The homesick post #1

So I guess one of the things that happens when people leave is that they give a lot of their stuff to those who are staying.  That's how I now have salt, a volleyball, a toaster oven, a full length mirror, and other various items.  I'm so excited about the toaster oven - I'm about to be making a ton of roasted veggies and stuffed peppers.  Here's to eating more at home!  Woot woot!  The funny thing is that the toaster doesn't really fit in my tiny kitchen, so it's going to be in the living area next to the fridge.  You know, you do what you gotta do.

So what they said was true - the fact that you're living in another country really hits you at the end of 3 months.  I got here Feb 16th, it is now May 30 and I'm realizing what I miss and why.  Here's what I've realized in the last week or so.

1) I miss driving.  That one I knew would happen, but the reason was surprising to me.  I've always loved driving and road trips.  I'll drive with people, I'll drive alone, I'll drive here or there, I will drive ANYWHERE!  Here, I can't drive.  I could apply for an international driver's license, but I have no intention of doing that.  Frankly, I'm afraid I'd hit a person on a scooter - the laws here seem to not apply to scooter drivers.  Anyway, the reason I miss driving so bad has nothing to do with the freedom to get in and go wherever I want and on my own time table (though that's a part of it) but it has a lot to do with the fact that behind a wheel is where I work out most of what's going on in my life.  I drive, listen to music, and figure out my life.  How I feel about things that are happening, why I've been thinking/feeling a certain way, who I need to talk to, etc.  And speaking of who I need to talk to, I often would talk to my older sister when I was driving (yes, we're both hands-free, so chill).  Driving my car, talking to my sister, working out my life - that was my JAM!  Now I'm forced to deal with everything life has thrown at me without my sister and without my drives.

2) Texting/calling whenever the mood strikes.  It really, really, really sucks that I can't just pick up the phone and call or text back home whenever I want.  I feel like it's been ages since I talked to my mom, though we messaged on FB about 4 days ago.  I email my sister every day, but I still would love to be able to call her.  We both have to arrange for wifi, to be online at the same time, etc.  It sucks so bad.  I love having phone dates with people (and I love that my bestie and I have a standing date on Sunday) but the ability to call when something happens is definitely something that I miss.  Also, having my friends be able to call me!  I miss my near-daily convos with Ana!

3) BJ's Brewhouse.  I need to get the heck off that email list!  They're having a beer dinner with beer from New Belgium brewery.  If you live where there's a BJ's and you like beer and food, I highly recommend going!  I need to either get off my bum and go to a brewery in Seoul or I need to make friends who like beer and don't mind going to different breweries in a weekend.  The good news is that A likes wine, so there are some winery tours in our futures.  I need to make friends with beer snobs.  I love the craft beer scene in TX as well - sigh... Revolver, I'm looking at you!!!

4) Amazon Prime.  I am cancelling my Amazon Prime membership.  The shows and stuff are not really avail here in Korea.  It's disappointing, but might be for the best, really.  I did do a bit too much ordering before and at least now I have to actually go to the store if I want to spend money.  Also, I'm trying not to put too much on my credit card because I'm not a huge fan of sending money home.  June is about to be a really lean month for me cuz I bought all the tickets for the July trip and my credit card bill is about to be outrageous.  Thank God for not having pay rent.

So those are probably the big ones.  There have been benefits to moving to Korea.  I message my grandmother more now than I ever did before.  I also got the guts to cut my hair shorter than it's ever been.  In fact, when I go back (probably in July) I think I'm going to have him take more off the back, but leave the front long and fun.  Turns out the asymmetric look is good for me!  I've enjoyed learning how to teach and manage a classroom, I've had some of the BEST food, and I've made some good acquaintances (coffee lady, chicken cup lady, Korean BBQ guy), and some good friends.  So it's not all bad, and I'm really not sorry that I came here.  It's just the little things that I suspected I'd miss, but didn't realize how much.

Here's the chicken from the chicken cup lady!  It's amazing - 3000 won for a cup of chicken and rice cakes.  It's SUPER yummy!

I've also realized that when I'm in need of comfort, I turn to things that have historically made me really happy: Metallica music, Friends TV show, sewing my jeans (they developed a hole... they are now capris and the hole is patched), cooking.  Basically anything that makes me feel like me.  The good news is that my youtube playlist that I listen to at work is friggin' EPIC!  I have the BEST taste in music, and don't even come at me on that.  Playing music at work has replaced playing music in my car on the way to work.  Which makes me laugh cuz when I worked at the hospital, I remember getting annoyed one day because the commute wasn't long enough for me to fully rock out before work.  Now I listen to youtube while preping my lessons.  Funny ol' world, innit.  (I learned I can't listen when grading writing notebooks cuz I pay more attention to the music than I do the glaring grammar and spelling mistakes my students make.)

At the moment, I know that I'm not 100% because I'm exhausted no matter what.  I slept pretty good last night (I finally bought a real sleep mask, but I still need something to block out the sun... I have thoughts on that involving a foam mattress cover and zip ties), but I'm still exhausted.  I think having a job that is this people-y is getting to me.  I am an introvert's introvert and I'm in need of a good weekend to recharge.  I think this weekend is shot because people are leaving and moving and I feel the need to help, but next weekend I'm not doing ANYTHING but staying in my home.  We also have Thurs next week off, so maybe I'll use that as a day to get things done that I'd normally do on the weekend so that I really don't have to go anywhere that weekend.  I could also use that time to call home.

I am going to stop by the chicken cup lady to treat myself to come amazing fried chicken before going to Home Plus to get some groceries.  Then I'll probably have ramen with an egg in it for dinner... maybe a glass of wine... then find something on Netflix.  Oh and also put some pix in here and post it.  I wrote most of this when others were getting lunch today ;)  I'm not sure how long it's going to take for people to think of me as being anti social (or if it's happened already) but I really don't care.  One of the best things I ever realized is that I can't control what other people think of me.  It was an incredibly freeing realization.

Why is there a potato on the top of the car?!?  We need answers!!

So it's Korean BBQ tomorrow, then helping people move on Saturday and then Sunday is Good Omens day!  Hehehe - woot woot!!!

Haircut!

So I decided to go ahead and get my hair cut.  I was going to wait until I hit a weight milestone, but figured, what the heck!  So here's the before:

This is pre-work, I had just gotten up and frankly that's usually when my hair looks the best.  So I researched places to get haircuts in Itaewon cuz I figured, at least then I could speak English.  So I looked and found Jay's Hairdressing on Facebook.  I messaged him and made an appointment for Saturday.  Everything I read about this place said 'Toni and Guy trained hairdresser' and it made me laugh because I thought 'you know, he could have just been trained by one guy named Guy and some person named Tony (or Toni) and then he could SAY he was trained by Toni and Guy.'  I highly doubted that was the case, but I can't help how my thoughts go.  I also read a review where someone was angry that they thought the cut would be 5000 won, not 50000 won.  I figure anyone who is expecting a haircut for 5000 won is a special case anyway!  So through FB messages, we set the appointment for noon, so that meant I needed to leave Dongtan by 10am.  I got to Seoul at around 10:30 and got coffee close to the cathedral.  Then I took the bus into Itaewon and set out to find the salon.  I found it fairly easy and ended up chilling across the street at Starbucks until about 10 mins before my appointment.  I wanted to give myself plenty of time to get lost/have bus troubles/walk/any other circumstance beyond my control that could possibly make me late to the appointment.  It's times like this that I really miss having a car you know.  I mean traffic happens everywhere, but I'm not used to relying on others... which is still extremely true.

So I was walking up the stairs to Jay's and there was a man behind me.  Turned out to be Jay!  So he had me put my bag in a locker and then we went straight to the shampooing.  I was so relaxed, I nearly fell asleep while he was washing my hair!  Based on the scent, the shampoo and conditioner he used had tea tree oil in them.  He straight up gave me a scalp massage, wash, shampoo, then something else (I don't know what, but he rinsed my hair 3 times).  It was so relaxing and wonderful.  We were the only 2 people in the whole salon.  There was plenty of room for other hairdressers, but I guess noon on a Saturday isn't a busy time for him.  He spoke perfect English and I showed him the picture of what I wanted.  He got into the cut and was extremely thorough.  It took about an hour and a half, but what I walked out with was amazing.  

My hair was so soft and it looked so good!  It might be a little short... this was the first time I've ever had a hairdresser use a razor on me!  It's not quite a full pixie, but I think it's pretty darn flattering.  So after this, I chilled at another coffee shop until my friends came up from Dongtan.  They met me on the way to Vatos and we went for food and margaritas.  It was really nice.  We then decided to do a bit of shopping and then we came back to Dongtan.  After hanging out in Dongtan for a while, we went to Suwon which has an American Army base.  We went to a bar not too far from the base.  It was called Country Bar.  There were a lot of guys (obviously), the drinks were cheap (which was nice) and the music was... you guessed it... country!  J was really funny because it was pretty much what she expects to see when she goes to the US.  I plan on taking her to the Landing when she comes to WY with me some day.  LOL.  I did enjoy watching the people dance.  Guys, really, if you can dance you're at least 30% more attractive than if you don't dance.  Trust me.  I really enjoyed watching one guy who I nicknamed Tex.

Gotta love the line dancing, right?  I fell in love with the older Korean bartender.  She was mixing some shots, had leftover in the shaker, and just downed it.  I figured if I were an older Korean bartender lady, I'd do the same thing.  So when things were winding down around 12:30 (the soldiers had to be back on base by 1am) we met a really nice guy who also gives good hugs.  And that's when J realized that I really do enjoy a good hug.  I mean, as huggers go, he was at least an 8 (strong without trying to crush you).  I call it a win.  Also studies have shown that women need at least 3 hugs a day just to maintain their sanity... I am WAY behind on my hugs here!  LOL... at least I can hug Soju.  

So we took a taxi back to Dongtan, everyone got in their respective homes by 3am, and a good time was had by all.  Today my friend T is coming over to discuss the possibilities for our July trip.  I was able to video chat with my bestie for 2 hours and we realized that thanks to the wonders of technology, we could even watch a movie together!  It was really good to see her and her hubby!  I'm also going to run to T and D's apartments to pick up things that they're giving to me before they leave.  We're officially in the last week of them being in Korea.  C and H are established in their apts, and they both seem really lovely.  It's going to be a good year :)  Basically my Sunday so far has been great.

One thing I'm kind of struggling with is my introverted tendencies and need to be sociable.  For the most part, I think I'm balancing things pretty well, but I might need to not go out this coming weekend.  It's been good getting to know people but I need a good recharge.  I also need to get a sleep mask!  Waking up at 6 am because the sun has come up is NOT good for me.  I'm feeling pretty darned exhausted lately.  I also have decided that I need to curb the going out... finding the balance of going out/staying in, spending/saving, socializing/recharging, etc is going to take some time.

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

So it turns out that perhaps drunkenly playing football (soccer) at 2 am in the dark isn't the best of ideas.  J (who was sober) officially screwed up her tendon in her foot due to being kicked by M (who was not).  She's OK tho cuz she scored the winning goal (priorities, you know).  So she's been on crutches since Monday night.  She's gotten pretty good with them, but she's not totally enjoying the experience - which is understandable.  So A and I have been trying to keep her mind off of it, going to dinner with her, taking the bus, basically doing whatever we can to make her a bit more comfy.  It's been a long week for all of us so we're going to Itaewon on Saturday (again, I know) for a Vatos run.  I've also decided that it's time for my haircut.  Officially I'm still about a 5lb loss away from where I wanted to be (the haircut was supposed to be a reward), but I'm so done with dealing with the hair!!!  So looking at a short bob with a side bang.  I got an appointment at an English-speaking place via Facebook, so Saturday it's bye-bye hair!

So one of the things that A and I have done to help take J's mind off of stuff is going out to eat.  We went to a place close to home called Quattro's.  It's a salad, pasta, and pizza place.  Now, those of you who know me know that I love Papa Murphy's pizza.  My favorite one is the gourmet veggie (minus onion, plus chicken) which I lovingly refer to as a salad on a cracker (I always get thin crust).  So I see that at this place is a pizza called an Insalat.  I figure, what the hell, give it a go.  What comes out is literally a salad on top of a pizza!  Turns out this is a thing in like New York and places (A is from New York and set me straight).  Look at this thing!

 It tasted GREAT, don't get me wrong, it was just unsettling to me.  And actually this was before we knew J's tendon was totally messed up.  We went back and we had one of their specials.  You get a big bowl salad, pizza, and pasta for about 31000 won.  Which split between 2 isn't bad.   We also had wine that night and let me tell you, getting it by the glass was much better than by the bottle.  A and I had 3 glasses each but at the end of the night he had to open a new one for us, so he just poured about half of the bottle in A's glass, then about half in my glass, and saved a bit for himself!  So we got a whole bottle of wine for 5000 won each!  I'm telling you, I love that place and we will/have gone back a lot. 

We have 2 new people coming in to work today.  H and C.  Then next week is D and T's last weeks.  So there's shuffling of classes going on at work, and talks of playing baseball tonight to get to know the new people better.  Personally I'm passing on the baseball cuz I'm going to go to Emart to buy an actual coffee maker!  It's still going to need a kettle for the water, but I can either get a small french press or a small glass coffee maker thingy which looks really cool.  ;)  I had to laugh at A last night when we were talking because she gave me the weirdest compliment.  Apparently I have a lot in common with her ex boyfriend (with the exception of the manipulation), and she said she never expected to meet someone who reminded her so much of him, but was, you know, me.  LOL - I gotta say, if I were a dude, I'd date me. 

J, A, and I all went to BBQ last night.  The same place we always go.  The guy who runs it has an English name of John.  He's super sweet.  He kind of reminds me of my friend James from back home, just the Korean version (striking cheekbones is the commonality).  We ended up talking about songs and family and the next thing we know we're singing along to Billy Joel (we were the only ones in the place at this point).  Turns out that A is from the same home town as Billy Joel (she knows Virgina from 'Only the Good Die Young'), and that John is a HUGE Billy Joel fan!  It was so funny and random and just kind of made my soul happy.  I then mentioned 'She's in love with the boy' is the song I always associate with my mom singing and dancing in the kitchen.  J put that one on and I ended up singing along to it.  So now J knows that I can sing.  LOL - I see karaoke in our future.  There's plenty of places you can go to rent a room and sing for an hour, I just can't remember the word for them.  Noraebang - that's it.  They're called noraebangs. 

Work continues... the younger classes are challenging, as is dealing with the pollution.  It's getting to where I can actually tell when it's bad.  It's been rather interesting learning how to use my phone... I did realize that I can download pix from FB to my phone, so now I can carry pix of my bestie and her hubby with me!  Took the 'before' pic for my haircut today.  Been taking my new thyroid pill... not sure if the dose is right, but that appt is in July so we'll deal with that then.  And that pretty much gets you up to date! 

Getting a phone

So the guy that I met about 3 weeks ago sent me a friend request on Facebook.  We chatted a bit and then he told me that he knew of a place where I could get a cheap phone.  I agreed to meet up with him yesterday in Itaewon to go to this place.  I think it was in Youngsan - but it was a whole electronics mall.  So many places with phones.  I didn't know what the hell the difference was between all the different models - seriously, they all look alike!!  So he helped me choose a Samsung Galaxy S6 band LTE.  Whatever that all means.  Essentially, I have a phone that works in Korea.  The guy cut the SIM card down so that it would fit in the phone, so I guess the one that I got from Amazon wasn't unlocked after all (booo). 

It creeped me out a bit because we put the SIM card in and one contact popped up!  I figured out that what must have happened is before I knew that my dumb phone from home was locked I saved a phone # to the SIM card, so it was still there.  See, this is why I don't trust technology - I need to know how things work!!!  I'm glad to have figured out that my hard drive in my computer is dying, but that also means that all of my pix are now saved on my external hard drive which only worries me a little bit.  I mean, if something happens to both hard drives, I'm screwed!  So part of me thinks that backing crap up on my google drive isn't a bad idea... then my sis reminds me that we should make it harder for the unseen overlords to know EVERYTHING about us... course now that I have a smart phone, the interwebs will know more about me than they should... but don't they already?!?  I mean, privacy is essentially a thing of the past and has been for at least 10 years or more.  Call me a cynic if you want too, but we've all thought about something and then had an ad about it pop up in our feeds.  My favorite is still my Uncle who had a smart speaker in his home, realized that it really never stops recording, unplugged it, let it die, and now essentially uses it as a paperweight.  Hehehe - I loves my family.

I will say that it was nice being connected to wifi and getting a message on hangouts from my grandma.  Messages from her always make me smile, so that was really nice.  I like that technology keeps us connected, I'm just nervous about how my locations and stuff like that could be used.  I might have watched too much James Bond growing up... I don't know.  Anyway, the point is that I have a phone.  The saga has been finished, I'm not just like everyone else (you should hear the screaming in my head). 

So back to yesterday.  We found a quiet bar in Itaewon to have a drink, which was nice because I really don't handle crowds well.  I'm much less of the 'let's go to the club' chick and more of the 'let's get cheap booze and drink in the park' kind of chick.  At least I'm able to recognize when the anxiety is getting to be too much so that I no longer have full-on panic attacks.  I'll never forget basically running over a chick to get out of a club in Niagara Falls.  They had an AMAZING beer there - Trappiste Rochfort.  It was a really good brew from Belgium.  I have to tell you, those Belgium monks know how to make some damn good beer!!

So after we had our drinks and he found a hostel, I went to Gangnam to meet up with A.  She was there with one of our co-workers, his girlfriend, and some other friends.  We then all had a drink and shared a cab back to Dongtan.  It wasn't bad with the 4 of us sharing the cost.  I got home at about 4am.  Slept for quite some time, but also found it interesting that for the first time since I've been here, I heard the sounds of a party outside somewhere.  I knew it happened, but this was the first time I heard it!

Speaking of the apt, I have a problem.  So I rearranged my place a few weeks ago to make it more homey - and it worked!  Somehow having my bed in a different place just made it feel better.  Feng shuy I suppose.  Well, it's been warm here, so I turned on my A/C.  Where my bed is, the A/C hits me right in my face when I try to sleep.  This is not conducive to a good sleepy time.  So I moved my bed back to where it was originally.  Now it's not quite so bad, but still hits in the face.  The place is not big enough for a super rearranging, but I need to be able to sleep!  So I'm trying to figure out how to arrange my apt so that it still feels homey, but I can also sleep without alternating between freezing with the A/C and sweating to death if I turn it off!  I know, I know, first world problems and all that.  At the moment, the place is back to how it was and I'm planning on putting my head on the end of the bed that isn't under the A/C.  LOL - if this is the worst problem I have this summer, I'm GOOD!

Oh, I also went to Lush yesterday!  (I looked for shoes too but DAMN they're expensive!)  I figured out why I need to learn Korean - I love chatting with people who I come into contact with in shops!  I want to be able to chat with my coffee lady in her language.  I want to tell the lady who checks me out at Emart that the fluffy kitty is for me!  I spent a good 45 mins (at least) with the sales lady (who did a GREAT job, btw) talking about the products, how to use them, what would be best for summer skin vs winter skin, what my friend might like for her bathtub... it was so nice!  It was also funny because some of what she was trying to sell I was just like 'yep, got it!'  I should just friggin' work for Lush.  Or Vatos.  Good, ethically sourced skin care or Mexican food and margaritas.  Hmmmm, tough decision!  LOL.  

On a more personal note, the guy yesterday used a word to describe me which is perfect for how I'm interacting with men these days.  He said that I am 'unapologetic.'  And that is IT - that is the word!  I'm not going to apologize for being who I am.  I used to - back in the day if I was uncomfortable with something or if I didn't want what the guy wanted, I would apologize profusely.  At some point, I decided to stop apologizing.  I am who I am.  Some things I'm comfortable with, other things I am not.  But I'm not going to apologize for how I feel.  My philosophy for friendship has FINALLY spilled over into my philosophy for dating - you either like me or you don't and it's no skin off my ass either way.  There's been so many situations over the years that I could have avoided by being a bitch... now I am 100% comfortable with being that bitch.  LOL.  So yep, this is me - unapologetic.  You'll either accept me on my terms, or we can shake hands and part ways.  Talk about empowering ;)

So yeah, that's pretty much what's up at the moment.  Korea is still all about the good people, good food, good drinks, and good times.  I just need to figure out how to get Kakao to work on my phone to be 100% connected in Korea.  Also, I have no intention of changing to a data plan - if I have to wait for wifi to do stuff, I'll feel like I can still live in the real world.  I just won't have to lug my computer with me everywhere I go ;)  LMAO!  Little buddy be SAVED!  Poor thing is getting a bit weak in the bottom.

Getting into the Routine

I feel like perhaps I've become settled into my routine.  During the week it's get up, have coffee, go to work, then either go out to eat with co-workers or go home, watch some Netflix, go to bed, repeat.  The weekends are different - they involve trips to Seoul or Suwon, usually either with people from work or training.  I'm becoming more comfortable with just being in a foreign country, which is a good thing.  I also finally found a small French Press, so shortly I'll be able to have a different kind of coffee than what I've been having (what I call the cheap Keurig).  I'm starting to figure out how to cook Korean food, and am planning on perhaps having people over one of these weekends and cooking for them (though they'll have to bring their own plates, chopsticks, etc).  LOL - I don't want to invest in more dishes since I can't take it with me, you know?  On that note, I am getting a full-length mirror and a toaster oven, so WOOT WOOT!!!

Oh, also Wednesday was Teacher's Day.  Tuesday 3 of my kinder kids gave me Starbucks gift cards, and 2 gave me cards that they had made.  It was so sweet!  I find it funny, with the younger crowds I have one class that I love and one class of the same level that... well... not so much, you know?  On Teacher's Day I also got whitening face masks, lip balm, Mentos, soap (from work) coffee, and food.  Just for those of you who don't know - teacher always wants BOOZE!  It's funny to look back on my life and wonder about my class in school - never expected to see this from the other side!  If I ever get to HI, I'm treating my old teacher to some hard drinks of her choice!  Also, should I run into any of my old teachers when I'm back home, same.  My older kids are easier for me to handle - they actually understand my sarcasm sometimes.

I have to tell you about my coffee shop.  So I go to one place every day before work to get either an Iced Americano or a Cold Brew.  The lady who is there is the same one every day.  She's a sweet, young Korean lady.  One day about a week ago, I was trying to buy a tomato for my salad.  Now, I'd tried to buy just one tomato from Emart, and was told that I couldn't.  Then I tried at the shop near work and they didn't have one, either.  Walk into my coffee shop - there's tomatoes!  So I asked the lady if I could buy one.  She looked at me like I was psycho and said 'for juice!'  I laughed, she laughed, I left with my coffee.  Fast forward to yesterday - a new coffee shop opened opposite the alley from my coffee shop.  They were offering free Americanos for their grand opening.  I still went to my usual coffee shop because, you know, loyalty!  I ordered my cold brew, was getting ready to leave, and the owner of the coffee shop hands me a container with a bunch of cherry tomatoes in it!  The usual lady looked at me, laughed and said 'I remember you like those!'  I almost died laughing!  So now I need to go to the store to get lettuce, cucumbers, and bell peppers (or capsicum, if you're not from the US) for a salad!  I officially have enough tomatoes!

We tried a new restaurant last night - it's just down the block from my apartment and it's called Quatro.  It's an Italian place.  Let me tell you - M and I split a special.  There was salad, gorgonzola pizza (which came with honey and also honey with red peppers in it), and we also got the carbonara pasta.  IT WAS SOOO GOOD!  I officially know where I'm going when I'm craving salad and don't want to make it myself!  We then stayed out WAY too late (4am, I think is when I got home) talking to some Korean people that we met in the park (they were playing Ah-ha's Take on Me and also BSB - it made me happy).  The girl was impressed by my tats, and even more impressed that I was able to tell my Mom about them!  She had 2 small ones that were super cute.  Then she ran home, came back with her skateboard, and we all had a go.  I tried to ride unassisted, which was a BIG mistake (I expect a really pretty bruise to happen in the next day or so).  I did have to laugh because I mentioned that I saw BSB back in the day, she asked how old I am, I told her, and she said she would NEVER have guessed.  Apparently I still look like I'm in my late 20's, so woot!

This weekend looks like it's going to involve a trip to Seoul to meet up with a new friend and possibly (cross fingers) find a cheap, decent phone.  I'm gonna go ahead and say that it's been a good week.  I'm settling in at work, I like where I live, I like my co-workers, and the random people we meet when we're out.  Life is good, people.  :)  Will keep you updated on the phone situation, just took some ibuprofen for the headache and about to go get some more coffee.  MUAH! :* Love to all, and have a good weekend!

The Illusion of Control

So there's a movie that I saw a while ago.  It has Cuba Gooding Jr and Anthony Hopkins in it and it's called Instinct.  In it, there's a great scene where Anthony Hopkins is threatening Cuba Gooding Jr with death by strangulation.  He threatens to kill him unless Cuba can tell Anthony what he's taken away.  Cuba first writes "control," which is not it.  Anthony points out that he never had control to begin with.  Then he writes "freedom," which Anthony quickly refutes.  You are not free, you go to work, you go to the gym, you conform yourself to societal norms, so how can you be free?  Cuba finally gets it when he writes "My illusions."  With that, Anthony lets go of him and says there's hope for him yet.  That scene has stuck with me for years.

I am, I admit, a control freak.  I like to feel like I know where I'm going and that I can change my direction if I so choose.  I like knowing that I'm the only one who is taking care of me, because for so long I've been the only person that I trust to do this.  However, I'm having to continually confront the fact that my 'control' is only an illusion.

Just sharing another pic cuz I like it and you know, why not?

There's another movie with Sandra Bullock called 28 Days.  In that one, Viggio Mortensen gives Sandra a tutorial on how to throw a pitch.  He says to her 'You can control the little things - your stance, when you let go of the ball, how you bring your arm forward.  You can't control what happens at the other end, that's someone else's job.  Just focus on what you can control.'  This has also stuck with me.  There were so many things about coming to South Korea that I couldn't control.  I couldn't control the visa process once I sent all my paperwork, I couldn't control what school I was placed with, I couldn't control if I'd have a roommate during training or what kind of apartment I was going to get. This is only naming a few!  However, I could control my attitude about having a roommate during training (which worked out well, BTW, because E is amazing).  I could control how I felt about my apartment (the shower/bathroom?  Well, at least I don't have to worry too much if the toilet overflows.  Also, bonus - I have somewhere to put my leg when I'm shaving!).

What I find myself struggling with the most is my lack of control over my work.  I've always been one to strive for perfection.  Throw me into a job at a hospital where I don't know jack?  Tell me where to find the info I need and I'll figure it out.  Qnet, TJC, T-systems, Evident?  I'll figure out how to find what I need.  I ended up friggin' OWNING that job (thanks mostly to my boss who would give me something and then trust me to figure out how to get it done.  The degree of freedom I had at GRMC is something I will forever cherish about my time there.  That, my amazing boss, and fantastic co-workers).  Here I have no such control.  The lessons are already planned, the kids know more about the process than I did, I'm not often told when things change (partially because I don't have Kakao), and at times I feel like a mushroom (intentionally kept in the dark).

On the other hand, I know that the people I work with are trying to manage not only the Korean teachers, but also all the native English teachers.  That has to be a pain in the ass because the Koreans expect something different from what the Americans, Brits, South Africans, Australians, etc do.  Which is to say that Americans expect a different environment than Brits, who expect different from SA, who... you get the idea.  There's such a hodgepodge of cultures at work that it would be impossible for the staff to cater to all of us.  So what I'm really struggling with is what I'm going to call the 'Hotel Transylvania 'roll with it'' attitude.  I'm trying to take my "control freak, wanting to be in the know constantly and prepare for every eventuality" self and become a 'roll with it' chick.  Stuff with Jeju got cancelled?  Roll.  Unanticipated student in my class?  Roll.  Friend cancels at the last minute?  Just roll with it.  I'm not here to predict, control, or dictate what happens to me, all I can really control is my reaction and attitude to what happens.  What's the point in getting all bent?  It changes nothing and makes me miserable in the meantime.

This is the attitude I'm striving toward - the knowledge that while there are some things that I can control, the vast majority of my experiences will be TOTALLY beyond what I could possibly control.  That is life.  If I'm ever going to be open to changing my narrative, I'm going to have to become open to things that I can't control.  The prospect of this scares the crap outta me, but to grow is to change, right?  And growth can hurt!

Here's to remembering that I never had control in the first place, everything can change in the blink of an eye - all that is up to me is how I react to it.  And again, I like this pic... I look GOOD (consequently that's another thing that I can/can not control, but that's a post for another day).

Jeju Weekend

We had a 3-day weekend this past weekend for Children's Day.  So a while ago, I booked a trip with a company called 'Enjoy Korea.'  Three of my friends from work booked the same trip, so we all traveled together.  After work on Friday night, we went into Seoul.  They wanted to buy fanny packs (Mo, you want one?  I thought of you the whole time), and then we went to find where we'd get on the bus.  The bus came to get us at around 11:35 and we drove thru the night to get to the ferry at 5am.  The ferry left at 6am.  Needless to say, I did not get much sleep.  So on the island our first stop was a crater that you can hike up.  I did not realize the amount of STAIRS I'd be climbing this weekend... my calves, thighs, and butt are gonna look GREAT!

 So here's the beginning of the hike.

 My first 'picture' stop... which was really a rest stop... which the person I was hiking with, T, realized right away.  She and I became each other's cheerleaders on this hike... the stairs... my God the STAIRS! 

 But the view was also nice.

 Mandi needed a rest!

 At the TOP!  WE MADE IT!

 I liked this rock formation...

 But it needed to be completed.  Not my best heart, but I like the whimsical sometimes.

 On the way back down... sigh... the trees were nice, and the weather was perfect.

 I think these were the haenyeo- the Sea Women of Jeju.  They free dive down to harvest sea creatures to sell at market.  They are amazing.  I read The Isle of Sea Women by Lisa See at the recommendation of my grandmother, and I recommend it to you as well.  The lives these women lead are fraught with danger every day and they still do this.  It's a tradition that is dying out, as the younger generations want to do other things rather than dive and battle with abalones and octopus! 

 We didn't have time for the next performance, as we were on a schedule.

 But look how beautiful it was!

 High on endorphins at this point, FYI.

 I think I like this one better.

 Flowers!

 I had to know what a triple crown was... now you do, too.

This temple was built on the side of the crater.  The lanterns that you're seeing are up for Buddha's b-day which is coming up sometime in May.

So next we went to the lava tube!

It's like wicked daak down there (Finding Nemo reference... I had to).

M and D are ahead of me.

The tunnel never got too low, which was nice.  It was also nice and cool with some drip, drip, drips coming down from the ceiling.

My pic in the dark!

This is the formation at the end of the tunnel.  Much nicer than a big spider.  Apparently this is how the lava came out.

I love this pic - this is us climbing out of the crater... again with the STAIRS!

And we made it to our hotel!  The water in the pool was friggin' COLD!  The BBQ place had good buggogi with rice.  I stayed here while my friends went to the beach - I was tired.  So I made new friends by the pool.  There was a guy from Ottawa, Canada and one of his friends from there as well.  I also met someone from Abilene, TX who told me she was impressed that I knew where Abilene was and told me that I'm an honorary Texan since I lived there for 11 years.  We hung out for quite a while, and the convo started because I mentioned something about my books.  As I mentioned, I did finish The Isle of Sea Women, but I also brought Congo and that one I never even cracked!  The thing about vacations for me is this - I can really only read when sober.  That was not really the plan for this weekend ;)

The next day, we went to the BEACH!  The water was initially kind of cold, but got nicer as the day went on.  The tide also eventually went out, which made it interesting trying to get to the water again!

The boys out in the water.

My toes in the sand.

Hehehe - vacation toes!!

Me looking pretty darn good in my suit, if I do say so myself.

Me in the water - still looking good!  Also, it's really funny when you bring a waterproof camera into the water - people initially freak and then all have the same thought.  'If you bring a non-waterproof camera into the water, you're kinda asking for whatever you get.'  I had fun dipping it and seeing the horrified expressions.  People are fun. 

So then we decided to make discounted seaweed masks.  You've met M before, in the middle is O from Sweden and on the right is B from St. Louis.  They are a hoot and a half.

And this is T from Brooklyn.  She was my cheerleader on the hike.  She's friggin' hilarious.

And A you've also met.

So many people out enjoying the day.

M working on his sunburn.  Seriously, he swears it's going to tan out but the pink of his skin just worries me!!

So after this day of fun in the sun, Soju and beer, I went home and passed out.  Seriously, no clue what time it was when I went for a 'nap' but it was 2:30 am before I woke up.  This is why I don't nap, remember?  Anyway, I missed out on Monkey Beach, which was a little sad but honestly I'm not too torn up about it.  The next day we checked out of the hotel and headed to the waterfalls.  We had planned on doing a couple other things, but we weren't able to because the ferry decided to leave early due to rough seas.  So to the waterfalls we went - I thought this was interesting.

The first waterfall only has water when it's raining, but the pool itself was beautiful.  They really don't want you to swim, tho.

Me really not feeling the stairs... again... more stairs.

Pretty - reminded me a bit of home (both WY and TX).

Watch out for your head, indeed!

So pretty.

Just another angle.

The fountain of five blessings.  Each part represents a different blessing - you choose which one you want and try to throw a coin into the money bag at the top.  If you get your coin in the bag, you'll get that blessing.  I didn't bring my coins... oops.

Observation point.

Another view of the falls.

PALM TREES!  They remind me of FL, and made me happy.  The weather was friggin' perfect.

Back on the ferry, getting ready to say goodbye.

Such a good time, but ready to get home and get some sleepies.  I like this cuz I can tell that I'm tired, but I still feel like I look pretty good ;)

We all hung out on the top until we got underway - the wind was brutal and cold.  So some of us still did hang out on top because it was easier.  Even though the wind was cold, the sun was warm so I'm pretty sure I ended up slightly more burned after the ferry ride. 

Disappointed we didn't get to go on the Queen Mary.

Bye bye Jeju.

Love the caution signs.

And the other islands!  There was a lot of stuff on the boat.  They had a bakery, 7-11, restaurant, beer garden, massage chair room, karaoke room (that was closed, but it did exist), a good place up on the deck with chairs and stuff (though a bit cold for T and I).  We generally were enjoying the beer and snacks from the 7-11... until they basically ran out of everything. 

The people I ended up having so much fun with.  D, D, and N - TX, Canada, TX.  Hehe.  The people can really make the trip and boy, these did!  I may have just met D from Canada a couple days ago, but I already consider him to be a friggin' treasure!  We've mentioned that we must hang out more, so we'll be making that happen in the coming months. 

M decided to get in on the pic as well.  We finally had found a place to hang out... funny enough, it was in the beer garden!  ;)

A, O, and B.  Good times are obviously being had by all.

B and I - you can kinda tell I got a bit pink.

So it was a great weekend.  I got to meet fun people, hang out on the beach, get a tan, enjoy some beverages, have some food, have good convos, read... basically I got an entire weekend of all the things that I really enjoy in life.  We got back to Dongtan at about 12:30 last night.  I basically came in, unpacked, showered, and headed to bed.  I'm afraid I didn't sleep all that well last night, though.  I think it had something to do with just how long we were on the ferry and bus for last night.  It was literally 6 hours on the ferry, then what... another 6 or so on the bus, then a 13 min taxi ride and a bit of a walk for me to get home.  My legs are sore as hell... even my gluteus maximus, which I did not expect.  It's weird when your entire legs complain. 

Oh, I also found a hole in my shoe.  So this weekend after I get paid (woot) I'm going to Seoul to get some shopping done.  Then I'm going to get some more stuff around Dongtan (a mattress topper, a comfy pillow, curtains, toaster oven, to name a few).  I think by the end of this weekend, I will feel 100% settled into my apartment, a bit more comfortable with figuring out how to get around Korea, and happy to know that my new friends think I'm hot.  LMAO... seriously, I feel so validated after this weekend - something about a gay guy telling me that I'm hot just made my friggin' MONTH! 

I did have some thoughts that I wanted to share with you all about what I'm learning in working at my job and a few things I've realized about myself.  However, I think this is a long enough post at the moment, right?  It was a great 72 hours.  Now back to reality.  It's gonna take a lot of coffee to get thru today.