Vacation Time!!

First off, I hope that everyone had a lovely Christmas. I hope you were kind to yourself, maintained your boundaries, and felt some of the love and joy of the season. 🎄❤️

Technically our vacation is a stay-cation as we aren't going anywhere... but man it's nice to not have to wake up with an alarm clock for a week or so.

Ace was less than impressed with his stocking. Hehe. 

Before we get into the holiday shenanigans, here's where my losing weight obsession may have gone off the rails. At the beginning of the month, I declared Dec 19 as "effective year-end" cuz who the hell steps on a scale between Christmas and new years?? Then I thought "no, you need to stay accountable, so Dec 24 will be the official year end." Then I went back and forth with this a bit until I arrived at the ONLY logical conclusion. Dec 23 would be the effective year end IF that weight was LESS than the Dec 19th one. So... yeah. Dec 19 is the effective year end with 22 lbs lost. That leaves between 33 and 43 to go! So if I continue with what I'm doing, I should be at goal come this time next year. Then it's just a question of maintenance. And possibly getting some new work out clothes since my clothing buying ban ends on Jan 1. 😁 now, tbh I'm probably going to still weigh myself next week, but I'm not gonna stress about it. 

After a week of the WORST "I don't wanna's," it was finally Wednesday afternoon. I worked half a day, then came home to hubbs, pizza, and Christmas movies. We opened our Christmas eve presents (just one each) and then went to bed. Christmas morning we took turns stuffing stocking and opened gifts from others! 

This is officially my favorite pic of the Ace with the tree.

He might need a bigger shark.

The new scratcher is a hit!!

He's having a helluva time getting the treats out. Lol.

So Ace made out like a bandit! Dad called and we got to catch up. Then hubbs and I headed to his sisters house. We had a lovely dinner and played white elephant. Hubbs and I got a new game where we can hit each other with swords and I got the generals hot sauce. 🤪 Then we came home and I got to chat with mom. Then it was bedtime. We had a rather nice, chill Christmas. 🎄

Hubbs and I got to relax on Friday. We rolled the dice and went to Lone Star Bar&Grill for lunch. We hadn't been there before and can now confidently say that it's one of the diveyist of dive bars. Lol. Good drinks and good food, tho. Hubbs decided we needed a bit of a bar crawl so we had an appetizer at lone star, then went to station 330 for an entree, and ended at Eagle Point for dessert. It was a fun day. Nice to be out and about with the warm weather. We came home and watched Emmit Otter (cuz boxing day) and then went to bed. 

Ace was thrilled. 

He's got a nice little set up now. 😁

Saturday was more relaxing and chilling with the kitty cat.

The cutest toe beans!!!

Sunday we got groceries and planned to spend the rest of the day at home. I brought in my pepper plants cuz it's supposed to get COLD later for like 2 days and then be back in the 70s. I'm wondering what I'm going to do with myself for a week! Read? Plan world domination? Prep enough food for MONTHS of lunches? Who knows?! Bestie is coming up eventually, so that will be fun. Here's to ringing in a new year, everyone!! 🥂

New Traditions

Last year we started a tradition of hosting an ornament decorating party at our place. This year, we continued the tradition. So of course the whole week after/before work was cleaning, solidifying food and beverages, cleaning, getting out crafting stuffs, and cleaning. Lol... like any of our friends are going to look under the mat around the faucet, but you know what? That sucker has been wiped DOWN. 😆 Also one is allergic to cats, so lots of sweeping and steam mopping on thurs night. 

I spent the whole week 1 day off. Monday I thought it was Tuesday, Tuesday I thought it was Wednesday, etc. So rude! Friday finally rolled around and after work hubbs and I made a Costco run for the party. Originally we were gonna do soup bowls, but since it's supposed to be 80 degrees on sat, we thought maybe cold things would be better... and a pitcher of new englander (cranberry juice, vodka, and lime soda (the sugared kind) with sparkling water for bubbles) will work better than hot wine. We also got eggnog to mix with the st Brendans we have in the fridge. We also got chicken nuggies, turkey pinwheels, a veggie tray, a cheese log, and a charcuterie tray. Also some italian sodas. If anyone leaves hungry, it's on THEM!! 

On the day of, we had one cancelation due to strep throat and another due to an infection and a positive flu test in the house. So we went from a parry of 8 to a party of 5. Hehe. So. Much. FOOD. Hubbs napped while I watched Christmas movies. I started with the Christmas chronicles 1 and 2, then red one, finally last holiday and garfield. Much funness. Then people started showing up. 😁

The necklace of lights

Foods and friends 

Decorating the gingerbread barn

Putting it together 

The most punk barn EVER!!

Painting other ornaments.

Our happy Christmas batman skull with vodka, cranberry and lime.

It was a good time! We missed the sick people but still put together some ornaments and the gingerbread house! No one had any intention of eating the thing, but it was a fun group project.

Hubbs is working 3 days this week, as am i, and then I'm off until after new years! Hubbs isn't as lucky but will also have some good time off, which will be nice. Yay for PTO!! hugs and love, friends, I hope you are also enjoying seeing your people!!

Tis the Season...

... for BAKING! Its time to make all my lists for all the cookies I'll be baking. Oatmeal raisin, ginger molasses, and chocolate chip for work stuffs, gooey butter for hubbs, Andes mint and probably ranger for in-laws. The weekend is all about softening butter, mixing dry ingredients, cooling, and trying NOT to burn them!! Hehe. Thankfully one thing I don't have to worry about is keeping the cat off the counters. Poor thing can't jump that high. 

Being all cute after a morning of being a menace!

It has become cold enough that I was able to get out all of my cold weather stuff. Sweaters, ponchos, hoodies, thermals, boots, all the best stuffs for keeping warm! Which is good because my hubby runs hot and so is loving the cold while I already run cold so I'm SUFFERING. I even got out my shark onesie from Halloween 2 years ago. 

I bet hubbs is happy he married someone who likes the seggsy sleepwear. 😁 

Work was work again. Tho I'd really like to put this as my automatic response to emails.

Thing about working in Healthcare, its NEVER time for a break. Lol. I am SO looking forward to being OFF for Christmas/New Years.

I am quite annoyed with my car insurance app. We had a concert and drove home at 1130 PM. I open the darn thing the next day and it says "late trips may affect your score." Late. Trips. BITCH, I drive in the metroplex!! I face some of the worst roads for drivers on a daily basis, AND I have yet to use your damn services. Don't threaten me because of ONE late night trip HOME from house of blues. I am a DAMN good driver and you don't deserve me. Sigh... such BS. 

Anyway, this week kind of morphed into a "be kind to myself" week. I went to yoga, but didn't do cardio first (as I have been). One day I went to the grocery store, one day I went to the library with my journal, the other days I went looking for stocking stuffers. I treated myself gently and kindly and it was really quite nice. I must get better at being nice to myself. In fact, one of the yoga instructors said to be kind to yourself and listen to your body and I went "I'm working on that!!" Cuz I have hurt myself by trying too hard. I tend to think I can do all the things until my body goes "we don't bend like that!" I have been enjoying starting the Christmas movie watching... thankfully my poor hubbs doesn't have to watch them ALL with me... tho he probably would. 

Suddenly it's the Dec 'teenths and I'm going "CRAP! I MUST DO ALL THE THINGS!" I've got 2 work pot lucks, one work gift, and I'm VERY happy that I don't have to hide Ace's presents from him (stoked to give him his shark cat bed). The aforementioned cookie baking must commence and at least one trip to Costco must happen before Christmas. I'm also in countdown to vacation mode cuz I'm taking the week after Christmas off. You know, for some "get ready for 2026" R&R which may involve a grinch margarita at a place in Fort worth. 😁

Hubby and I put up the tree on Saturday after we went to the farmers market and checked out the new Buffalo bros in downtown. It was a lovely date day.

Tree

We got Ace this when we were in Lawrence. So cute!!! 

No lasting I'll effects on the kitty, tho he does prefer to be nekke.

Sunday is baking at least 3 kinds of cookies, assuming the butter ever softens. When hubbs goes to work I'll wrap the presents for him that won't fit in his stocking. I'm excited. 😁 most of under the tree is the tunnel for the cat, but we can stack some presents to the side. 

I hope all of you are doing well. Much love from TX. 🥰🥰 miss all of you!! 

More thoughts

We are nearing the end of 2025 and what a wild ride it has been. At the end of 2024 I made a list of "2025 goals" and I'm happy to say I've hit most of them. Some are a work in progress, of course (especially in the 'couple' category), but professional, health, and financial goals are (mostly) hit. 

So what is the big takeaway from the year? Marriage is challenging in ways that are unexpected and my reactions are not always what i would expect them to be. I knew learning to live with someone would be challenging, but I didn't realize how much internal pressure I would put on myself. Communication can be a lego-strewn hallway of misunderstandings and one or 2 of those Legos are emotional bombs ready to go off when stepped on (barefoot, of course). When your person is hurting, you are hurting and when you know you can't make it better the powerlessness you feel makes it worse. My hubby has been thru so much this year, and i want to wrap him in a cooling blanket, plop him in a room with all his gaming stuff, and let him just BE for like a month... but i cant. Half the time i cant even give him a hug or send him ice cream! It tears me up to see him hurt. It sucks that i cant "fix" it. I married the most wonderful, generous, kindhearted man in the world, and I'm so grateful that we found each other in the craziness of online dating in the metroplex. 

It was a rough year. Grief is tough. A lot of changes follow a death, and one of the hardest things is adapting to the new reality. The next hardest thing is being true to your own needs in your grief, especially when faced with other's expectations of how it should go. Its hard to remember that everyone grieves differently, and to accept what their process is, especially when their process differs greatly from yours. Couple that with the pain you're already feeling and... yeah. It's a recipe for a whole lotta suck. 

No matter how often I tell myself that the only constant is change, I still want to rally against certain things. I did read a quote that said it was from Padre Pio (I didn't verify the source). It said "God gave me my sister, and He also took her back." God brings our people to us, and he also calls them home when it's their time. We feel the pain of their loss, but we also get to live in the light of their love while they are here and we get to see them when we ourselves are called home. There's a kind of beauty in that... tho learning to live without them and also coming to terms with what changes in yourself that happen after a loss is TOUGH. Another thought that is comforting is of course from Sir Terry:

I think this also works with the Mexican idea that as long as we remember our loved ones, they can visit us from time to time (and always on Dia de Los Muertos). 

I miss my people who are scattered around the globe, and finding out they have passed still hurts, even when its been YEARS since we had seen each other. My heart aches for all who are grieving, especially during this time of the year. The disconnect between the festive atmosphere and the pain inside is way worse when you feel like you're "supposed" to be festive, too. So I'd like to remind us all of what Dame Judy Dench said, "don't worry so much about 'supposed to.'" 

Anyway, I'm looking forward to 2026. Car will be paid off and hopefully that means we can take some bigger trips! Im hoping for a ladies tropical getaway and a romantic getaway for hubbs and I. 🥰 I wanna be on a beach with a book and a drink and my gals, and in a cozy room with hubby, snacks, and wine! Hehe. Not at the same time, obviously. That would be weird. 

I hope the new year brings peace and joy to all of my family and friends. Let's be kind. Let's be gentle. Let's work on ourselves and treat ourselves well, too. Let's spend more time together. (You can visit, we can roll out the air mattress for you! We know all the good food spots.)

Here's to lessons learned in 2025, and hope for the new year! 🥂

Catching up

So last weekend we got to go to 6 flags and I FINALLY got to ride the TITAN! It was awesome. 85mph on a roller coaster is INSANE!! I'll share the best pix from that.

His selfie face. Lol

LEG LAMP!

Our prize winners. Not pictured: me kicking hubbs' butt on the water pistol game.

If you zoom in on this pic, do we look like we could possibly be related??

The park is so much more magical when the sun goes down. 

Sunday I went to Costco to get my tires rotated and balanced (every 8000 miles, apparently) then i met up with A and we had a lovely visit. Those never are long enough. Then home for chores, getting ready for the short work week. Hubbs took off Wed-Mon and I took Thurs-Mon. We were looking forward to some more time off. I also picked up an apple pie from one of our friends as a surprise for hubbs, as he says it's the best pie in the world. I'll let you know later. 

Work was work, then it was wed evening. Hubbs and I ordered stuff for our snacks-giving, and torchys tacos for dinner. Then we watched movies and Ace snuggled.

Happy cat. 

We were VERY happy that out plans didn't involve flying in ANY capacity.

Thursday we vegged, ate, and just generally made it thru the day. It was nice to have some time off from work to spend together. We watched garfields Thanksgiving special and Addams family values, then the Princess Bride. It was quite nice.

Breakfast

Dinner of shark-cootchie 😁 hubbs made the spinach and artichoke puffs. Very yummy. There is mesquite smoked turkey boob on there, so it 100% counts for Thanksgiving. The pie was VERY good. Didn't get a pic of it cuz we were both excited to tear into it. Hehe.

Friday we relaxed and charged ourselves up for Saturday. We got up at 5am and drove west to see Lil sis at the halfway point; van horn, tx.

2 tired seesters

still goofy!

She brought dyka. I was finally able to meet one of the dogs!

We decided to dinner at el capitan!

Super cute courtyard area

Appetizer trio: super spicy salsa! Also, in keeping with the hag out theme, the dips are in cauldrons.

My dinner: Chipotle raspberry pork chop with mashed potatoes and green beans. The drink was gin with lime and sauvignon blanc. 

Goofy with the hubby

Back at the hotel for mead and hag out. 

Day 2: at the hotel. This was a kind of bare bones hotel. No dresser, no coffee maker in the room, no comfy chair, but a good view. No waffle maker at bfast, either! Lol

killing time watching Dyka work. It got COLD overnight. 

Lunch at the hang out.

Chili cheese tots for appetizer.

I had a Buffalo chicken sammich and onion rings.

Then we all said bye bye and she went west while we went east. We saw 4 big backups on I-20 west due to accidents, but we had smooth sailing all the way home. Quick detour to Kroger for a few essentials, then home to the kitty cat. 

It was a good week, and a good visit. I have missed her. And hubbs was such a good sport: 14 hr round trip for 25.5 hrs of hanging out (sleep time nonwithstanding). Now to get ready for a cold work week!

My Own Worst Enemy

I have reached my 2025 weight loss goal... however, when i checked, I didn't react the way that I thought I would. On the one hand, I was pretty stoked, but the excitement I expected to feel just... wasn't there. So I thought about it, and mulled it over and I realized: I'm disappointed in myself because I couldn't make the scale move without pharmacological help (phentermine pills). Which is... dumb. Like, SO dumb! If one of my friends told me they made their goal after starting on a med, I'd say things like "congrats, I'm so proud of you, that's awesome!" So why am I disappointed with myself?? I decided it's because deep down I really thought I could do it on my own. (Cue My Cousin Vinny quotes here "I wanted to win my first case on my own.") The thing is, I am still lifting heavy, I'm doing at least 150 mins of cardio a week, and I'm doing yoga. It's not like I've been ONLY taking my med. The med was just the key to unlocking... something. It was the last bit I needed to get to goal. I already utilized many resources open to me (healthy food, gym, yoga studio, intermittent fasting), why does THIS resource hit different? And how disappointed would i be if it DIDNT work? Would I have given up? Maybe not, but I would have beaten myself down a lot. And really, the first 5 months of the year there was NO weight loss at all. So hitting 2025's goal after only 6 months is pretty impressive, really. 

I also have a new perspective on reaching goals. On the one hand, yay, on the other hand, we still have a ways to go, and finally (on a foot maybe) I still have to maintain once I get to THE goal. And what happens when that last factor is gone? Is gaining back inevitable? Or will the training be enough to keep the scale firm? WHY is this a constant issue!?!? Sigh. 

All this to say that I have decided I need to treat myself the way I'd treat my friends. And yes, I've said this before, but old habits die hard. Why is it so hard for us to be kind to ourselves? Is it society (which profits on self-hatred)? Is it engrained when we are kids (based on how adults told us we SHOULD be, and then being punished when we fell short)? Is it because we have internalized so many of the bad things people have told us about ourselves (which usually have less to do with us and more to do with those who said them)? How strange (read: wonderful) the world would be if people liked themselves and treated themselves kindly. So, good for me! I took a bunch of the weight loss tools I had in my toolbox and I am on track to get to the big goal (hopefully in 2026: 35-45 lbs left). Then we work on maintaining. Health becomes a habit and then BOOM! I'm 100 yrs old, living independently, and still rocking out!! Hehe. 

I just wanted to share all of this with you because I suspect you are also WAY harder on yourself than you need to be. Give yourself some grace, some love, and breathe. You're doing better than you realize. Much love from TX! 🥰🥰❤️❤️

I also finished the latest book in the Thursday Murder Club series and there were a couple passages about grief that I wanted to share. 

"They can't tell you... that's the thing about your own grief. No one can ever know it but you." I'm struck by how this resonates with me. I've been no stranger to grief in my life. Some friends passed away while others simply passed on to things no longer involving  me. Some I felt the grief keenly, others maybe less so. With all that we have gone thru this year, I am constantly reminded that no 2 people grieve the same way, nor do they feel their grief the same way. There are enough similarities about people going thru the process that we can say there are 5 stages and name them as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. We can remind ourselves that the stages are not linear and people can go back and forth or get stuck in one or the other, but we can't really KNOW how they feel because their grief is individual to them. I think it's really important to remind everyone to be kind not only to themselves, but to others, especially as the holidays come around. Some can just not think about the chair that is empty, the presence that is absent, others can't. The passage above goes on to talk about the chair- his chair. No one can sit in it yet because, tho it's empty, he's still sitting in it. It's so easy to see our loved ones in their usual spot, that it's unheard of for someone to sit there until their presence eventually fades or the chair is given away. My death and dying professor once said that when a loved one passes they stay right in front of your face for a while until eventually they move to your shoulder. Still with you, but not front and center anymore. I always liked that thought. She never gave a time line for it, either. There is no time line for grief, just as there isn't one for love. They both change, over time, and the expressions of them change as well, but if grief is the price of love then I think there isn't an end to grief as long as love still exists. We learn how to live without our loved ones, and sometimes we mourn who we were before they were lost to us, but somehow we find the will to continue. The holidays eventually feel festive again, get togethers become nostalgic for the ones who aren't around but less tears are shed as time goes by. The absence of the loved one still hurts, but the pain isnt so sharp after a while. My heart goes out to those who are mourning, and I'm reminded again how fleeting life can be. How it can all change in the blink of an eye. 

As we progress in journeys around the sun, ive found my friends and family are all entering the time of life where parents, spouses, grandparents, even siblings and we, ourselves are facing health issues galore. I know I am truly blessed to still have my grandparents here, and I know eventually they will be beyond my ability to text as well, and that's the 'little grief' I think I'm facing. Not to be macabre about it, just trying to face the facts and enjoy them while I can. My parents have pretty much told me their end-of-life wants, and I'm VERY glad I'm not going to be responsible for the legal stuff. Since we are married, hubbs and I know we should get some paperwork in order, we just don't want to think about it (and dont have a ton of assets anyway). He likes to think about if we had met sooner and had kiddos. Based on his ideas for names, the good Lord probably knew we shouldn't be in charge of small humans (of course he could prove me wrong, the Lord seems to love to do that). Is this what a mid life crisis is? When you realize the fleeting nature of existence and decide, to hell with it, let's get the corvett? I remember people talking about the mid life crisis but usually in terms of the symptoms, not the cause. When you realize how fragile your particular house of card is, why not just burn it down? Sell everything, get a camper van, and join a commune! As the song says, "but nothin stays" The good times and the bad times come and go, and when the good is really, really good the prospect of losing it is almost paralyzing. We know what is coming and we torture ourselves with the knowledge and forget to enjoy the now. 

Let's enjoy the now, everyone. Let's wake up each day amazed at the miracle of the sunrise. Let's hug our loved ones a little longer than they are comfortable with. Let's tell them all the time how much they are loved (because sometimes they don't KNOW). Let's send the random memes and funny pictures. Let's spam them with Instagram reels. Let's feel the love now, when the grief is still a mere shadow. Let's save the sadness for when it's needed. As Sir Terry said, "I am here and this is now." Do the task in front of you, do your best, and don't hide from love thinking you'll be safe from grief. It doesn't work like that. 

If you stuck with me all the way to here, please know I appreciate it. I hope your holiday season is filled with love, food, and warmth. I hope you remember others and spread kindness and joy. I hope you unplug and connect with your people (unless your people require phone calls, and then can I suggest video calls of some kind because nothing beats seeing their face). Let's be the light in this crappy old world ✨️🕯

People wrapping their vehicles in Christmas lights blows my mind!!