Stories

I love to read. I've always loved to read. I have no idea how many books I've read in my lifetime, but I'd guess... a bunch. One of the symptoms of this is that I tend to see my life in terms of stories. I'm sure you've seen the saying "we are all stories, just make yours a good one." I'm not totally sure how one ensures their story is "good" but I digress.

 Sometimes I've had to tell myself a story to move past a hurt (such as: he wasn't as divorced as he said he was, and it was easier to ghost me than to come clean). Sometimes I tell myself stories to explain other people's actions (they were annoyed that day, in pain, lost interest, etc, and didn't mean to hurt me). And other times I imagine my actions being narrated by someone (as in: little did she know that other forces were at work. Also, not Morgan freeman, tho he has a lovely voice... probably Cate Blanchett due to my love of LOTR). All that being said, I have found myself in a love story and one thing I never read about, in any romance novel, is how hard it is to adjust from "me" to "we." It's more than just turning over the "m" to a "w." Apparently it's not an uncommon phenomenon, which does help, and it doesn't necessarily have an ending either. I've known for a while now that I'd like to get married, and I have been dating with marriage in mind. And through the magic of the internet I've met someone who is amazing and who understands me and who wants to be with me. We have moved past the 3 months of good behavior and have started getting more comfortable with inevitable small conflicts that always will arise in relationships. This includes things like critiquing driving habits and squabbling over what pizza toppings to order. All very normal things, yet they are things I haven't had to think of on a regular basis before (never made it this far into a relationship with someone who actually wanted to spend every weekend with me). I've said to friends "I'm off the map here" a few times because while I have an idea of how to proceed, I don't know what the journey will be. Will there be a fatal flaw? The thing about me that caused others to run away and yet remains a mystery because they never told me the why. Is that going to cause my fella to also run for the hills? Is there some old hurt lurking that will cause myself to sabotage my relationship for the comfort of the known element of being single? HOW DOES THE STORY GO??? I'm working off a lot of stories and my own experience which is causing some stress. My own experience has been less than lovely and stories range from "happy in love until one of them died" to "broke each other's hearts and lived without human love and then was eaten by their cats." 

To combat my desire to know how my love story goes, I'm trying to live in the moment. Enjoy where we are and how things are going. He is coming over later for lunch/dinner and I'm going to cook. We will enjoy our food and each other's company. We will plan for our labor day trip. We will cuddle on the couch and watch a movie. Those kinds of things are what really matter. When conflicts arise or feelings are hurt we will vocalize them and work thru it. The story is being written. I don't need to worry about the end as long as we are taking care of the now. I may need to write that quote up and post it places to remind me.

On to the fun stuff. We went to West, TX on Friday to get goodies for my sister as we were planning to see her on Saturday at 6 bloody AM. We went and wandered thru the shops in downtown West, had lunch at Geriks (also the Pizza House), stopped by the Czech Stop for cookies and sausage rolls, and ended at Slovechs for a little shopping and to see if all the parking lots were connected so we could get back to the highway without having to flip around (in other words: for SCIENCE!). It was quite a nice day, even with my poor fella being totally sleep deprived due to a long night at work. 

A skunk egg: shredded chicken, bacon, and onion mixed with shredded mozzarella and cheddar, breaded and deep fried.

YUM!

I don't remember what the name of this pizza was. I think it was the original. Either way, they don't skimp on toppings, the cheese was even shredded in-house and the crust made fresh. It was amazing and the perfect size for the 2 of us.

My purrrrrchase from Slovechs.

Didn't notice until I got home that it lights up!

Kitty cuddles before I went home.

Saturday we did see Mo and I was able to drop off her goodies, take her to get a bfast coffee then to Krogers for foods, and then drop her off at the truck. She got to meet the fella, which seemed to go well, tho she is still holding out hope of us being crazy cat ladies in 40 yrs or so. 

Her pup got a puppachino...

and a nap.

Then the fella and I met his mom and nephew for breakfast, then watch some of LOTR before he had a thing to get to and I went home. I chatted with my bestie about life for a good hour and a half and then spent the rest of the evening being a bum. It was quite nice.

Work-wise I'm waiting to see what is going to happen with my boss's position. They posted it and I applied. We shall see what happens next (another stressor). I know I'm having an employment crisis when I have dreams of the stupidity of retail. This AM was a dream of a customer who wanted to get her money back from something so she could buy another thing. She had a receipt, but didn't bring the item. Wanted her $ back AND to keep the item. Retail leaves its mark and NEVER fades.

Looking forward to our trip next weekend and then I have NO trips planned until Italy next year. I gotta save the $ and I need some REST! I feel like it's been 1000 mph lately. Much love to all, stay tuned as my love story continues to be written with my wonderful, generous man! 

Hurts and Healing

This was week 1 of the new workout plan thanks to Coach Doobz and I must ask... HOW DID I MAKE HIM MAD, AND HOW CAN I FIX IT!?!?! LOL...Just kidding. Turns out (according to him) if your trainer ISNT pushing you, then they don't like you. If they DO like you, then they push you because they want you to be successful. Well, I can tell you for sure: compass lunges are evil!! I could only do 1 set of 8! Also my abs are WEAK! I was able to do 4 workouts (2 cardio, 2 weights/abs), so i feel good about my committment... tho i may buy somore more workout pants with pockets. Anyway, his coaching is solid. He sent the workouts as well as videos of each so that I know what I'm doing (and don't have to look them up myself and wonder if I'm doing it wrong). His weekly check ins are low-key, and he doesn't berate me for not being in better shape already. After all... that's why I need him, right??? Its also kinda nice to be able to check in with him weekly since i havent seen him much since college. If you'd like to get in shape with a trainer who knows what he's doing, I highly recommend him. Just let me know and ill get you his info. 😁 I have a gym buddy who is helping to cheer me on, which is also nice. I'm gonna do this! I'm gonna be in good shape for Italy next year! I just need to get thru the awkward OUCH couple of weeks when my quads are on fire and I'm walking funny. Thankfully, I've got the weekend to recover.

J (the fella) and I had a lovely weekend. We started hanging out at his place, then went to Costco for some things (workout shoes for me, guess my old ones were just too old), and ended up wandering around a mall until his nephew was ready for lunch. We ended up in an arcade where he showed off his shooting skills (impressive) and i whooped his butt at air hockey (7-1... and he used to be a goalie 🤷🏼‍♀️). We met his nephew (this one is military, at home on leave) at Lazy Dog (a good brewhouse) and then went to movie trading company before heading back to his place to wait for the traffic to die down before heading to mine. We picked 2 more movies to see who can pick the worse one. Not sure what we'll make the loser (winner ?) do yet. Probably buy dinner. That seems to be our MO. 

I didn't buy it, but I like this hat 😁

Lunch was Korean Ribeye Bibibap.

The bestest kitty ever in his castle.

We ended up watching Harry Potter, ordering pizza (with wings and salad), and making fun of the premise of the movies. Hehe. 

Mama's pizza 😁 I ordered it wrong. Toppings on only half of the pizza. 🤦🏼‍♀️

It's been a lovely, lazy day. Tomorrow is grocery shopping... tho I may decide to live off leftovers instead of going shopping. I don't wanna!!! Hehehe.

So, that's that. Life is good. Liquor and cheesecake are better 😉 much love, friends!!! 

Goblin Weekend

I'd like to see Goblin weekends become a thing. Think of it. You work hard to make your home a pleasant place to be, right? Why now have a whole weekend where you don't leave the place you work so hard to be able to have? And if it's consistently over 100 degrees in your area, you're also enjoying the A/C you're paying for. It's a nice time to relax, reset, and prepare for any craziness the week may throw at you. 

My fella and I enjoyed our goblin weekend. We ran all of our respective errands on Friday (laundry, groceries, library, and liquor store for me, laundry and groceries for him), then spent the rest of Friday and most of Saturday napping on the couch, watching shows and movies (Garfield and friends, Twister, Armageddon, Godzilla, Godzilla King of the Monsters, Grabbers, and Aliens), and eating. Friday we had our standard charcuterie board (summer sausage, 4 kinds of cheese, pretzels, crackers, and feta stuffed olives) and Saturday I made a Mediterranean dip and pasta salad. I'm focusing on eating more veg and lean proteins, so Mediterranean foods are VERY good juju for me right now. My fella is going to be focusing on his diet as well soon, tho his seems much more intense than mine. We want to spend a long time together, so focusing on making healthy habits now seems like a good thing to do. My trainer guy will be getting me a workout plan sometime next week, and in the meantime I've started doing cardio again and got myself a yoga DVD from the library to kinda kick start myself. 

Yummy foods. I added tuna to the pasta salad for some protein.

First time I'd ever cooked for the fella and I chose new recipes. LOL. I'd say they were a success, tho. I appreciate the fact that he doesn't mind eating lots of veg.  

So thanks to Saturdays cooking, I have leftovers for the week. I will also boil some eggs to supplement, therefore having MORE protein at lunch. Dinners will likely be scrounged or more charcuterie style. I also just found a video on an Italian vegetarian ragu that looked AMAZING. Not sure what I'd have for protein on the side... maybe a breaded chicken boob. I'm looking forward to the fall when I can start using my oven again! It's just too hot to run it now. 

So that was my weekend of lazy goblining. Today I'm reading a book, boiling my eggs, and having leftover pad Thai for lunch. I also did a bit of cleaning, prepared my outfits (work and gym) for the week, and tonight I will have a leisurely shower where I might even de-fuzz my legs! Lol. My apt complex may make me crazy with their rules, pool consistently being broken, lack of communication, inability to fix anything, and unprofessional emails, but I do like my little apt. It's cozy. Hugs friends, stay cool, stay hydrated, and try your own goblin weekend sometime. 😁 

I don't wanna

I've been struggling with the I-dont-wanna's for the last week or so. At first i thought it was because of hormones cuz... you know... good scapegoat. Then my trainer guy posted something about how he had been struggling and realized it was because his body was associating the time of year with a major low point in his life. I got to thinking and realized that I may be remembering my own low time from 2 years ago when I was ghosted by someone I thought cared about me, and my step-dad also passed away - within 5ish days of each other. So I was dealing with a broken heart, grieving, and working a retail job which meant I wasn't supposed to show my pain. I still think it's crap that a) retail workers and servers aren't allowed to feel human emotions at work and b) we can't take time off to greive because bills still exist. It took a while to get out of that funk, and the lack of empathy was truly astounding. So maybe that's why I've got the I-dont-wannas right now. I'm no longer in the depths of despair, but I remember being there around this time of year. August and February have become difficult months for me, so it's no wonder I've got a bit of the morbs. 

For those who are wondering, things are still going well. There is still some uncertainty around work, as some 'restructuring' is going to happen soon-ish. I still don't have a 'boss' as such, which is weird, so there is that. I'm still doing my job, working my 4-10 hour days, and just kinda waiting to find out whats next. 

I have started going to the gym again. I'm shifting my focus from weight loss to strength. I want to feel strong and confident in my body as I continue to age. Apparently dying young isn't really in the cards, so if I put in the work now maybe I'll be able to age without too many prescriptions being needed. Gma really set the bar high when we were at the surgery center!!

The Awkward Yeti knows what's up!

I'll do it, I don't gotta LIKE it.

Things are going well with the fella. I've been a bit freaked out lately due to just how great its been, how much time we've spent together, and how there is a real possibility of a future with him. I know a lot of that freak out is due to past hurts. After all, it hasn't been a walk in the park finding each other. Maybe more like a walk thru a haunted cemetery on Halloween, during a zombie apocalypse. I can see that part of why this is happening now is because of being ghosted 2 years ago. That really messed me up. Subsequent ghosting and breadcrumbing hasn't helped (breadcrumbing is when a guy mostly ignores you, then gives excuses, keeping you around but really losing interest, while you wonder if they actually want to be with you or not -that's the one where I broke up with him but the relationship had probably ended a good month and a half before we had that convo. I also have some proof he was shopping around while still technically being with me, so yeah, theres that). I wonder if one of the reasons I'm so scared of messing things up with J is because no guy I've dated ever gave me a reason for ghosting or losing interest. Most i got was "its nothing you've done." There's a part of me, the wounded part, who is always prepared for the worst. It's exhausting, but other than giving myself time and enjoying being in a healthy relationship, not letting that part sabotage what we have, theres not much i can do. I'm officially in uncharted territory where I'm with a man who WANTS to be with me, who hasn't pulled the usual 180, and who communicates like an adult! He's so considerate and thoughtful and I sometimes have a hard time believing this is really real. It is tho! He's a real person! And he wants to be with me! And he expresses this! Out loud! WHAAAAAAAAAA? He's never mentioned changing my music preferences, or judged me for having stuffies, or mentioned that he prefers hair/makeup/clothing that I don't go for. A man who knows and loves me for who I am... is it any wonder I love him? (Hi honey!)

Anyway, I just wanted to share the mental stuff I'm going thru. I'm in SUCH a better place now than I was 2 years ago, and I'm SO grateful to those who were empathetic at that time. Can we please treat other humans AS humans, no matter what job they have?? Kindness is a choice, people!!! Please choose kindness over being a twat! 🤪 

As promised, delicious food. This is an unwich from Jimmy John's and some cherries, which was my post workout meal on Tuesday. 😁

Lazy Weekends

My fella had last week off, which was really nice because we were able to see each other after i got off work. So we spent most evenings together (except Tues), and it was sooooooo nice. Wednesday we had Italian food at a new place. It was so good!! We ordered a pizza each, then shared.

So the fella and I determined that August would be a goblin month. That means minimal plans and minimal going outside. This works out well because it's HOT out and NO ONE wants to be out in that.

So we went to see the Meg 2 on Thursday night, which was SO fun!!! Friday we had dinner with his family (most of his siblings, live nearby, as do his nieces/nephews), which was also nice. I got to meet more of his people, and they seemed to like me well enough, which is good. Then Saturday we spent most of the day being lazy and snuggling with his cat. 

snuggly kitty

Sunday I went to get groceries and then spent most of the day prepping for the week. I've got ciambotta, pita bread, apples, cherries, hard boiled eggs, and veg with hummus. 

Good foods 😁

So next week starts the gym again, tho my training schedule won't be up until Friday, so we will get all serious about the weights and stuff the following week. Going to focus less on weight loss and more on getting stronger/healthier. Maybe that way when the weight isn't coming off I'll be less likely to quit. In my defense, the last few months were INSANE. No travel plans in the next 12 weeks, so I should be good to keep on schedule. We'll see how much my body changes after 12 weeks of training. And yes, I'm still doing the fasting. It's just a 16-8 or 18-6 schedule these days. I think I was going a little overboard before. Hard to believe, I know. Lol.  Anyway, love to all my peeps!!! Things with the fella are still going well, we are pretty much smitten and adorable. 🥰