Gatsby Party

It was a good night of being fancy.  J came over at 1 to do my makeup and then we headed into Seoul with M(Houston).  We went to dinner at Vatos, which was good but it took us about 2 hours to get there because traffic in Seoul was so bad.  We ended up bailing from the bus and taking the subway earlier than planned because it took 10 mins to go 2 blocks!  I spent most of the ride reading Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil.  Good book, but makes me miss Savannah (and Jess).

So we met up with S at Vatos, he got there early and ordered everything.  It was amazing as always, and I had a margarita for my friend back home whose b-day was the same day.  After food, J, S, and I took a cab to the marina.  He got us our tickets and our VIP wrist bands and we were shown to our table.

 Had to get a pic of the banner.

 J looking cute as always.

 The marina and some of the other fancy dressed people.

 Aren't we cute?

 S looking mighty dapper.

 I was feeling... sassy.

 Another banner because of course.

 The marina.

The obligatory group pic.

 Some of the group - it was a fun group, mostly of S's co-workers.

 This is probably my favorite couple - they're so cute.  And he's from Dallas, so he knows the wonderfulness of Anamias, which makes me happy.

 Our resident DC-er... who I bit at one point cuz he tried to take my booze away.  Yeah friends, it turned into that kind of night.

 These 2 were also cute.

 J getting a little tired of the pix here, I think.

 Yep, those are all free drinks, btw.

 I love that scarf.

 She looked INCREDIBLE!

 Such fun.

 Dancing  - and yes, the Great Gatsby was playing on the screens.

The last pic of the evening.  As you can see, a good time was had by all.

Expat or Just Human?

I've been wondering what all makes the expat life so stressful.  I know the last post I wrote was more 'Sympathy for the Korean Staff,' but really those of us who did decide to leave our country to try a year in a new one are struggling a lot.  The thing is, the more expectations we had, the more disappointed we are when they don't work out the way we want (see post on that).  There is a lot of attitude involved as well, though.  I had that thought last week.  Viktor Frankel (Mans Search for Meaning - read it, love it) mentions that the last freedom we have, once all else has been taken away, is how we choose to react to what happens to us.  E called it my 'interesting' way of looking at things.  Some examples: small apt - easy to clean, bathroom that is also shower stall - at least I can put my foot on the toilet when I need to shave, tiny kitchen - less hauling groceries (I still struggle against the 'prepare for being snowed in' mentality when grocery shopping), strange food - at least it's readily avail, paying bills at the bank - muscle memory is the shiznit.  We live in an age where I can call home (once I figure out the time difference) instead of handing a letter to someone and hoping it gets delivered.  I was even informed that they are going to open a Vatos in Pyeongtaek - which is MUCH closer than Seoul!!  TACOS are moving south of Seoul!!!

I need to be more sympathetic to my fellow expats.  Just because I don't really understand where they are coming from doesn't mean that I can't be better at listening when they're struggling.  It is jarring to move to a new country, try to figure out how to live like you did back home, finding comfort in things like face masks and regressing to old habits (not something I'm proud of).  Most of them also don't have the experience of moving far from home before.  Sigh... I'm struggling with 2 parts of my personality - the part that wants to help/be around people and the part that wants to be alone with my wine and Netflix.

I had a convo last night with my friend S.  He's been going thru some stuff, and he said something about dating as an expat.  Basically what he said was: when you find someone here, you either have to confirm them quickly and jump in or determine that they are not 'the one' and move on, again, quickly.  As someone who rarely actually meets someone in real life, I feel like my own experience is slightly different, but I get where he's coming from.  Dating back home seems like you can perhaps take more time to get to know someone before determining if they are really for you.  Here it's like there's a built-in shelf life, determined by when your contracts are up.  It seems to me like no one ever stops looking for the next one, even when they are in a pseudo-relationship (which, according to some of my reading, is most relationships these days).  It lends a sense of urgency and anxiety to something that most people find stress-inducing as it is.  However, I have also found a refreshing honesty in my dealings with men over here.  Granted, most are just looking for a hook-up, and disappear into the ether of the internet when they find out I'm not - but they are honest about their endgame, that's for sure.

As for me, I'm much the same here as I was back home.  Not totally interested in dating, I've made 2 really good friends whom I'm protective as hell of.  Which brings me to another point about the dating scene - I'm way too possessive when I think of someone as 'mine.'  I'll do damn near anything for a friend - short of doing something they want which I think/know is bad for them - and it's even worse (better, depending on the point of view) when I'm a girlfriend.  At least, I assume... I mean, it's been well over a decade since I've been considered anyone's 'girlfriend.'  I have had a good time observing 30's me and comparing her to 20's me.  I gotta say, I prefer the honesty and confidence of 30's me.  My friend E said to me one day that she liked something I had once said about something - 'That's not who I am.'  She said she liked that I know who I am and won't do something that is not in line with that.  I think of that a lot - I finally have gotten to where I like myself, I trust myself, and I know that no matter what happens, I'll be ok.  Now... how do I pass along this wonderful knowledge to those who are still struggling with themselves?!  Todd suggested I write a book - "Thrashed and Blessed: A Catholic Metalhead's Journey."  LOL - each chapter would have a quote from scripture and a lyric of a metal song. ;)  Not that I gave it much thought (dripping sarcasm).  Lately due to the re-emergence of 2 dudes from my past (via FB, that evil bloody website), I've also been thinking of "They Always F-ing Come BACK! Memoirs of dating in the digital age."  The title of course is a rip off of Stephen King's "Sometimes They Come Back" short story (great read, ok movie adaptation).  That knocked me for a loop for about a week - the past needs to stay in the damn past.

Anyway, that's what I'm thinking today.  I need to be more sympathetic/empathetic, wouldn't hurt to spend some time with my fellow expats and coworkers, I'm still a mess, and I'm happy that it's finally cooler.  Hoodie is out of the closet, and flannels are about to become my uniform.  I also need to go shopping for jeans... darn it.  Would be nice to have some that fit, tho.  I do have to share my outfit yesterday on here - my students in my favorite class told me that I looked like Tinker Bell.

Then there was the picture that they took for my door:

I couldn't do ANYTHING with my hair that day.  Finally, here is J at Cocky's the night I had schnitzel.

Good foods.  Anyway, life is good, people don't always suck and here's to the Gatsby party on Sat, which I promise will involve a lot of pix.  ;)

Convergence of Cultures

I've been in Korea now for about 7 months, and I think that I'm finally able to write about the dynamic of working in a place with a convergence of cultures.

Working here has been a real eye opener.  From a Korean perspective, it's got to be a huge pain in the ass.  Think about it - you're surrounded by your own culture.  You know what is expected, how to get by, what is acceptable and what is not.  Then you hire English speakers from all over the world - America, Britain, Australia, and South Africa to name few - and they all come with their own cultures/ways of speaking English that are VASTLY different.  What really surprised me is how few of these people, who are MOVING TO A NEW COUNTRY, never took the time to research the new culture they would find themselves in.  It's like some of us moved here expecting it would be the exact same as back home.  Why travel if you think you need all the conveniences of home?!

I'm not sure if it's a youth thing (because most of my co-workers are younger than I am) or what, but it makes me a little crazy.  Reminds me of being back home when people will move from one state to another and then try their hardest to make their new state have the same laws as as their old one.  Well, some people do the same thing here, just on a larger scale.  The thing is, it's not difficult to eat like you're in the US.  One thing we're really good at is making sure most places have American fast food (there's a BK and a Subway really close to work, and a Dominoes and Pizza Hut close to home).  I will say that more taco places would be nice, but frankly South Korea is not a 3rd world country.  It can be a little harder to find certain things - leatherworking tools was one person's complaint, fabric dye also turned out to be slightly more difficult.  The thing is, generally you can find stuff if you find the right shop and have a translation app on your phone.  If you don't mind a little inconvenience, South Korea is about as western a place as you can get in Asia, and it's a great place to live.

Personally, I'd like to spend more time with my Korean co-workers.  There are a few that seem really sweet and they're always professional at work.  I've gotten a sense of their frustration because last semester one of them was telling me about some after-classes coaching she had scheduled me for, and I told her thanks.  Another Korean teacher was there and asked, "You really don't mind when they schedule coachings for you, do you?"  And I responded, "Well, it's a part of my job, so no.  I don't mind at all."  She then replied, "Thank you for saying that."  Which got me thinking - how many times must they have heard the native English speaking teachers complain about having to do their JOBS?!?  Yeah, sometimes work can pile up, but I've never been unable to finish and to my knowledge, neither has anyone else.  We have quite a lot of down time once the teaching hours are over, so what's to complain about?!  Then I thought of some of the stuff I'd heard people complain about and that's when I decided to look at this experience as an interesting social experiment.  Trust me, MTV's Real World has NOTHING on working at a Hagwon. 

Culturally speaking, Koreans are really hard workers.  Most of what I can tell you about Korean culture has already been written about (I got a book about it before I came here so that I could keep embarrassing faux pas to a minimum).  Basically what I've found is that the people we work with want us to come in, do our jobs in a professional manner, and go home.  That's it.  Frankly, that's what every job I've ever had back home also wanted.  How we interact with each other outside of work should stay OUTSIDE of work.  Yes, we can be friends, but we don't need to force it and EVERYBODY doesn't need to be EVERYBODY's friend.  We aren't a bunch of camp counselors in a Disney movie.  Frankly, we're something more like the staff at Downton Abbey.  LOL. 

Most of the difficulties in communicating actually do come from the native English speakers.  The BBC has a great article on why English speakers are the worst communicators.  There are too many nuances.  People who speak English as a second language all speak it the same way, so they are less confused by idioms, slang, and such.  Hanging out with J and M(from Canada, so we're going to call him MC) is a real eye-opener.  I'm so glad I've been so addicted to British TV shows... it's helpful when I say 'vest' then can translate to 'waistcoat' when J is super confused why I find men attractive in them. 

Anyway, the point of this rambling post is to say that I like Korean culture, people are strange, seeing something as a social experiment is proving to be a good coping mechanism for me, English speakers can't communicate well with each other, and life is still good.  I think I've about 95% made up my mind to stay when my initial contract ends... I'm having fun and am not at all ready to go back to the states yet.  Much love to all, MUAH!  :*

DMZ

So nearly the first thing that J ever said to me as soon as we met was 'would you like to see the DMZ?'  I was always down for it.  This past Thursday, we finally went.  Now, for those of you who don't know the history, here it is.

After WW2 when Japan was defeated, part of their punishment was that they would no longer be occupying Korea.  The allies separated Korea in much the same way that they did Germany.  Russia got North Korea and the USA got South Korea.  In 1950, North Korea invaded South Korea.  They got the whole country - all the way down to a tiiiiiny bit in the south before the US got involved.  The US helped South Korea push North Korea back nearly to China... which is when China got involved.  The fighting went on until 1953 when the armistice was signed.  Here's the thing - the war never ended.  There was a cease-fire and the border was established around the 38th parallel.  The DMZ (demilitarized zone) is the buffer zone.  On either side of the border there is a 2km buffer zone.  So the way it works is that as you go north, you enter the CCZ - the Citizen Control Zone.  This is as close to the border as you can get without showing identification.  Then you go into the DMZ itself - in order to get in, you have to have your passport. 

So we started in the CCZ.   

 This is the freedom bridge - the new one, that is.  According to our tour guide, the bridge is not complete - there is a hole in the middle of the bridge so that North and South are not actually connected.  This bridge is next to the original 'freedom bridge' where South Korean POW's walked over after the armistice.

 I can't get over how beautiful this country is.

 Memorials.

 I don't know what the meaning of this was, but I was struck by it.

 This is the peace bell.

 And this is an altar that was set up by the South Korean government.  So during the war, people from North Korea fled to the South in hopes of escaping the fighting.  These people assumed they would be able to go home after the war was over.  As we all know, they were mistaken.  Part of Korean culture is the worship of ancestors.  The people who were displaced are no longer able to go home to observe their rituals.  So the South Korean government made this altar, as close to the border as you can go without showing your identification, so that people could go and honor their ancestors as close to their homes as possible.  They do this on Chuseok (which was Friday) and on New Year's Day.

 A map of where we were.

 Crossing the bridge into the DMZ.

 The blue line shows the southern border of the DMZ - from here on, we were officially in the buffer zone between North and South Korea.

 J looking CRAZY happy that she was finally able to do this.  This was outside the film that was shown before we went down into the 3rd infiltration tunnel.

 The flame for those who died during the war.

 So the reason that I have no pictures of the 3rd infiltration tunnel is that no belongings were allowed down there.  You had to leave all your stuff in a locker, then you could go down.  At first, I was curious as to why we were given hardhats to go down... after hitting my head once, it became clear.  They say that the tunnel was 2 meters tall and 2 meters wide... I would like to call BS on that. 

So this was the 3rd of 4 tunnels that South Korea found in the 1970's and 1980's.  Proof that North Korea was planning an invasion that would take them all the way to Seoul.  I was curious as to how South Korea found this tunnel.

 This plaque told me how - a North Korean defector told South Korea about the tunnel. 

 The area around the tunnel was built for tourism.  You get to see these fun little guys....

 And there were some very lovely water works there.  One of the things about the DMZ is that there are no people there, which means that nature has taken the area over.  It's now home to some rare species that are attempting to make a comeback.

 These features were a testament to that.

 The machines of war and the return of nature.  The DMZ is truly one of the most interesting places in the world.

 So then we went to an observation point where you can see into North Korea - and this is as close as I'd like to get.  You can just see the white flag which is South Korea's DMZ village... the red flag that shows where the North Korean one is is slightly more difficult to see, but it's there, I assure you.

 Looking back into South Korea - it's such a beautiful country.

 Also, if you're wondering why I don't have any pix of myself in this one, it's because I was having one of those days where I hate my face... I think my nose is too big, my chin too sharp, start seriously considering gaining some weight back, you know, that kind of crap.  So I will not be featured in this trip.  LOL - not to worry, I'll be back to loving my face in a week or two.

 So beautiful.

 This is the original observation point, which is no longer used.  Honestly, unification doesn't seem like much of a priority for those Koreans that I've spoken to.  I guess after over 50 years of separation, it just becomes normal.

 Another bell.

 The Canadians in our group found this... of course.  LOL.

 So next we went to a train station.

 This is the station that US presidents have visited.

 As well as the South Korean president and North Korean dictator.

 I found these pictures to be fascinating.

 "Following the South-North Joint Declaration made by two Koreas on June 15, 2000, both agreed to connect the Gyeongul Railroad Line broken during the Korean WAr.  Dorsan station was opened on April 11, 2002, and the South and the North connected the Gyeongui Railroad line on June 14, 2003 at the Military Demarcation Line in the DMZ."

 The station doesn't see much traffic.  Apparently there is one train that comes from Seoul every day to show their commitment toward continued peace.

 The plaque outside the station - I think this is part of the original rail line.

 Then we went to Paju (or something like that) for lunch and shopping.

 The sauces that they gave us to go with our shredded cabbage - it sounds odd, but it was really good!

 My lunch - rice with an egg on top, along with a fried pork chop, topped with kimchi.  I forgot until after I ate a bit that I was supposed to take a pic.  Sue me.  LOL.

 Then we went on to Provencetown - a touristy area styled after a French town.  They had bakeries and OH THE MACAROONS!!!  LOL.

 I kinda would like to go back when all the lights are on.

 Have to have the angel wings.

 And flamingos for some reason...

 Fountain...

 And big ol' mushrooms.  You know, it's no wonder I wanted to watch Alice after coming here.  Very Wonderland-esque.

 Hehe... no idea what the cat was surprised about... but I was, too.  Yes, this pic was ok cuz I wasn't trying to look cute... I was being silly!

 See what I mean about the lights?!

 M and J decided to be silly, too.  I think this place was built for couples to be all cutesy and crap together.  LOL - M makes a pretty good horse, tho.

 So I went to use the bathroom and this sign was on the back of the door to the stall.  I think 0 is my favorite - you're not supposed to be in the toilet with only your head above the bowl. 

 The trees are starting to change.

 And the flowers are still amazing.

So that was our Thursday.  All in all, I'd say it was a success.  When we got home, I went to the grocery store so that the next day I could enjoy marinara sauce with my garlic bread and wine.  Friday, Saturday, and Sunday were full of being lazy and Netflix.  Sunday has proven... interesting... with people getting back in touch.  I find it interesting how it seems like online you can go for months or years without anyone from the distant past reaching out, then it seems like in one week you get a ton of random blasts-from-the-past. 

Anyhow, that's where we're at.  It was a nice few days off, and I almost feel up to going back to work tomorrow.  Next weekend is a freebie, then I have a Gatsby Party the following Saturday, followed by Oktoberfest the next weekend, so that should be fun.  I also really want to go to the Daedunsan Mountain Suspension Bridge (or Cloud Bridge).  Apparently it's amazing in the fall when the leaves change.  I gotta say, after 12 years in TX, I'm enjoying having 4 seasons again.  Of course, remind me that I said that in a couple months when I'm begging for wool underthings from back home. ;) 

Also, totally unrelated, when I was in Bristol staying with Ana's friend, she had a handwritten note that said 'men are VILE' on it.  I think 'vile' is an underused word... and I generally agree with her sentiment.  I met some interesting people in Itaewon the other day, and in the course of conversation, one of the guys said 'modern dating is grotesque' and again... I agree.  Also, 'grotesque' is underused.  LOL. 

So I'll have some more deep thoughts and realizations for you later, in the meantime, be kind.  I love you and hope that life is being kind to you, too.