And off the cliff

I didn't fry the transmission control module. I fried the transmission. Apparently they are incredibly sensitive to power surges and the one I used to jump the car was just TOO POWERFUL for it. All my zen about the car is gone. The transmission had to be replaced. It's a 7 hr job. I am SO... just all the things. I'm angry with Ford, with the engineer who designed the damn thing, myself for thinking jumping it wouldn't be a big deal, the shop because they told me the bad news. I JUST paid it off. It was supposed to last until I could build up a down-payment for when it broke. You know, in another 50,000 miles or so, not to have to replace the transmission because i had to jump start it!!! Instead it just... broke. I. Am. Gutted. After some time to reflect, the transmission has always been a bit wonky and was probably going to die. I just wish we could have scheduled it properly!

I am also blessed with an extremely kind, understanding husband who ran me out to the hospital on Monday so I could get my passwords and prep my boss to run my patient safety meeting. My boss ok-ed my continued WFH status, hubbs got to finally see my office and laugh at the pix I chose to put up (and how many are of the cat). We even stopped for dinner in Joshua on the way home. So even though my car is kaput, it's going to cost double what I was initially quoted, and things are gonna be kinda lean for a bit... we are ultimately ok. 

I have tiny tomatoes!

Also, tomato plants are THIRSTY.

HOW COULD I NOT POST PIX OF THE CUTEST VOID CAT?!?!??

The rest of the week was business as usual (as much as WFH can be). I am VERY glad my hubby wasn't home to hear my outbursts of frustration. All I can say is that some people are VERY lucky I don't actually know how to curse their bloodline to the 15th generation. 

I got a notification that my fitness tracker was down to 10% battery. That means the battery, when fully charged, lasts about a month and a half. Not too bad. I set it up ok 2/8 and it notified me on 3/24. 😁

I also am planning my next tattoo. It's gonna go on my left forearm. First tattoo I'll see all the time!! Hehe.

Turned out the car was ready on Wednesday. So hubbs took me to get it and I gave him back the jumper box. I'm never doing THAT again. The mechanic said that the transmission was probably going out anyway and the jump was just the catalyst. Sigh. Hubby keeps telling me it wasn't my fault, things just happen. I do know that, but it still sucks. I'm so grateful that he is an understanding man. 

Thurs and Fri I was able to be a real person again work again! I had to put on CLOTHES and DO things. I was glad to be home on wed, since the cat decided to throw up on the bedspread and I could put that STRAIGHT in the washing machine. Still, humans are creatures of habit and since IT has made it so my VPN kicks me out every hour, I was happy to be back at work.

Saturday hubbs and I hit the farmers market, then went to visit his mom, then meandered home.

New dumpster fire earrings 

A little treat on the way

The beers at lunch were brewed back home! Also featured WY bison (burger and... meatloaf?!?!)

When I have a problem, and my husband enables me. 😁

Sunday hubbs has to work, so I'll do mass, lunch with A, cleaning and such. Hopefully we can go grocery shopping after he is done with work. Its back to normal for a week. 

On the Bright side

Well, I write about how I'm afraid that the Lord is going to ask too much of me, and then the next day Hallow tells me "the Lord will never ask for more than you are willing to give." Talk about Lent being a continual kick in the head. Thanks for that.

Speaking of which, Monday morning was the coldest we've had in a while. I went out to my car and... nada. Battery was dead. No biggie. I dressed warm, also Hubby gave me a jumper gizmo. I get it out of the trunk, hook it up, wait a bit, and VROOM! Put everything away, get in and... it won't get out of 1st gear. Ok. Maybe it needs to warm up. Drive thru a couple parking lots... nope. Call hubby, he says go home, I'm on my way. I call my boss, he says work from home and keep me posted. We go to Costco for a new battery (on my lunch, relax), hubbs puts in the new battery and... starts fine, still won't shift. So I get permission to work from home for the foreseeable future, reach out to a friend from the area, make an appt at the mechanic for Friday morning, and eventually thaw out (again, COLDEST DAY FOR LIKE A MONTH). Tuesday the CNO learns that I'm going to be working from home, but I don't have a work laptop so I'm limited in what I can do (webinars, mostly). She says NOPE and starts the process to get me a laptop. Wednesday around 11 she comes by to drop off my new laptop (I've been asking for like 2 years now, she gets it done in 2 days) make sure I can get in it and the VPN works, then takes off again. (I sooooo owe her drinks.) I got real work done Wed pm and all day Thurs. 

My coworker all week. He was fired for clawing the crap outta my finger. 

He seemed ok with being able to sleep in a bit. Sweet kitty baby.

I had already requested Friday off, so that day we drove 10 mph to the shop (backroads FTW!) left the car with the mechanic, and went to breakfast. The food at Our Place is great! We already had plans for a date night in Grapevine, so we waited for traffic to die down and made our way to the northern part of the metroplex. We had a great time walking around Grapevine mills mall, checking into our hotel, having a drink at the bar, then getting our Uber and going to Messina hof winery for our pizza and wine pairing. 

Hubbs is the God of thunder!!

Getting ready to go.

Pre-pizza snackies

All the wines we'd be taking

Pizza #1- veggie, 2 was chicken pesto, 3 was Chicago Joe (pepperoni, ham, pepperoncini), 4 was spicy hula (pineapple, ham, and jalapeño), and 5 was Nutella and banana. 

Dessert pizza. So good. We decided we didn't want to go back to the hotel yet, so we went to Napolis and had appetizers and drinks.

Ricotta dip with toast and tiny foccacia 

Dessert: lemon cake with lemon icing. 

PDA while waiting on the return uber.

Then back to hotel and sleeps. The next day we got up, found a cute Aussie Cafe for lunch, then headed to the plano area to go to a game store. Wandered that for a while and then met up with our friends for a triple bday party. C made ramen, we had a lot of fun, then headed home to the kitty cat. He was confused and happy to have us home. 

Chai with walnut banana bread

I got a new friend, too.

Found the BEST margarita stuffy.

Seeing our friends was lovely. Sunday I got up and took the van to Mass, then we decided to stay in the rest of the day. We have ordered torchys tacos for lunch, and will probably have groceries delivered, too. 😁 found out on Friday that I fried the transmission control module so the mechanic will have to change that out. The car should be done by Monday afternoon/evening, so I'll be working from home again on Monday, maybe even Tuesday. Sigh. Such is life, I guess.

I hope all is well with you my friends. I hope you are able to relax today and prepare for the coming week. Hugs and love.

Happy snuggly kitty.

My Take

I don't usually use this as a soapbox to scream my opinions on the state of the world, but it's been weighing heavily on my soul, so here goes. 

(...and Britain said yeah...)

I am enraged that the release of the files hasn't lead to any arrests, prosecutions, or any real consequences. Yes, some people have "stepped down" from their positions, but for me that isn't enough. I am holding on to the hope that lawyers are going through all that filth and building cases against those who partook in the exploitation of any child. ALL of them, no matter their position in government or business. I'm afraid it's going to degenerate into a he said/she said screaming match in court, but I want there to BE a day in court. I want the men brought down and the women who helped them to prey on other women brought down with them. I am beyond disgusted by the lack of accountability these people have been held to, and God do I want to see them held accountable. 

I mean, at least the UK arrested former prince Andrew. 

Now, do I know that this kind of thing has happened all throughout human history? Yes. Do I know that the problem isn't just these men at this time? Also yes. I am aware that human trafficking, including sex trafficking still happens. That sex tourism is a huge industry that preys upon anyone that it can, including small children. I know the problem is that as long as there is demand for this kind of thing, someone, somewhere will manage the supply. I know that bringing down this one, massive ring is still just a drop in the bucket. Really, I am aware of all of this. And that's why I am struggling SO HARD with this. How do I continue to pay taxes and live a 'good' life knowing that I'm contributing to the society that exploits people? (Yes, i know in some way we are all exploited in our lives, usually by being underpaid at menial jobs to keep business owners happy.) How do I vote for anyone after congress votes to keep themselves safe? Someone said that if we were to prosecute everyone in the files then our whole system would collapse? Good. Do it. If this is the system that let epstein build his empire, protected him (until even they couldn't anymore), and STILL won't prosecute his clients then BURN IT. BURN IT DOWN. I've been trying to spend my $ at companies that treat their people well, but I know I've given some of my money to companies with high ranking people on that list. That sickens me. 

As I've been struggling with all this, I've also been listening to Hallow where they are using the brothers Karamazov as their Lenten reading and meditation. It's been an amazing pick because some of the brothers are struggling with the same things I am. And as always, they hit the spiritual issues on the head. My problem is all the things that I want to see come of this. My disappointment is that I haven't seen the repercussions yet, and I may never see them. My only path is to trust in God. I have to trust that he's got this. This and all the hidden trafficking and horribleness of the world. I have to trust in his justice, his timing, his plan. And I have to accept that I am not meant to understand all of the things. I'm not even meant to understand my place in all of this. All I can do is trust, and it doesnt seem enough. That is my pride. My sin. What a great time to realize this, during Lent. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart

    and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways submit to him,

    and he will make your paths straight

Proverbs 3:5-6

I'm trying Lord, I'm trying. Part of me still wants to know that they will be suffering for all eternity... but the whole basis of salvation is forgiveness not being based on merit. Sincere repentance could lead those monsters to heaven. That is the gift of God and again, not something I am meant to fathom. I can't even try. So I'm going to live my little life, go to work, pay my taxes (uuuugh... that finance more oil wars but whatever... I'm so tired of this BS), love my family and friends, and pray. Pray for the state of the world, pray for those who are exploited and their families, pray for those suffering sexual violence of any kind, pray for those who are mourning, those who are hurting, and those who, like me, have rage and no real way to turn it into action. I can be a light to my own little community, but I don't think I'm called to light the world on fire. 

Of course, maybe I am. I've been struggling fo really delve deep in my prayer life because (as always) I'm scared of what the Lord may ask of me. I'm afraid He will ask for more than I am willing or able to give. I'm afraid He will change my life in unforeseen ways and I'll lose people that I hold dear as a result. My priest gave a homily last Sunday about staying in the darkness of fear, pride, and confusion. I thought "but the dark asks for nothing. The Lord, the light, asks for everything." The difference, of course, is the Lord wants everything in love and for love. For your good, the good of the world, and the good of those you love. The darkness keeps you from that. So be courageous and be the light (was the message). Another thing to struggle with this Lent (and beyond, let's be honest). 

So in this dumpster fire of knowing that society is being run by people who will wage (another) oil war to (they hope) distract the public from the heinous acts they have (likely) committed, while they also (apparently) believe this will help bring Jesus back (cuz why not, he obviously needs the help, I mean it's been 2000 years already) but at least one has already said they were gonna make SO much money off of this (saying the quiet part out loud now), I am trying to trust that the Lord has got this, not think of how my life contributes to the fire (which is still killing the ecosystem we need to survive -don't get me STARTED on AI data centers and THEIR polluting issues), try to let go of my pride, fear, and confusion, and somehow try to be a light to the world from my little corner of TX. While staying employed. Gee, I wonder why I've had the morbs lately 🙄 

Great Catholic quote... so far I haven't choked anyone, so look at me out here witnessing!! 

Anyway, my soapbox moment turned into a introspective moment that showed where my spiritual weaknesses lie. As St Teresa of Avila once said to the Lord, "this is why no one likes you!" Peace be with you, friends, and I'll try to find some, too. Hugs and love and light from my little corner of the world to yours. 🔥🥰

Everyday Adventures

Texted hubbs that I made an appt on Friday for a tire rotation at Costco. Got back "can we have a Costco date?" LOL. So that's officially the Friday plan. 

In the meantime, I got my refund from infinity hoop for the "community" I never intended to join, and I continue to use the hoop. It's a good workout and my abs have been SORE, so I'll keep it. Doing the 30 mins every day for a month thing to see if I actually lose 2 inches in a month. Hehe. Stay tuned. Something must be working because one of my coworkers called me 'skinny' on Wednesday. I think that's the 2nd time in my life someone has used that particular adjective.

... yeah, my thighs beg to differ... good God I look like a Pixar character. All thighs and butt. Lol.

Now that hubbs has been a daywalker for 2 weeks, I can reflect on some things. One of the things I did before was join a yoga studio. I wanted to have something to do that involved other people during my evenings at home. Now I think I'll still keep the membership, but choose 1 or 2 days and a few classes here and there. I want to spend time with him in the evenings, but I also don't want to give up the stretchy goodness. I'm still hitting the gym, and he generally leaves me alone when I'm hooping in the living room. He games to unwind at the end of the day, and I'll go in and chat for a while, then go and do my own thing. He'll make himself some dinner while im chilling on the couch, and its quite peaceful, really. I do think I'm sleeping better at night because I'm not listening for him to come home. The poor man is suffering with the transition, but if my brother in law can do it, so can hubby!

I feel like I was a bit of a hot mess this week. Almost forgot my coffee on wed, thurs I finished the most onion-forward tomato soup you'll ever have (not doing THAT again) and I also got a blister on my big toe from hooping. So I found my Dr sholls blister things and... guess when the expiration date was. Go on, guess. 12/09. That's right, December of 2009... FIFTEEN YEARS AGO. I've had these things with me thru ALL THE LAST 15 YEARS. I must have bought them when i started my first corporate job, at HONDA. Thats right, i got them for my heels that i thought i could train myself to wear. Lmao... ah, youth. That or they were for fancy wedding shoes. Or both. Probably both. I also came to the realization that NO ONE knows all the stuff I do at my job. Between uploading patient profiles for surveys and making sure the eCQMs are working right and dealing with "support" from both of those... smh. If we ever get a coordinator, I'll happily turn this stuff over. 

When Friday the 13th happens in March.

Update on my balcony gardening. Eeny and miney are alive, meany and mo died. So I have 2 pepper plants and an empty planter... until Thursday... I got cherry tomatoes for me and a basil plant for hubbs. 

Eeny

Miney... both made it thru the winter on the kitchen counter!

Cherry (fingers crossed she lives) 

Basil. If it's anything like the basil my bestie got in our first apt, this will last FOREVER. 

Ace had a happy Caturday. 

We had a nice weekend of pizza from costco on Friday (along with tire rotation and shopping) then pizza at home on Saturday. We went to sprouts for salad and pie 😁 cuz, pi day. And my hubby likes salad with his pizza. We are still in operation: clean out the freezer. We had to pass up some amazing freezer costco stuffs cuz no room. Sigh. I want kimchi pancakes!! Anyway, Sunday will be mass, then lunch with A, then home for an evening with hubby. I hope all of your weekends have been lovely!!! Hugs and loves 🥰🥰

More Thoughts

Seeing a friend (T) who lives far away experience a loss sucks because I want to physically be there for them but because teleportation doesn't exist yet, I can't. So I reach out, I pray, and I remember. I remember trips to see her family when we were in college and how surprised I was that they welcomed me right away. I remember feeling safe and loved and truly seen for who I was - a young woman on her own, far from home, in a weird college where I still didn't fit in (I've decided not fitting in is something of my superpower, but I digress), trying to find my way. T and I met in orientation and bonded over driving mustangs. That first year, she never let me go as far down the self-destructive path that I wanted to. She always brought me back with logic and humor. When she brought me home to her family I felt as at home there as I did with my own parents. Her mom and I had many long conversations over cigarettes and her dad was always doing something around the house or loving on their golden retriever. They took me to the grotto at St Elizabeth Ann Seaton, and I learned a lot about the area they lived in. I don't know how different my life would have turned out without the anchoring influence of my friend and her family, and my heart aches for them in the wake of their loss. (I did consider a 42 hr round trip road trip in 4.5 days to attend the funeral, but hubbs wasn't comfortable with that and honestly, I get it.) I feel privileged to have known her dad, and indeed all of her family. I hope to get the chance to come visit soon and place flowers on his grave. Introduce our hubbys, spend some time at the grotto, take a drive with my friend and talk out all of the mysteries of life. I love and miss you.

Looking back on life, it's funny how things sometimes replay. I met this friend on day 1 of orientation at college and we were something of an odd mix. I used to joke that she was the Saint and I was the sinner (evidenced in one of my FAV pix of us, her in a white "children of God" shirt and me in a black Metallica one). Fast forward to Korea and day 1 of training I meet J. We are again something of an odd mix. Yet in both cases our friendship endures thru years and many life changes. I definitely see the hand of God in both of these relationships and I am so, so grateful to Him for my friends. If it wasn't for T keeping me somewhat on the right path, I may not have stayed at FUS long enough to meet my bestie and LORDY how different life would be. I am truly blessed, and I hope my friends know how much I appreciate them. I'll never be able to repay all that I owe to those who have stayed by me through all these seasons of life... and I am truly awed by how enriched my life has been because of them. No matter how far away we live or how long its been since we last saw one another, the love remains the same and that is beautiful. 

Yep, I love this pix of us.

Hubbs' transition to day walker is rough, but he is toughing it out. Between an obscene wake-up time, dealing with traffic coming home, and getting used to new meal times, the poor man has been hurting. On the other hand, getting to spend time together at the end of the work days has been lovely. We did have a couple changes to work thru- he is now the instigater of the goodnight kiss, as he goes to bed before me, and he also wakes me before he leaves. Sleeping arrangements probably won't change until we get a better bed (independent raising capability, ability to not feel the other moving, that kind of thing), but the extra few hours where we are both awake and coherent are nice. His work week is still sun-thurs, which I learned throws me off. I spent all my mon-fri work week a day ahead (thought mon was tue, tue was wed, etc.). Kinda weird. I did feel a little bad scheduling things for after work since this was week 1 of him working days, but I still did my thurs yoga and treated myself to a massage on fri. 😁

Island massage spa is a lovely place 

Older sis texted on fri that her dogs legs no longer can support her, so she had to put her down. Super sad.

Gonna miss the purse puppy. Then on sat our other friends husky passed away. OMG, this is the WORST. Why was it such a bad weekend for the puppies?!?!

Had someone at yoga ask me the other day what my fitness goals are and I told her "to be able to get up off the floor at 90" followed with "and I better MAKE IT to 90!" I guess the thoughts have pseudo-shifted. I'm still weighing myself and have a certain goal # in mind, but the point of lifting has become "age is strength." Saw a 78 yr old lady's post about "growing old is inevitable, growing weak is optional." I'm gonna age like gma, so when I get my knee replaced someone is gonna have to follow me around with a walker cuz I'm not gonna use it! 

Saturday hubbs and I went to chilis for lunch, then went shopping. We got stuff at the Japanese store in town, then frames from Michael's, food from aldi and Kroger. I ran out of oomph about halfway thru Kroger. Came home, framed my art, and then poured myself a glass of red, sat down with a pack of Swiss rolls, and turned on Kong: Skull Island. 😁

First

Second

3rd, 4th, and 5th. Gonna hang them at work. 😁

Sunday the plan is for hubbs to go to work, I'm gonna go to Mass and then coffee shop, then come home to make Philly cheesesteak and mashed potatos. Should be good. I'll let you know in a week 😉

Hugs for all, especially those who are mourning. I love you and miss you and I wish I could be with you.

Reflections

Brandon Lee once said in an interview something about how we get to see life as infinite. That all things will eventually happen for the last time, but we get to live like they will always be how they are. I was struck by that last weekend at the condo, knowing that it's likely our last weekend there as our hosts are looking at changes. Bestie and I have been coming here for about 20 years, starting spring break our senior year of college. Ever since, it's been a constant in our lives, a good getaway for a week or a weekend. Hubbs and I stayed here for the first nb Ren fair, his bday, my bday, and now for the reading retreat. Bestie basically hosted her whole wedding party here, and oh the shenanigans that ensued. We have had so many good times in and around the condo. We are sad to see it end, but also intrigued by a possible new chapter of exploring other options for weekend getaways and such. With the river being so low, floating it hasn't been quite the same for many years now, so perhaps we will find something else that suits us better. Who knows? The time we had here was precious and we have certainly enjoyed having a free place to stay within driving distance, but all things do indeed pass. It was a blessing to have, and I will miss it, but I am also thankful that losing the condo doesn't mean losing our hangout time. We can still get together, and even splurge on the odd air bnb if we want. Bestie mentioned something about the next retreat being in a cozy one with maybe a hot tub... hehe. So as all good things must pass, sometimes they pass to make way for things that are just as good, if not better. I shall look back with fondness on our time at the condo and who knows, maybe in the future I'll be able to buy it myself! Hehe.

On the way home we stopped in Salado for lunch at chupacabra (wearing the shirts we bought at the last Atreyu concert).

Good food. Next time we'll try the beer and wine side. 

One of the things that has hit me so far during Lent is that I need to stop hating my fellow humans. A theme has been "see the face of Jesus in everyone" and "God loves the person next to you just as much as he loves you." And you know what? It's hard to remember that when someone almost hits my car cuz they aren't paying attention. Or when someone yells at me for something that isn't my fault. Or when I need someone to do something for me and they flat out REFUSE to do it (grrrr). To remember that my actions can make someone's life a little more difficult ends up backing up against "Yeah, well what about those who are making MY life more difficult, huh? You think they ever think of ME? Of course not! So why should I think of THEM? Where's the sense in that?!" And I get back "Because they aren't you, and this is YOUR issue, not theirs. It's YOUR soul you need to be concerned with, not theirs." Sigh... just because I try not to make anyone's life more difficult doesn't mean I'll get the same courtesy back. And even if I did, how would I know? (Barring the work stuff, that is, I KNOW when that gets done or not.) I can just about give grace to those whose talents lie in other places than my own (they may not do X right, but they can do Y and I can't, so I'll help as much as I can with X), but those who tend to ignore things that I've brought up as a problem until they become a PROBLEM... those I have less grace for. And apparently during this season of Lent (and beyond, let's be honest), I need to work on that specifically. Sigh... I gotta stop saying "I hate humans" in traffic, or calling someone an a-hole for driving like an a-hole. "Stop driving like an a-hole! I'm sure you're a very nice person when you aren't crossing 3 lanes from a left turn that you overtook me on because I apparently waited too long to get into that lane, even tho I waited until it would be obvious that I was turning at THIS light and not into a parking lot, which was unclear for YOU when you went into the left turn lane HALF A BLOCK ago." Yeah, not dwelling on that one at ALL. Some people are just more important than others. Sigh... see, this is why I have to work on this. That jackass is loved by God, too. Was it mother Angelica who said its hard to pray for someone that you wish would slip on a banana peel? Oh this is gonna be a hard habit to break...

Anyway, moving on from my twisted soul... hubbs is going to try working 1st shift for a bit to see if he can transition to a day walker. We might be able to see each other during the week! How strange, right? I think we both are wondering how this is going to impact our relationship/life routines. I mean, I do like that we'll have the chance to actually get tired of each other. Tho that joke does speak to a deeper fear that conflicts will arise more often... for me there's the fear that something will come up that drives him crazy but up until now hes never seen, you know? Which is kind of crazy because what could that POSSIBLY be? I go to the gym right after work, come home, shower, prep the coffee maker, play with the cat, and then do my Lent stuff before bed. I think it's just the added "someone else is here" pressure that is giving me trepidations. There's a transition period every time living arrangements change, even when its with the same person. 😁 I send him post workout pix already... now he gets to see me in all my sweaty, stinky post-gym glory. Lol... poor man. He is going to go from being at work at 230 pm to having to be at work at 6 am. It's gonna be a hard transition.

We had a nice date night on Friday, and then poor hubbs wasn't feeling great on Saturday, so we stayed in. One of my friends posted that they just lost their dad, which made me think again about how we get to see life as endless. Part of me always thought I could go visit anytime and everyone would still be there. Unfortunately, as life changes for me, so it changes for those i love. My heart hurts, the world seems a little less for losing him. I also ache for my friend, her sister, and her mom. Their grief... there's no words. My heart positively aches for them. I am painfully aware that death is a part of life, but some days I wish that were not the case. I hope all of you know that I love you and I hope for all good things for you. Hugs from far away.

Hubbs made it to work on Sunday. I went to Mass and then did all the first Sunday of the month cleaning. That's why it took until now to post. And now hubbs and I can have dinner together like a real married couple!! How weird is that?!