When the Unknown becomes Known

 Whelp, Biden is forgiving $10,000 in student loans, but I don't qualify cuz mine are for a grad degree, not an undergrad.  Ah well, he's also extending the pause until Jan, so any payments I make now go to principal.  I did miss a few payments after the move and everything, so I'm happy to have a few more months to get situated before they turn back on.  It's been nice knowing that I've been paying down my principal balance... not gonna lie, if they just made student loan interest at 0%, I'd be happy.  I don't mind paying back what I owe, but the MASSIVE amounts of interest is rather unnecessary, IMO.

My apartment complex is still messing me around by charging me an extra $15 per month for not having renter's insurance... when I DO have renters insurance, and I sent them the proof at the end of JULY but apparently they are using a 3rd party company and so any attempt to complain/notify the apartment complex has resulted in a "not our problem" message.  Needless to say, that did NOT go over well with me, but I don't exactly have much recourse.  I did email the 3rd party again with the same info and a message about being afraid I'd 'fallen through the cracks' which is a legit thing.  I mean, for some reason the lab didn't send my doc the results of some of my tests because I'd 'fallen thru the cracks' so, I didn't feel too bad about sending the follow up email.  I'm supposed to get the overpayment back in the form of $ off my rent, so rest assured, I'm keeping score... I mean, track.  I'm about to get both super petty and understandably miffed by sending in maintenance requests for things like my slow drain in the bathroom sink (2 Draino treatments later, still slow), and the outlet that seems to be shorted out (it would be nice to turn on a light when I get home by just flipping a switch next to the door).  I've given up on closet doors at this point, and will just make it work by having the most ORGANIZED CLOSET EVER.  I didn't realize that seeing my clothes all the time would make me want MORE CLOTHES.  Sigh... one black slip dress and a see-thru stadium backpack are the LAST purchases of the year... I promise(ish).

Still nothing else from the towing company... on the other hand, no one has been towed so... yay.

It's amazing how stressful it is knowing that people you don't know are truly affecting your life.  Biden's payment pause affected me this time more than any of the other ones did (and I was able to continue paying).  Apparently my student loans are supposed to be transferred to another company to manage them, though I got an email at the end of July stating that they had NOT been transferred, so I'm not sure if I should pay my original company or wait until they've been moved to the new company.  With September being a 3-paycheck month, it's freed up some funds this month meaning I could open a new savings account (no minimum balance, no fees... I'm prepared to say I LOVE Capital One), which makes me feel slightly better.  There's not much $ in there right now, but it was possible for the first time since I had to close out the Chase one.  Not knowing what's going on with my apt complex is also maddening.  This is not an ideal situation for a CONTROL FREAK!!  LOL.

It's also fun dealing with insecurities when they pop their nasty little heads up.  I've been cooking for my fella and while it has generally gone well, I'm learning that I'm still not 100% comfy cooking for others.  Case in point - I had a dream that I was in a cooking competition and Alton Brown yelled at me for screwing up a chili-honey salmon dish.  In his defense, apparently I'd added walnuts (?!?!).  I like my own cooking, I think I'm a fairly good cook, but cooking for (new) others is WAY ANXIETY INDUCING for me.  When cooking for a person with whom I have an established relationship, it's not so bad.  Especially when we've been cooking for each other over a longer period of time.  I had no problem leaving A with leftover peanut noodles.  She liked em, tho I think I needed to add more peanut sauce and veg.  I have one more sauce recipe to try and tweak.  I'm also gonna cut down on the noodles.  Cooking for pot lucks is fine as well - if someone doesn't like my cooking, they can eat something else.  But cooking for someone new who I'm still getting to know and taking them at their word that they are not picky... that give me HUGE anxiety.  Which it shouldn't - if the food isn't to their liking, there are LITERALLY plenty of places they can get food from.  Why do I put so much pressure on myself?!?!  Ugh... my brain is a jerk sometimes.  

So here's how the BH weekend went: 

First: some trips to the store.  

As I've mentioned, I decided to organize my closet.  Originally I was going to get a shelving unit and baskets to put clothes in, but the thrift store I like was closed and Goodwill didn't have much (tho I did get a bathroom trash can).  The hanging shelves helped free up some space, as well as a couple belt hangers that I'm using for tank tops.  It works, I'm happy.  Bed, Bath, and Beyond had the stuff I needed for organizing.  I was able to unpack all of my sweaters and cold-weather gear... I'm so ready for it.

As I was cleaning, I ran across my Halloween spider poncho which I decided would look REALLY good on my table.  I was right.

BB&B also had some fun Halloween stuff and when we were on our way to the checkout, I simply couldn't resist getting this.  I think it looks nice and it cuts down on the glare on the TV when you're at the opposite end of the couch.  Win for all!

Since BB&B was right next to Michael's, we popped in there to see what they had and I found these.  I think it's $10 well spent.  Spooky season has officially come to my apt and I couldn't be more ready for it.  Now, to get dressed up in my witch dress and go to dinner.  :)

I decided to make some of my favorite dishes.  This is Eggs in Purgatory - an Italian take on Middle Eastern shakshuka (which someday I will try with pita or naan bread).  Basically it's marinara sauce with eggs and I always put cheese over it.  

Cheeesy goodness.

To add to the fun, I don't use utensils when eating this, rather I used these garlic toast points, which were ok, but I think my usual heated bread would have been good as well.

Yolk slightly runny... *chef's kiss*

Next day was spicy Italian sausage sandwich.  Here we have half of the French loaf I bought.

The olives, cheese, mayo, and butter mixture that looked SO GOOD on the recipe.

The sausage was nicely browned.

I sautee'd the peppers in some of the leftover fat from the sausage, I also used some Italian salami.

Baked for a bit, added banana peppers, slapped both halves together, cut into 4 and then realized... I'd forgotten the marinara.

So I heated the marinara in a glass and dipped the sammich.  It was gloriously messy and delicious.

The next day, I used the leftovers for another sammich.  This time the marinara went on the bottom, then the sausage, then the leftover cheese mixture, topped with all the leftover black olives and a smattering of more cheese.

This time only 3 from the one.  Still quite messy, but OH so good.  Also, I did add the banana peppers again before slicing the sammich.

I also spent the weekend watching movies, finished my book (The Return Man - a well written post-zombie apocalypse book that answered the question: what about the rest of the world?), took some naps, and just generally enjoyed the solitude.  I feel more like me now... ready to face the world again!  LOL - the agenda for next Friday includes: finding a lightbulb to replace the one that's been burned out since I moved in, going to the library, and probably visiting the Spirit Halloween store that just opened up next to me... I'M SO EXCITED!!  But I promise to be frugal.... I'm also switching to Mint Mobile and I'll have 2 Verizon bills before the change is complete.  I'm trying to let go of the animosity toward the new managers of the apt, but they make it difficult.  We got a new nasty-gram email about how none of us took them up on their generous offer to rent washers and dryers for $50 a month so they were offering again.  I did the cost-benefit analysis and frankly, $5-$15 per month depending on how many loads at the well-lit, clean laundromat about 2 mins away makes more sense to me than $50 a month for the appliances, as well as the extra water and electric to use them.  The laundromat usually takes about an hour, and I always bring a book, so nah... not worth it.  I don't do all the folding and stuff there, tho... it's a wash, dry, back into the basket, home, THEN fold, and put away.  No one needs to see my undies.  It's one of my hang-ups and frankly not the worst one, so I'm ok with it.

It's Time for a Break

Let me lead this off by saying that I am super happy to be near my lovely friends who I can visit more often and who can also visit me.  Also, I'm enjoying having my fella come over from time to time during a week.  That being said, my introvert soul is overdue for a BH (rhymes with 'itch' hermit) weekend.  It's hard to explain sometimes, especially to someone new.  I like going out, I like being social, I like having friends over... but I'm also exhausted from going out, being social, and having friends over!  I need a weekend of just me, and by golly, I'm getting one (ish) this weekend!  My sister may or may not interrupt my 'me' time on Saturday, but considering that's also her bday and that means we could actually celebrate her bday a bit, I'm not annoyed at the thought of being interrupted.  

I did have a lovely weekend of binging the Star Wars movies in chronological order (which helped me somewhat to figure out where everything fits in... I swear, sometimes it's like one of those 'choose your own story' books, which also always confused me because I just wanted to READ THE STORY, not switch between multiple ones), having leftovers, and making spicy thai peanut noodles (this one turned out WAY better than the last one, proving the deep pot is for sauces and chili, not boiling noodles).  I feel vindicated in my cooking abilities.  Also, it helps when you find ALL the stuff to make the sauce and don't try to substitute... sigh.  A came over on Sunday and we went for a late lunch/early dinner at Anamia's with L to discuss Santa Fe and confirm the car we're taking (Miss Stink Bug).  Then A and I enjoyed an evening of animated movies and finished off the last of my bday cake.  

I am still stressing at the change of management at my apartment complex and what that actually means for me.  I got a flier about registering with a new towing service (and not being able to back into parking spaces anymore) and so I registered like a good little person and I've been having my guests register when they come in as well.  Well, my fella was having some issues with them so I was afraid we were going to go outside one day to find his car gone!  Thankfully it never happened, but the stress of wondering was getting to me.  They have some super arbitrary rules, but they don't appear to be enforcing them, so what is a person to do?  They also re-distributed the SAME flier saying that they were going to start enforcing the rules on 8/10... IT'S BEEN 12 DAYS!!!  Apparently some people haven't registered their cars?  So what does that mean?  The apt complex has been EXTRAORDINARILY closed-mouthed about what is going on - to the point that they emailed us all on a SUNDAY to say the pool had been closed for the whole weekend (the email stated that they had seen people in the pool, so they were letting everyone know it was closed).  Why didn't they email us earlier about the pool being closed?  What's going on with our apartments (other than the fact that they painted)?  They are already lying on the internet about a washer/dryer being in EVERY apartment, so are they going to start putting those in?  Will it affect my rent?  What about the laundry list of other issues I'm having (re: closet doors, slow drain in the bathroom, electrical socket not working, broken refrigerator door, etc.)?  Do I put in work orders and then just... wait?  Do I call?  Oh, wait, no I can't because they don't ANSWER the phone and there's no VOICEMAIL!!!  The email addresses we are getting notifications from don't make ANY sense (example: 4eb22703c56461d082e2eeb644015c1db293@robinsongroup.mailer.appfolio.us) and while they announced that the assistant manager from our last leasing company was going to be the manager under this leasing company, no emails have come from her in over a month so are we to assume she was also fired?  I hate feeling like a mushroom (living in the dark and being fed crap), and that's how I'm feeling regarding my home situation right now and it's making me a little crazy!!

So, my plan this weekend is to RELAX.  I'm going to make my sister her favorite cookies (no baking needed) in case we do get to see each other on Saturday.  I'm going to have a date night with my fella, then he has to work so I'm going to act like Gollum and stay inside.  I'm thinking of making eggs in marinara sauce for dinner (don't knock it till ya try it) with bread for dipping, and then on Sunday I'll make my lunch for the week, which will be mozzarella chicken pesto sammiches with veggies and hummus.  This whole week is supposed to be rainy, which will be AMAZING after the scorching heat and drought we've been having.  Speaking of which, our facility did a picture wall of our response to the Chalk Mt Fire, so I thought I'd share it with you.

Weird how the fire ended up looking like a dinosaur track since, you know, GR is super famous for those.

IV hydration for the first responsders.

We pitched in and did awesome.

After my BH weekend, I should be refreshed and ready to be social again.  Which is good, since I'm going to a Labor Day party.  LOL.  I know I shouldn't stress over crap that I can't control (re: apt issues), but I can't help it.  I just want to know what's going on, for better or for worse.  Thank you for reading my rant... I think it helps just to get it off my chest.  I'm having leftover Thai peanut noodles for lunch this week, tho on Thursday we're having a pot luck for July and August bdays so I'm going to make Cuban pulled pork sliders for that.  YAY for pot lucks and finger foods!  When it gets colder I'll start baking again - at least one person at work remembers the gooey butter cookies that I was so famous for and my friend E gave me a mixer that I need to break in.  Hehe... I have soups and stews for the crock pot as well as a chicken with stuffing recipe I'm DYING to try.  Now that it's not over 100 every day, I'm getting even MORE excited for fall and more delicious foods.

Weekend funness

 As I mentioned in a previous post, I've been adopted by an extrovert.  He makes me go OUT and DO things.  The thing we were going to do this past weekend was make sammiches for the homeless.  So on Friday we had to go grocery shopping for the supplies.  We went to the library first because I had some holds to pick up.  While we were running around, we also stopped in at TJ Maxx because I had seen online that they may have some Halloween stuff out.  They did indeed!  So I got my new favorite beverage container (pictured) as well as a noodle pot and some Himalayan sea salt.  It was a successful trip.  We then hit up Total Wine, Half Price Books (for work), got ice cream at Marble Slab, and then finished the trip out at Walmart.  I nearly had a panic attack in Walmart simply because it's Walmart.  When they didn't have a DVD player (for the library DVDs we got), we should have left but instead we got my groceries and all the sammich stuff and by the end I was bristling like a porcupine.  He took it well when I explained it was just Walmart, shopping for others, and the stress of the unknown the next day that was getting to me.  I then ordered a DVD player from Amazon, so we're gonna have to wait a while to watch The Thing and Deep Blue Sea 2 and 3.

He needs a name, I just don't know what yet.  My older sis says it's too much color, but I think it's fun.

On Saturday we met up early to go and make the sandwiches.  He is a part of a Ft Worth social group and they had decided to do an event with a charity (Feed the City, I think) to make the sandwiches, which would then be distributed to the homeless around the DFW area.  So our morning was a lot of bread, lunch meat, cheese, mustard, bags, 20 per bag, repeat.  We also bagged chips and tiny oranges.  The man knows his lady, tho, because afterwards we had Bloody Marys for breakfast.  LOL.  I still don't like the 'boyfriend/girlfriend' thing (I feel it's outdated after HS), so we've settled on alternate words.  He's my 'fella' and I'm his 'lady.'  

Driving to make sammiches.

Getting ready for the madness of the sammich making!

The post-sammich Bloody Mary.

My bestie came up on Saturday as well, so we all went to Anamia's for lunch/dinner.  It was AMAZING as always.  Then we came back to my apartment and chatted for a while until they both had to jet out.  The rest of my weekend was spent gloriously lazily as I watched movies and read my book and then I decided to make my lunches for the week.  This week my lunches will be Cuban pulled pork sliders with broccoli salad.  The sandwiches are swiss, ham, pulled pork (courtesy of my fella), pickles, spinach, and mustard on Hawaiian rolls.  The broccoli salad is broccoli, red onion, bacon, raisins, and sunflower seeds tossed in a sweet dressing (which I've forgotten what all goes into it, because it's leftover dressing from the last time I made a broccoli salad).  

The lunches for the week was also my dinner on Sunday. 

OH, I was also able to talk to D in Korea for almost 4 hours on Saturday.  We had a lot to catch up on since our waking schedules usually only coincide once every 6 months or so.  It was wonderful to be able to catch up with him.  

It was a good weekend.  This coming weekend is also shaping up to be a good one as L, A, and I are planning to meet at Anamaia's (again?!  I know.) to discuss Santa Fe and make some plans for the trip.  I'm super excited, and I hope the weather has cooled down somewhat by the time we go.

Reflections

It's been a year since we lost my stepdad and I was ghosted by someone that I thought wanted a life with me.  A lot has happened in that time - I left WY and managing the liquor store to move to TX and be the admin assistant for the CNO of my old hospital.  Preparing for the move was stressful, as was setting up a new apartment, furnishing it, getting used to my new commute, and getting back into dating.  I learned a lot in my time in WY - mostly how love is not all sunshine and rainbows.  Sometimes it's doctors appointments, weird reactions to meds, cleaning up body fluids, and just doing your best.  Also HS friends are just as amazing after years apart, I don't respond well to rampant criticism of my life choices, and horribly made, cheesy movies are way too fun in their awfulness.

After we lost R, my focus was on my mom.  I knew I couldn't make things better, but I tried to keep them from being worse.  I learned that when someone I love is hurting and there is nothing I can do about it, it becomes a tremendous pressure.  It's a pressure that I put on myself, almost unconsciously.  I couldn't help with the pain and the grief, but I could go grocery shopping, watch the horrible movies, and just BE there.  I guess in some situations the best (and only) thing someone can do is be there.  It's tough when you're a fixer at heart and just want to make everything better.  Some things just suck and they have to suck for a while.  Nothing to do but ride out the awfulness of the new reality and try to get used to it, I guess.  I wasn't ready to leave when I did, but it was time.  We both knew that I needed to get on with my life and as much as I love my WY family and friends, I missed TX.  

It's been nice being back in TX and getting to spend more time in Ft Worth.  North of Dallas was OK, but I think I like the pace of Ft. Worth better - and the free parking downtown on the weekends is AMAZING.  It doesn't feel as claustrophobic as Dallas, which is nice.  I like having multiple options for shopping, eating, and recreation.  There's museums, aquariums, zoos, bars, restaurants, movie theaters... endless opportunities for fun.  I'm near 3 of my really good friends, I have had ample opportunities to date, and I LOVE having a library with big-city resources.  I am also finally getting back to reading, which to me is proof that I'm more myself now than I have been in a while.  I won't say that everything went to shit after I left TX, but I will say it's been a stressful few years.  I needed to leave, and I didn't really expect to come back, but I'm glad that I did.  I've already met some interesting people and I've been adopted by another extrovert who is making me go OUT and DO things.  LOL.  It's true what they say, introverts make friends by being adopted by an extrovert who makes them leave their home. YAY for Ft Worth adventures!  Hehe.

All in all, I feel as though I've grown a lot since I left TX.  The experiences of living overseas, being emotionally annihilated by multiple experiences with men in Korea (not Korean men, mind you, but other English-speaking men in Korea), coming home, being in WY and seeing the 'for worse/in sickness' side of marriage, dealing with my own heartbreak, and moving back to TX have (I think) made me a more emotionally mature woman while also making me more aware of what I simply will not tolerate in a relationship.  I'd like to think that I've been making better choices than I did before... I guess time will tell.

Now for the pix of my latest shenanigans...

Got to meet up with the seester in Weatherford last weekend.  We did the pup in a bag thing again and got away with it!  This was a coffee shop where the owners did notice her, but didn't raise a stink and just asked to meet her when we were leaving.  She was a growly butt with them, but didn't bite so YAY.  When she lays down in the bag you really can't tell there's anything in it.

I met up with A and her sis-in-law for pedi's on Saturday in Dallas.  It was my first pedi since FOREVER and it was SOOO NICE.  I wanted nail polish that was summery.  Hehe.

Then we went to Bass Pro Shop so that Cake could run around.  I had to laugh.  Overseas we sometimes used the phrase "violently American" to describe certain things and I had a great time imagining J's reaction to this particular store.  There's not a ton of American flags and stuff around but you can buy guns and ammo and bows and arrows and fishing gear and all sorts of other sportsman-like stuff.  Then there's the stuffed animals all around.

These are the only types of bison that you should get this close to.  The kind that are stuffed and indoors.  I'd like to draw your attention to the horns on this one and imagine if it didn't have the bass pro hat on its head.  Zoom your camera and show some respect when you see them in the wild.

Bass Pro is so fun... all the fishies and it's like it's trying to bring the great outdoors to the comfort of the indoors.  LOL.

On Monday my friend K stopped by my office saying that she saw this on the weekend and thought that I needed it.  I have to agree.  Apparently they also had a red one, but she figured it wouldn't go so well in my apartment, and she was 100% right on that, btw.

I did decide to get some more jerky from my favorite place to order it from - it's a place in Iowa and they make some GOOD jerky.  I wanted to try the actual pieces instead of just the sticks this time around, so I got their jerky sample bundle.  I'll let you know how awesome they are.

And this is me on a day where I had forgotten I had to play receptionist at work.  It's also the pic I took to try and compare to the one of me 3 years ago when I first cut my hair super short.  I'm heavier now, but you can hardly tell... which is ANNOYING!  I mean, I can see it, but it's not drastic enough for me to be super motivated to DO anything about it at the moment so I'm in a vicious cycle.  Sigh... it may be time for a haircut tho... I like the idea of long hair but I don't like all the WORK.

So that's a bit of an update.  Yay for personal growth (as my seester said).

Celebratory Weekend

I had mixed feelings about moving back to TX, and I still have some mixed feelings about being here, if I'm being honest.  However, one thing that is abundantly clear about being back in TX is how much I appreciate living so close to my wonderful friends.  

On Thurs I met with A for dinner in Weatherford.  We had a lovely time sharing the quesadilla and laughing a LOT.  Afterward I opened my present from her (and she lectured me about buying stuff for myself so close to my bday) and then she loaned me her vacuum cleaner.  On Friday I burned thru my To Do list - oil change, UPS store, library, order ice cream cake, then vacuuming.  It was GROSS seeing how much accumulates in 4 months.  Then my bestie came in and we went up north of Dallas for food at our favorite place.  We stayed in a hotel in the area and went back the next day for brunch.  When we got back to the apt, we visited for a while before she left to go back home.  Sunday was a beautifully lazy day full of TV watching.  I did go to the store to get some food because that way I'd feel like I did SOMETHING. I gotta say, I love my 4 day work weeks.  Having that extra day on the weekend to get things done is AMAZING.  It actually feels like I'm refreshed and ready for the week.  Not to say that I'm sunshine and rainbows on Monday because... yeah, no... but it's nice.

Apartment sludge - so. much. HAIR.  I'm gonna go ahead and confirm that my apt complex did not vacuum or otherwise clean my apt before I moved in.  I'm borrowing a Rainbow, apparently this is supposed to keep the dust down... it's kinda grody, not gonna lie.

Anamia's chips, salsa, and MARGARITA!

Aren't we CUUUUTE?!

Found at the At Home store - He just wants to be friends with you!!

Skull was $2.99, light was... probably around that.  Fun little decoration.

We went back the next day and here's my chilaquiles verdes. 

We also got me a fun book/reaper guy... the lights change color

Of course the front needs to be a skull.

My younger seester got me a crocheted GIR!

Older sis got me a corgi squishmallow!

I ended up having to go to the grocery store (Tom Thumb(, so on the way home I also got cauliflower wings from Buffalo Wild Wings - along with the celery and carrots.  This is affectionatly referred to as 'first course,'

2nd course - decent chicken salad, but not as good as some.

Palate cleanser - Tex mex trail mix.

Some spicy tuna roll sushi.

Dessert - no, I didn't eat ALL of the empty spot... you can see the tiny sliver that my bestie got, then the larger slices were mine over 2 days.  Ice cream cake from Dairy Queen - originally I wasn't going to have them put anything on it, but the horrified look on the lady's face made me change my mind.  LOL

Me looking my age - makeup-free, no filters, being lazy watching movies - which is my preferred way to be on the weekend.  

I'm so grateful that I was able to see 2 of my favorite humans this weekend, and I was able to talk to or text most of my family as well.  It was a lovely weekend and all in all I'm glad to be back in TX.  Miss my people in other places, but I guess having a TX home isn't the worst thing in the world.