The hope of normal

I was in an amazing mood all of Monday.  I woke up happy, talked to my parents, looked great, brought in cookies to work, had fun with my kids, had a nice walk home - it was a great day.  It's funny because having such a great day made me have to analyze it to see WHY THE HECK WAS I SO HAPPY ON A FRIGGIN' MONDAY?!  I mean, I had a good weekend of being a semi-hermit, so that could have something to do with it.  Then it hit me... we are expecting to have normal classes and work schedule as of next Monday.  That simple word - "normal" - makes a HUGE difference.  There is an end in sight, finally.

I don't want to do a country vs country comparison because quite frankly that's going to be a job for governments and historians.  All I can say is that having an end of this madness in sight leads to a lightening of the mental load.  Yes, I will joke about missing being able to use the 'mute' button during class, but I'm so excited to get to finally meet some of my favorite students in PERSON!  Also I can be quite a goofball in class and having the kids there will make that SO much easier.  I don't know what percentage of teaching is actually theater, but I suspect it's over 70%.  No more having to worry about checking the chat, or students pretending that they don't know that they muted themselves, or parents creeping around checking in on us (don't lie, I know some of you would (are) do(ing) that, too!).  Now just back to the good ol' CCTV in the classroom (LOL - who would ever think that we'd want to get back to just ONE camera to worry about).  Eventually we'll feel comfortable enough to go out for a night in Seoul (or somewhere to dance... I miss dancing around the kitchen with J&D), and the base will eventually allow visitors again, too.  I know that there is a risk that there will be a 2nd wave, just like with the Spanish flu, but I gotta tell you - just knowing that some semblance of normality may be around the corner is enough to put me in a good mood for an ENTIRE Monday.

Now, I could get all philosophical about what 'normal' means to different people, and how it can be different than 'routine,' and my personal problems with both of those concepts... but I won't.  Really I want this post to be more about gratitude.  I'm so grateful that I had some time to deal with my mental demons before another semester started.  I'm grateful that we eased back in to teaching after I'd dealt with all that.  I'm grateful that our job made sure that we were able to carry on in any capacity and try to keep what students we could.  I'm grateful that we have the technology to make distance learning a thing.  I'm grateful that we had this time to learn how to teach differently than we had been.  I'm grateful for the new challenges that arose and were handled (not always with grace, but they were handled).  I'm especially grateful for the people who made the crazy working conditions bearable, who were courageous in the face of all the uncertainty, and who held on to the hope of things going back to 'normal' eventually.  I feel like someone should have been taking notes because the next time something like this happens, they will be prepared.  (I just had a flashback to all those policies and procedures I had to read at the hospital... darn it, there is a point for the 'just in case' preparations... sigh.)

Anyway, I just felt like I needed to write about this today.  I know I complain about the students sometimes, but they are so darn CUTE!  Easier to remember the good things when you have former students coming to give you hugs or demand that you tell them how old you are.  :)  No wonder teaching is addicting.

In other news, I'm still coming home next March.  Also Mo sent me so some pix of her and MG, so YAY I have more pix of family to put up!!  Also she says my haircut makes me look like Dave Nelson from NewsRadio, but my stepdad tells me that I look like Scarlett Johansson - I'll take that one!

 I was feeling my look that day.  I got the hoodie in a vintage shop for 20,000 won.  :)

 At work and feeling sassy!

 We have to wear our masks at work cuz we have some kids in the other area coming in now.

 Last night I got CHICKEN CUP! 

 So yummy.

Then S and I went for a couple of drinks.  Gotta love pub munchies. 

A whole lotta... nothing different

So it's all the same old same old here.  We are expecting to have the kids back in the classroom by May 4th - lends a whole new meaning to "may the 4th be with you."

Anyway, this weekend we are hoping that the cathedral in Myeongdong will be open so that J and I can go for confession.  My friend M(C) and I are planning on hitting up PF Chang's.  I know, I know, but we both could go for some good 'ol MSG filled Chinese food.  If the cathedral is open, J and I are going to hit up Vatos afterward for lunch and drinks.  Otherwise, we're still teaching online, my bank account is happier than it's been in a while, and life is plodding along until it's time for me to come home.

It's Saturday.  I've made cookies, went to OK mart on my own, Emart with M(C), and had a decent burger at Emart's food court area.  The cookies are... burned on the bottom.  Sigh... I tried, I really did.  The first pan I used got the bottoms really crisp, so I tried with a ceramic dish.  Then I couldn't get them out with a spatula so I used a fork... only 2 disintegrated on me and were subsequently disposed of (in my tum tum).  I am SO AMUSED with this process right now.  I'm telling you, I'm going to spend 24 hours in my mom's kitchen when I get home - baking cookies, making ribs, hell I might even make a friggin' CAKE if the mood takes me. 

I'm still looking forward to going to Namhae island in June, and I'm thinking of trying to figure out how to get to Busan so I can go see D.  I may have to bite the bullet and figure out how to either call a taxi or use the public trans down in Busan.  We shall see.

 Pre heating my oven.

 Batch #1

 Ceramic dish for subsequent batches.

 I miss my wire baking racks.

 Batter looked good, though.  LOL.

The ceramic dish to the rescue... and which will be the site of my next dish - chicken, broccoli, cream of mushroom soup, and either pasta or rice probably with cheese on top.  When will I be cooking this you ask... I don't know, but it's gonna be GOOD when I do!  LOL.

Much love from the other side of the big blue ocean.  :*

C is for coffee

You know what is an interesting thing that people rarely talk about?  Our relationships with our bodies.  Dr. Cox in Scrubs says something about hating his, which is why he works out so much.  Personally, I'm having a hard time really figuring out what my body is trying to tell me.  It's so easy to just go thru the day, trusting the organs to be doing what they do while we think of all kinds of other stuff.  Of course, me being me there is a certain amount of "shut up, body, you're fine." 

There is a lot more stuff out there about accepting our bodies.  I have come around to the idea that this meat-filled skeleton is the means by which I experience all that life has to offer.  Therefore, the better I take care of it, the more I can enjoy this beautiful life.  (Yes, I had temporarily forgotten this during the last few months... sue me.)  However, the thing that I did not realize and am having a hard time with sometimes is my FACE!  I never thought I looked a lot like my dad but... MAN... I'm starting to see it.  Not that it's necessarily a bad thing, but it's disconcerting.  Looking into a reflection of what should be quite a familiar sight, and yet there's a certain amount of 'is that really me?'  Jess, I totally get what you were talking about when you said stuff about my jawbone... and I've always loved my cheekbones.  The thing is... is it really my face?!?!  I've gone thru these phases before - when I just don't like my face.  Which is strange, because I am loving this haircut... you'd think I'd like how it makes my face look.  I dunno - these are the rambling thoughts of the Mandi about an hour after she woke up and about 3/4 of the way thru her first coffee of the AM. 

Now on a slightly related subject... I can't understand why someone would try to get me to have a 'cheat weekend.'  Here's the back story - every 2 weeks we meet up on a Saturday to play D&D.  We generally start around 3-ish and go until 10ish.  I thought about this and I have decided that since we're busy for so long and I'd usually open my window on the weekends around 3 anyway, why not just make those Saturdays fasting days?  I'd be distracted, it's easy to say no to food, why not?  I explained this to my friend S and he suggested instead that I just eat like normal on those days.  That way I guess I can go with everyone for food and... I dunno... bond?  I'm guessing here.  Anyway, I'm planning on going with the fast.  So on D&D weeks, I'll be doing a 4:3 week instead of a 5:2 week like usual.  (For those who are wondering, it's 4 eating days to 3 fasting ones.  Alternate day fasting to shift those last 20 lbs.)  Now don't get me wrong - in June when I go to the beach and the green tea fields, THAT will be a 'cheat' weekend.  I won't worry about windows or fasting lengths that weekend.  I am super excited that the scale is continuing to go the right direction... I'm inching closer to my goal (tho trust me, I'm not at all in danger of being cadaver-like).  I'm actually excited to go clothes shopping when I come home. 

Not much else to report - I've gotta make a Costco run today (I'm out of nuts).  Otherwise I'm probably going to stay home, paint my nails, maybe work on my little painting of my sharky shark, possibly will be cooking later, depending on what I find at Costco. 

Here's a little funness for you - I'm still trying to figure out my angles and so I've been playing with the camera on my phone.  Also, as I said, I'm loving this haircut so I'm trying to figure out how to show it off!  I think I'm failing miserably, though.

 This is probably the best one.  Hehe

DAD'S NOSE!!!!  LMAO!!!!!

Much love to all who stuck with me through this one.  I was supposed to be at the lantern fest this weekend... sigh... stupid Corona.

Not much new

It's been pretty much business as usual here.  Online classes are fun... I have the power... the power of MUTE!  Hehehe.  Otherwise, I'm still pretty much staying home on the weekends.  I'm bummed because the Daegu Lantern Fest was supposed to be this weekend, but it's been cancelled due to Corona.  Some of my coworkers are keeping an eye on the new cases and stuff... I'm not too bothered by it.  I'm just hoping that my June trip can go on as scheduled.  Also I'm getting a refund since the city of Daegu cancelled the fest, so woot! 

Personally speaking, J and her aunt both have commented on how I'm much better now.  So did my counselor.  I'm not sure if the hurts are really healed or just dormant right now, but either way I'm feeling SO MUCH better than I was.  Now to keep everything from building up to self-destructive proportions.  I still get frustrated when the kids refuse to do what I tell them to, then I have to tell myself to take a breath, relax, and move on.  It's not a reflection of my abilities to teach, it's a reflection of the kid's attitude and unwillingness to be there.  As for the rest, well, it's been a welcome break from dealing with the kids in the classroom, trying to date, going out and making stupid decisions, figuring out how relationships stand... yeah, no wonder I let it get out of control before.  I do have to laugh at myself - a least 2 friends know how to make me excited for a Friday night: suggesting pizza, movies, and beverages.  It's almost cheesy shark movie watching season and T just sent me The Meg!!!  CHEESY JASON STATHAM FUNNESS!!!!

I just wanted to give you a small update, 2 posts a week is pretty much my jam, so even though I don't have anything earth-shattering to share, I figured it would be good to keep you updated.  From the "I'm a horrible human" archives - I'm kind of hoping that a lot of the cancelled concerts will be postponed until next year and I'll be able to go to some of them.  Sigh... I'm a mercenary at heart.  Also because I know you guys like to see pictures - here is some of my artwork.  LOL - 35 years old and sending Mom pix of my coloring book. 

OH - in other news, I had to print and mail my damn taxes, so I HAVE to figure out how the Korean Post Office works.  I'm soooooo annoyed.  The reason?  H&R Block's drop-down menu for country only had this as an option - "Korea, Republic of (South)" and the error: "country can only have spaces and letters - no special characters."  I CAN'T FIX THE PROBLEM WHEN IT'S DUE TO A DROP-DOWN MENU!!!!  Annoyance level - grumblings of Vesuvius.  So I have to get an envelope and go to the post office and pray that someone there speaks English.  Stupid stupids of drop down menus... who would choose North Korea as an option anyway, can't you just SAY "South Korea" instead of all this technical crap... grumble, grumble... taxes for (the) 2022 (tax year) will be SO much easier... yay for W2 in ENGLISH (slight guilty feeling about not learning Korean).

Much love to you who made it this far.  MUAH!  :*

End in sight??

We got a message from our boss the other day.  It looks like Korea is hoping to go back to normal as far as schools are concerned by April 27th.  So here's hoping - crossing my fingers!!  It will be nice to get 100% pay again.  It'll also be nice having the kids in class - some of them are so darn cute!!  Otherwise not much has changed.  I still like teaching online, and we seem to have figured out how to use the program in the right way.  Some of the kids are more cheeky than the others (playing with backgrounds, trying to use the chat feature to talk to each other, etc).  It's kind of funny how they think I can't see them sometimes.

So no real plans for this weekend.  I'm thinking of going to Costco to see about replenishing my nut supply and check out what other kinds of treats they have.  Bagels and cream cheese will be in my future.  I also need to go to Emart for some things to make COOKIES!  Hehehe.  I'm planning  a trip into Seoul to see about getting a philly cheesesteak sammich and a beer.  If that place is closed, we're gonna get mexican food and margaritas.

I did learn the other day that when you are talking to someone who kind of served as the catalyst for your spiral into the mental abyss and you tell them 'thank you' for forcing me to deal with some stuff... the look on their face can be PRICELESS.  I have officially reached thankfulness.  I'm thankful that I had to go through all that, I'm thankful that I've come out the other side, and I'm thankful that some demons no longer hold such sway over me.  It's a crappy thing to realize about myself, but when I stopped dating it wasn't just so that I could heal, it was also so that I would no longer be hurt.  2009 really, really messed with my head.  I didn't think that 2019 would be much the same, but toward the end it sure was.  I've addressed some of my desires that I was busy denying for most of the decade (for example, I do actually want to get married), and I learned that you can't truly heal from something if you actively avoid it.  In my case, I couldn't change my habits when it comes to dating if I never dated.  I needed to date in order to observe my own toxic habits and therefore (hopefully) change them.  Something else I need to mention - I LOVE MY GIRLFRIENDS.  When I'm having issues with guys, when I doubt my own attractiveness/personality/etc, there is nothing like a fellow awesome woman reminding me just how awesome I am.  I remain a great catch, just with a few flaws.  ;)

I plan to continue working through some issues, getting back into praying more often - especially for the intentions in my prayer jar - and becoming a better version of me in Korea to take back to the States.  I've also been looking at jobs, and July seems like a good time to start applying as many of the postings look like they open and then stay open for almost a year.  I am coming home after my contract is up.  Korea has raked me over the coals, but I'm tough and it didn't/will not break me.

Today J and I went to Seoul for lunch.  We had a lot of fun - it was quite nice to be able to spend a day in Seoul with my friend again.  It had been a LONG time since we had done something like this. 

On our way on the bus.  I kind of love this picture... he hehe.

J loved my sassy pants pose, so she had to take a picture of it.

We made it to our destination with minimal fuss.

I decided to have a nice Hobgoblin for my first beer since the beginning of Lent.

 J got the chicken parmigana sandwich.  She said it was extremely Aussie and delicious.

 The lady brought me a glass for my beer... it was SO GOOD!

 J wanted a pic of her eating her sammich - it was incredibly messy.

 Our sammiches - I got the philly cheese steak.

Look at it - LOOK AT IT!!!   SO GOOOOD!  I had to laugh at J's dad - he apparently asked her how Americans celebrate Easter "What do they EAT?"

 My empty beer bottle.  It was everything I expected and so something I would have enjoyed at Scarborough.

On the way to Lush we walked past Itaewon Foreign Bookstore.  J got excited and asked if we could go in.  I had to laugh and ask her if she knew who she was asking!  OF COURSE I want to go into a used book shop.  I ended up getting a new book - Dr. Death by Johnathan Kellerman.  I think it'll be the one I take to the beach when I don't want to get my kindle all sandy. 

We then went to Lush where I went in for shampoo and came out with... shampoo.  That's right, I successfully walked in, got what I wanted, lingered (cuz you almost have to) and left with JUST what I wanted.  Now I did find out that they still make the perfume that I love (it's called Death & Decay, but smells quite nice), but they only had 1 bottle left and at 220,000 won, I determined that it was slightly out of my price range at the present time.  However, it's nice to know that it still exists and hopefully once the factories start making it again, I'll be able to get a more reasonably priced size (I still have some, I don't exactly wear it often). 

On the way home, J got a nice nap on the bus and I read my kindle (re-reading Mort by Terry Pratchett).  Then we both went home.  On the walk I found some beautiful lilacs and had to snap a shot for my Gma.  They aren't exactly the ones in KS, but it's nice to know that we can both enjoy the same scent on opposite sides of the world.

Lilacs will always make me think of home.  We also saw a couple with a friendly corgi puppy in the park and they let me say hi to their pup.  He was so cute and sweet and excited!!!  I love puppies!!!

So that was our Easter.  A nice day of wearing our masks on public trans and in the shops.  There were not many people out and about on a Sunday afternoon, which was nice.  I did not go to Costco this weekend... perhaps that will be a next Sunday outing as by then I'm almost sure to be out of my mixed nuts.  Happy Easter to all on the other side of the world, I hope you are all able to enjoy the time with your families and (if you are Christian) reflect on the resurrection.  As for me, I'm going to enjoy a quiet evening of reading or Sherlock, showering, and getting ready for tomorrow.

The Pummeling Continues... in a good way

I was heading to my counseling site to send a message to my counselor and was greeted by a quote from none other than GK Chesterton (those who went to FUS when Fr. Terry was president remember with fondness his quoting of GK at some point in EVERY speech).  "To love means loving the unlovable.  To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable.  Faith means believing the unbelievable.  Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless."  I feel like my life right now is all about questions - what do I love?  Whom do I need to forgive?  It's Holy Week - what is more unbelievable than someone returning from the dead and His church being around over 2000 years later?  Have I lost my hope?  That last one... have I come to believe that certain things in my life are truly hopeless?  I hate to say it, but yeah... I've hoped for some things for so long that it now seems pointless to continue.  What a shit place to be... I've lost my faith in the love of God... and it HURTS.  The worst part is, I know that it's all on me - God hasn't given up on me, I've given up on Him.  I'm so sorry for this, and yet... how do I come back?  I can't go to confession, I can't go to Mass - my prayer life leaves much to be desired... I am fully vulnerable and stripped in front of my God and yet somehow He still looks on me with love?  He still wants me?  As broken and shattered as I am, GOD STILL WANTS ME?!?  I still have a purpose?  How can this be?!  It's totally illogical and yet I know it's true.  It's wreaking my head/heart/soul.

In writing to my counselor, I think I'm on the right track if I can change my thinking to something along the lines of - "I understand that I don't feel worthy of the love that is God however, I accept it and for my part will try to live a life worthy of it."  Emphasis here on 'try.'  I know that Mary is the model of Catholic womanhood, but that is a LOT to try to emulate.

So we had our live session today and I've realized something.  It's been a total shit time going through this storm of my life - I nearly jumped out of the boat.  However, I'm already stronger than I have ever been for having to go through it.  I can honestly say that some of my deep seated issues with men have been... if not totally healed, then at least cleaned out of the dead, festering parts and wrapped in clean bandages.  I am stronger now than I have ever been because I've been vulnerable, I've been broken, I've been shattered, I've been used, I've been disrespected, I've been disregarded and yet I've come through all that.  I'm not as worried about a relapse after Easter because I'm not in that place any more.  Certain thoughts/demons/issues no longer have the hold they once did.  It's truly been a transformative Lent (the Lentiest Lent that ever Lented), and I am so grateful for having been broken and rebuilt.  I'm not totally healed, let's face it, that's probably not going to happen in this life - but I am better equipped to weather future storms while I search for the desires of my heart.  I've started looking at jobs for when I come home next year, and I'm reassured by how many there seem to be.  Please continue to pray for my job when I come home (March 2021, I'm all but certain of it). 

Work... continues.  I like the kids, the classes are pretty easy, and we are weathering the pandemic as well as possible.  I hope you are all doing well - hugs and remember, murder is bad.  MUAH :*

A Spiritual Pummeling to start Holy Week

My friend T from back home posted a link on his FB page for a Virtual Catholic Conference this past weekend.  It seemed like a good way to start my Holy Week since the Cathedral is still closed and confession and Mass remain out of reach.  I signed up in the grand hopes of nothing much - maybe some good talks, another way of looking at things, maybe find some hope in the uncertainty of living through the virus.  Today I started through the keynote speakers.  I figured I'd take some notes as I am well aware that I am still healing.  The first 2 talks were good and then came the third by Sr. Miriam James Heiland (not Hetfield, tho it made me giggle for a min) and talk about a sledgehammer to the soul.

Her talk was called "For a Time Such as This: Brave Love Poured Out."  There were a couple things she said that resonated with me considering what I've been through these past few months.  She likened what is happening now to 'storms' in our lives.  From Scripture she referred to the storm where Jesus was sleeping in the boat and the disciples were scared so they woke him up.  She mentioned that she had been through storms in her own life where she would have 'rather jumped out of the boat and into the sea than stay in the boat and see what happened.'  If that's not a euphemism for suicide or being suicidal, I don't know what is.  She also mentioned something about 'the self-destructive turning inwards' that is sometimes our response to the storms of life.  I WAS JUST THERE.  What better way to describe my descent down the spiral of my mental heath than self-destructively turning inward.  I had become nearly blind to all the good in my life because I was too focused on the pain - too focused on the storm.  I am not ashamed to admit that I had to watch her video twice because the first time I was overcome and yes, tears were shed.  She reminded us that Jesus is a healer, and that we are loved.  The concepts seem so simple and yet when you think about them they are truly profound.  She also said that we were chosen to live in these times, that God has a plan for us during these storms, and to respond to these with love is to love bravely.  I'm going to be contemplating this for quite some time, I think.  I may be paraphrasing here, but I paused a lot to get down most of it word for word - "We are choosing to love bravely when we don't run away, we don't numb out (ouch), we don't try to waste the time but we're choosing this time to show up to life even in the pain, even in the difficulty, knowing the Lord is there and saying 'Lord, reveal yourself...'"  If this is the Lentiest Lent that ever Lented, then I think this Holy Week may be culmination of all the Lentiness of Lent.

I ended up getting the package that means I'll have unlimited access to all the talks (both the men's and the women's).  Some are more geared towards those who are married and raising kids, but it seems like there will be good spiritual seeds to find with more time than just the afternoon to dedicate to them.  Also, some recovery time after a pummeling is usually a good thing.

Moving on to what I did on Saturday - M(C) and I went to Gangnam to try Masa Taco at the recommendation of G.  We found the place with no problems and when I saw the sign outside, I was sold.  That's right, sugar skull and all!  The food was decently priced and at reasonable portions (unlike Vatos where I can't finish a whole burrito).  I plan to go back to try their margaritas, the tot taco appetizer, and guacamole.  Apparently these started in LA, and while the salsa wasn't spicy when they brought some hot sauce there was a decent enough kick to it. 

 Good sign.

 The beginning (we also had 2 pork tacos, but we devoured those before I remembered to get a pic).  Mine is carne asada with refried beans and M(C) got pork.

The aftermath.  MUAH HA HA HA HAAAA

 I also had to go for thyroid blood work, and on my walk to the hospital I snapped this picture just to give you an idea of how beautiful the cherry trees are.

 Then I found some blossoms that were the pink that we all associate with them.

So pretty!!  Spring is officially sprung in Korea (sorry WY peeps with your 4 inches of SNOW).  I was going to go to the store today, but now I'm feeling a little strung out and exhausted (emotions do that to me) so I think I'll go get a salad, fry up some sausages, and maybe have a baked potato since the last potato I have is getting a bit... sprouty. 

Update on work: we are teaching all of our classes online starting Monday, and still on a reduced schedule (1:30-7:30).  I don't like having lots of background noise in class, so I have a feeling I'll be using the 'mute all' feature quite a bit.  I think the kids are still out of school until at least April 19th, and there has been some worry about a resurgence in Covid-19 cases since more people are going outside now that the weather is warm.  In other news, I'm finding it difficult to sit for long periods of time anymore... going back to a desk job is going to be... interesting.

Much love to all, have a good Holy Week, and stay kind to each other.  MUAH!  :*

On the other side

So I know that I've officially been here a year.  How, you ask?  The trees are in bloom again and it's friggin' MAGICAL. 

It's been amazing having 4 seasons... not winter, still winter, almost winter, and road construction like I grew up with and then summer, more summer, late summer, ice storms (1 mo) in TX.  Having proper seasons has been fun.  Something to look forward to before I come home.

Anyway, nothing much has been happening.  We are trying to figure out how to ride out the corona with schools being closed.  We are on a reduced schedule and apparently my job is trying to figure out if we need to start teaching like normal.  I hear that the schools will be closed for another month or so.  Speaking of months, I forgot about May.  I'm so excited for June and my trip to Namhae Island that I kind of mentally skipped May.  LOL - single minded much?!  Gotta have something to look forward to, right?  Life continues in this weird, uncertain way.  I've been able to save some $ this month, so the pay cut shouldn't be too terrible and like all things, this too must end.  I'm trying to be quite chill about everything - nothing I can do anyway other than plan for coming home in March (yeah, pretty sure I'm jetting as soon as this contract is up) and really it's too soon to start seriously applying for jobs.  I am going to gamble this weekend to go get a burrito at a place in Gangnam that is supposed to have refried beans.  I will never again take refried beans for granted, I promise.  

I got a package from my aunt that included brownie mixes and yellow cake mix.  As soon as I get the rest of the stuff I need, I'm making gooey butter cookies in my toaster oven.  It'll take a while, but it's gonna be SO GOOD.  I'll probably have to warn the Korean staff about the high sugar content... but then again they sweeten their garlic bread here, so what do I know?!  

Everyone has been as good as can be expected.  There have been cases of corona around us, but we're all being smart and wearing our masks when we expect to be around a lot of people, washing our hands a lot, and personally I've had adventures in plumbing that have led me to wash my hands a LOT today.  Full story - I've been using those blue tab things in my toilet.  Today I went to put a new one in and somehow it fell down the hole in the tank... then floated to where I can't grab it to save my life.  So now the water is REALLY blue and I figure as long as it doesn't harm anything I'll just have to wait for it to dissolve.  Cracks me up, but what else can I do?  I also cleaned the drain in my sink and poured drain cleaner down it... I think the stuff I use from Lush creates a gelatinous mass in the pipe that builds up and catches... stuff.  Plumbers are real heros, that's all I can say.  

To keep busy I've been using my coloring pencils and a coloring book I got from Daiso as well as the Penned Dragons one that I downloaded.  I could probably do some more cleaning and stuff but honestly... I don't care.  I've been thinking of going to take my bedding to the laundromat for a good 2 weeks now and I just can't be bothered.  As the weather gets better and more things are in bloom, I'll be sure to share them with you.  I do hope to hear that the cathedral is at least open before Easter, but I'm not pinning a lot of hopes on that.  I'll pray the stations on Good Friday and have an extended fast so that it doesn't just feel like another day of the week for me.  Then on Easter Sunday it's to Vatos for a margarita... or 2.  :)

I just wanted to give everyone a quick update - nothing really big and no particularly deep thoughts lately.  It's been nice being able to name my demons - makes them easier to deal with.  I am not looking forward to the job hunt... those months after I quit GRMC were brutal.  I need to figure out how to handle the hope, rejection, and ghosting of the job hunt.  You thought dating was brutal... try getting a job when you don't know anyone to give you an "in."  J told me that I need to start building a network - she's such a journalist, but she did have some good points.  Time to stalk people on LinkedIn.  

Much love to all, can't wait to see you in 2021.  MUAH! :*