the Battle of Bunker Hill (first battle of the American Revolutionary War, "Don't fire until you see the whites of their eyes"), a pistol owned by Wyatt Earp, and so many awesome cars, trucks, tanks, motorcycles, and boats.  We were able to check out the vehicles from WWI - Vietnam.  The Korea and Vietnam exhibits were really cool.  The Vietnam one really seemed to want to immerse you in the jungle so that you could understand what the soldiers went thru.  For that one, they did have signs to say that if it caused an issue with PTSD or something, someone would come to help.  Their hours are 10am-5pm, if you want to do it all in one day, I suggest taking a lunch and eating there.  The tickets are good for 2 days, so you could also go and do all you can one day, then go back and do the rest the next day.  That is, if you want to stay in Dubois overnight.  They do have a lot of camp grounds and stuff.  I had to brush up on my history because I had either forgotten or wasn't taught about the Bataan Death March.  No wonder we were pissed at Japan.  

View on the way - it was a beautiful, cloudy day.  We've been getting rain here, which is weird.

I pretended to be Jessica... Dad had NO CLUE!

Big guns

What do you think this is?

Teddy bear on a bike!!!

I love how they name things - the Army is just as nerdy as I am.

This is a Canadian Otter - I want one.

Machine gun in a briefcase, anyone?

How about a garter pistol and holster?

Conditions in Korea were BRUTAL in the winter.  Remember, we were supposed to be home by Christmas.

Wyomingites like to bring WY with them.  Apparently in the WY National Guard, every time they are deployed overseas, they are issued a "Welcome to Wyoming" sign by the WY Highway Dept and they put the sign out wherever they set up camp.  It's a tradition started in Korea and has continued to this day.

Vietnam chopper.

Precourser to the snowmobile I think.  Dad and I didn't get much time in this room, as they were closing when we got there.  I plan to spend a lot longer in here next time I go.

I only made Dad pose twice.  So here he is with the tank outside...

And here we are with the same tank.  I don't have a lot of pix with Dad, so we had to do at least ONE selfie.

I also made a new friend.  I'm not sure of his name yet, but he is happy to ride with me and Boss in the Stink Bug.  Yes, he had to be Army, as E is also Army.  

Speaking of E, we are still speaking.  LOL - I'm looking forward to him and I being back on the same continent.

So life continues.  I'm working over the 4th (yay and ewww all at once), and I'm looking forward to the July stuff that Riverton has going on.  I'm trying to talk my sis into coming here so that we can go have a boozy day at the lake, but she's proving rather reluctant.  So I got her a jackalope and I'm keeping him hostage until she comes to rescue him.  We'll see if that works.  I'm trying to figure out a good time to go to KS, and trying not to think about the State Dept and how long it's been since I took the FSOT.  Much love, all.  MUAH! :*

The waiting is the hardest part

 So I had some time to myself this weekend, and my brain is being MEAN to me!  I've realized that I like being at work from open to close because there's so much stuff going on, I can't fixate on THE EMAIL.  That's right, it's become THE EMAIL in my head because so much seems to be riding on this.  Is that right?  Not really.  If the State Dept decides that my essays, personal narratives, and work history are not what they are looking for - then that's it.  Door closed.  Move on to plan B.  What is plan B you ask?  Well... I'm working on it.  It involves another job, and possibly a move.  I've done all that I can control, waiting to be judged and notified is HORRIBLE.

In other news, it's hard moving home after being away for 20 years.  A lot of my old friends have moved on and we're also stuck with the "our lives have diverged so much, do we have ANYTHING in common anymore?"  I've never been good at reaching out to people, though I did set up a date at the Depot with a friend from HS.  It's funny listening to her - we may have gone to the same school, but we had VASTLY different experiences.  I would have loved to have gone 'carping' (some straight-up COUNTRY stuff right there).  Apparently neither of us were invited to the after-graduation party.  LOL - no big loss there, I feel.  I think I've just been missing my TX friends... I have a phone date with Jess today, which should help.  Knowing there's so much in my life that is 100% out of my control is messing with my brain box!!!  I also learned that I only saved ONE duffel bag of clothes... my Theta Phi stuff, my WRHS band T-shirt, Boondock Saints and other T-shirts.  The other duffel had my blankets in it.  The cats were VERY interested in what I was bringing in from the garage.  LOL.  

Anyway, I just needed to rant a bit.  Ms ControlFreak is having issues - go figure.  That's another reason that I love my schedule though - most of the time the only person I can blame for something not going right is... ME!  And I get to have things going MY way on the weekends that I work.  I love it.  Anyway, I'm going to stress bake today - oatmeal raisin cookies for C, and standard chocolate chip cuz I can!  LOL - much love to all, MUAH!  :*

Busy, busy, busy

 A lot seems to have happened in the last 2 weeks.  Let's start with the FSOT.  I drove to Casper on June 1st so that I wouldn't be freaked out about getting there on time for the test on June 2.  I went to lunch at Jimmy Johns (beach club unwich with bbq chips and a soda), then I went to Best Buy to get a computer.  I had the email with the specs for the computer I would need, found one, bought it, and was out in about 10 mins.  Seemed WAY too easy.  Then I went to Target for fun.  Found some cards for some people, priced out some snack foods, walked around the Eastridge Mall (a LOT has changed since I was a kid and that was THE place to go in Casper), then I checked into my motel (Motel 6).  I checked around for a good brewpub to go to.  The motel is really close to Gruner Bros brewing, who make a beer called Devilito that I really like.  Unfortunately, all their food was about $20 so I decided to try Wyoming Ale Works, which had a much larger menu and was a little less pricey.  It took me a while to find them, because I didn't realize how much Casper has expanded past the mall.  I decided to have a whole table to myself (the waitress said she didn't mind), and I was there in time for happy hour.  I had 2 good beers, a side salad, and a BBQ chicken pizza (individual size).  The whole tab was about $20, which I deemed acceptable.  Then I went back to the hotel, read more in my history book that I was using to study, took a sleeping pill so that I'd be refreshed in the AM, and went to bed.  

Ze pizza!

June 2nd I woke up, packed up, checked out, and went in search of coffee.  Found a drive-thru only Starbucks, so I got a black eye (black coffee with one shot of espresso) and a cold brew (also with a shot of espresso).  I then drove to the Pearson testing center building and hung out in the parking lot reading my book until it was time to go in.  I went in, went to the 3rd floor, signed what I needed to sign, put my stuff in my locker, and went back to take the test.  Three hours later, I came out of the testing room, chatted with the people working there, said I hoped I wouldn't be back next year, and left.  I went back to Target for some snack foods for home, stopped at Ghost Town for snack foods on the way home, and headed back to Riverton.  

Protecting my arm from the sun and waiting for traffic to start moving due to road construction.  I assure you, I AM driving... you can even see the steering wheel in my sunglasses!  LOL... this pic lead to a long convo with my older sis about how I really WAS driving and no, no one was with me.

Wyoming looking rather more green than usual.  There are a LOT of beautiful drives in this state... this one isn't one of them.  Boring is the word.  Tho I did see an antelope laying in a field of tiny purple flowers - that was fun.

The other side... it wasn't a long wait, but I had to keep myself entertained somehow!

My proof I'm driving pic.  Mo says it looks like I'm driving on the left side of the road... silly lady.

When I got home, I decided to have a beer with dinner.  I was trying REALLY hard not to freak out about the FSOT because I didn't feel good about it.  I ran out of time during the English portion of the test and I second-guessed myself about who takes over if the pres and vp can't serve.  It is the Speaker of the House, BTW.  Always go with your first answer.

When Mom came home, she gave me these.  She said, "Pass or fail, you deserve 'em."  The paper I got said that I'd have my test results in 1-2 days, and to check my email to know when they would be in.  I was still trying not to freak out, because that's what I do with tests like these.  For proof, a memory popped up on FB the other day about when I took my GRE to get into grad school.  I get nervous when it's my life plans at stake!

Anyway, on June 3 I checked my email and BOOM!  The email came in at 10:50pm on June 2nd.  I followed the link, clicked the button, and found out that... I PASSED!!!  So I went to work that day relieved that I no longer had to worry about it.  Now they are reviewing my essay and my personal narratives (that's the qualifications evaluation panel) and in 7-8 weeks I'll get notified if I'm going to be invited to the next part of the hiring process.  That's the day-long interview kind of thing.  So step one is done, and I'm super stoked about the possibility of going on to step two!  It would be another trip to Washington DC for me.  If I'm not invited for step 2, I'm not sure if that means the end or if I can try again next year.  I guess I'll find out.

So work this weekend was good.  I had to laugh because we got some new shooters in... and they are a bit pricey.  

I can't imagine someone paying $25.99 for a SHOT of tequila.  But I guess you never know.  People do funny things with stimulus checks.  My job is a lot of moving 30 packs of Busch light from the floor to the fridge.  Same thing for 24 packs of Michelobe Ultra (beer water... WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE DRINK BEER WATER?!?).  I am usually pretty chill at work, but this weekend got me stressed a little.  I think it was because one of the sloshie machines was leaking, so I had to drain it to find the problem.  When it's the middle of a rush and one of the machines is down, it sucks because you're trying to fix the problem around a bunch of people and it feels like everyone is running around like chickens with their heads cut off.  I took my 2nd dinner break on Friday and was able to relax again, which was good.  The hours are long, but the people I work with are pretty great.  Even when they do give me a lot of shit about my fasting days.  M has threatened if I ever pass out, they are going to shove jerky and Mountain Dew down my throat.  LOL.

My Saturday lunch companion - Mom had to work and I was only having salad, apples, nuts, etc, so I did not share my lunch with Levi.  He was pretty adamant about it, though.

Sunday after work I came home, had dinner and then sat in the hot tub with Mom, then I took a shower and poured myself some Slow n Low over ice.  Lucy gave me this look - I think she was judging me.  

Me and my drink of choice.  David introduced me to this and it is SOOOO good.  It's a rye with orange flavoring.  Mom says it could be really dangerous... past hangovers confirm this assessment.  I do find that one glass does help me sleep thru the night, so that's nice.  

Otherwise, I found out that E is going to be able to retire so that's exciting!  He's been talking about coming up when he gets back and possibly going camping, which would be fun.  I haven't been camping in ages, so I told him to be patient with me.  He said he's camped when it was 9 degrees before... I don't think he's going to be prepared for a WY camping experience in the fall cuz it gets WAY more cold than 9 degrees (F for my international readers) in WY.

So my life at the moment is working, working, working.  I'm going to be getting my computer set up so that I can work remotely for GRMC, and I need to stop by Dad's to get my check for when I helped him with the concrete.  I am a lot of things, lazy is generally not one of them.  Being a manager is interesting, I'm trying to learn how best to work with everyone - some I can leave alone, others need more direction.  Anyway, I've certainly landed on my feet here and I'm enjoying being back.  Much love to all, MUAH!