March 9, 2018. A random Friday, nothing special about it. The week leading up to it I was thinking, researching, and deciding if I was going to try this intermittent fasting (IF) my friend Suz was telling me about. It had worked for her, had no super crazy rules or restrictions. Just don't eat most of the day, then eat. Simple!
Prior to this, I'd done all the things you're supposed to do. I dieted, I meal prepped, I went to the gym religiously, I stopped going to the gym, I ate healthy meals that were full of color 3 times a day, and yet... I hovered around 275-285 lbs the whole time. I'd lose some weight; I'd gain it back. At my yearly check up my fasting blood sugar was ALWAYS between 100-110: not yet type 2 diabetes, but definitely pre-diabetic. My doctor never ONCE mentioned it. She put me on thyroid meds, tho... I thought that would help with my lack of energy and weight loss. Spoiler: it didn't. We'll get to that, tho.
So March 9. I commited to one meal a day, black coffee, and a 20:4 eating schedule (20 hours fasting, 4 hour eating window). True to my personality, I have a spreadsheet to track my "windows." Then I learn about alternate day fasting (ADF) and I play around with that. I made it into a game, "How long can I go without eating?" I just wanted to lose some weight without the gym because I've NEVER been able to stick with an exercise regimen. I still ate healthy foods, but breakfast became just black coffee. Then I'd have a snack at around 3, dinner at home, and close the window at 7. The first year, I lose 50 lbs. I was spending less $ on groceries and I was becoming picky about my food. After all, if you only eat once a day, it better taste DELICIOUS!!
Subsequent years saw a 30lb loss in year 2, lots of yo-yo weight in year 3 and 10lb loss. Year 2 and 3 also were spent in Korea where I was much more active, as I had to walk everywhere. I was seeing an endocrinologist in Korea for my thyroid issue. When i first met with her, she said i was on a dose that she would prescribe for someone who had had their thyroid removed. She started lowering my dosage. She also told me my fasting blood sugar was too high and she recommended i get my A1C checked to see if I was type 2 diabetic. I told her I'd like to wait on that, since i had read that fasting could "heal" my blood sugars. I began to suspect that the reason I was put on thyroid meds to begin with was because I was too fat, but she didn't want to tell me that. If I went from normal to hyperthyroid, I'd lose weight. Which I did, but not until i started the IF. Anyway, back to blood sugars. Sure enough, on a follow up visit my blood sugar was less than 100. The next time it was under 100, again. Fasting gave my body the time it needed to use the sugar I already had since I wasn't giving it more. I was doing OK, but by the end of year 3 I was also a stressed-out mess. Fasting was the only thing I really felt in control of, and I wasn't losing like I'd wanted. The weight started creeping back up.
| | | Waist | Hips | | |
| Start | 276.2 | 43 | 55 | | |
| 1 YR ann | 222.7 | 36.5 | 46.5 | 53.5 | |
| 2nd YR ann | 193.1 | 33.5 | 44 | 29.6 | |
| Difference | 83.1 | 9.5 | 11 | | |
| | weight | waist | hips | | |
| Current (YR3) | 185.6 | 32.5 | 42.5 | 7.5 | |
| Difference | 90.6 | 10.5 | 12.5 | |
Told you I was doing a spreadsheet. I never did make it to losing the whole 100lbs I'd like to. Maybe this time around.
Explaining one meal a day, or ADF to people wasn't easy. For the first couple of years, I didn't really want to tell many people about it. I got tired of the judgement. It's amazing how people have opinions about what doesn't affect them, and how vocal they are about such things. I finally figured out how to explain it to my friend who was hypoglycemic. She HAD to eat every few hours or else she'd have a rather nasty hypo episode. When I explained to her that I was hyperglycemic, it clicked. My problem was too much sugar in my blood. I needed to give my body time to use what I already had. That would help me to fix my insulin sensitivity and prevent myself from developing type 2 diabetes. It seems to have worked. My fasting blood sugar hasn't been over 100 for 2 years now.
Years 4-5 were a roller coaster of insanity. I moved back to the US, got a car so didn't walk as much, had access to all my favorite bad-for-you foods, still stressed as hell, got a job where I felt judged and shamed for my not eating days, lost my step-dad and was ghosted by the guy I'd been seeing in Korea (he was military and moving back to the states... and then I never heard from him again... yes, he's alive because he shows up on my Instagram) within 3 days of each other, became a miserable ball of grief and hurt who nonetheless started dating and was quickly reminded why THAT sucks... anyway, I gained a bunch of weight back in year 4. Year 5 saw me moving from WY back to TX, getting my own place, furnishing it, getting used to being back at GRMC, figuring out my new budget, dating again. Stressful but I'd also seen a lot of healing. The fasting has helped me keep off about 40-50 lbs of what I'd lost, but I've gained back too much. That's why I've decided to make the gym a priority once again. Year 6 shall see my continued fasting and a dedication to ensuring my cardiovascular and muscular health. My friend CD is a personal trainer who is going to work with me remotely. He's going to create a workout routine for me, and between the 2 of us, I should be able to lose and keep off the weight I've gained back. I've made a goal for myself... 50lbs by December. I'd like to be able to go to my friend's wedding and then have Christmas on the beach in a bikini. It's me, so probably a bikini and board shorts, but still! I'd like to have the confidence to actually wear a halter bikini top, showing my tum tum!
I've been wondering why I've been able to stick with the fasting when I never could stick to anything else. I think it's because there's no restrictions other than simply "don't eat." There's also no guilt if I do eat. It's more of a "there's always tomorrow" attitude rather than a "you screwed up, you're screwed, might as well go all out" kind of attitude. Even with gaining a bunch of weight back, I'm gentler with myself than I've ever been before. I know the circumstances, I know what I was going through, and I know I can lose it again. I'm grateful that my body is built such that NO ONE believes I've gained back as much as I have. My older sis and friend A both have told me that they can't see it. I have, tho. I'm also able to make long fasts into a game... as well as going to the gym. I'm still playing the "how long can I go without eating" game (don't worry, if I ever feel faint, I eat), and now I'm playing the "how long can I go without eating and also how far can row/walk while in a long fast." Cardio has become a game of "I have 30 mins, can I row 6000m this time? Can I go 2 miles?" I want to go farther in the same amount of time. Rowing means I have to go back and forth between rowing all out and slower (it's a full body workout), treadmill means setting my max speed faster than I did before. I'm excited to see what CD comes up with. So far, he's my favorite trainer... only one to ever ask "how often can you FORCE yourself to go to the gym when you're having a bad week?" I'll keep you all updated on how it goes. In case you don't believe me when I say I can eat whatever I want... here's a pic of my responsible lunch... and then my not-so-responsible dinner. :)
soooo yummy. Chips and salsa not pictured 😋
Anyway, after a lifetime of feeling guilty about my food choices and failures in dieting, IF has been a real breath of fresh air. I think that's why I can stick with it. No counting calories, feeling guilty about "bad" choices, or kicking myself for falling off the wagon. I feel WAY better about my relationship with food, too. Now at least I can recognize when I'm stress eating 🤣🤣
For those seeking advice, here's what I have:
- Make a plan/menu: this makes my fast days easier because I know the deliciousness I'm going to have. Also, it helps keep waste down since I'm cooking for one. On that note...
- Know what recipes freeze well. Helps with making sure you don't waste the food you buy (if you are like me and you HATE throwing food away). If you are a planner like me, this is the best thing to do because you know what you have, what you'll be having, and can plan for activities (like Rio Mambo nights with A).
- After a long fast when you eat again, do not... I repeat... DO NOT trust that the feeling you've gotten suddenly is an innocent little toot. That toot may just be a toot, but it might be more... do yourself a favor and just go to the bathroom to find out. Trust me, you do NOT want to end up doing in your pants what your dear mother so patiently taught you NOT to do. One time is one time too many here, trust me.
- Trust your body. If you start feeling faint or a little shaky EAT SOMETHING. It's not a failure, it's learning what you can and can't handle. Some days I need to eat after 12 hours, some days I feel like I could go for 60 without breaking a sweat. Learn your body, THEN play the "shut up, you're fine" game when you KNOW you're fine and your body is just being dramatic.
- If you are getting hangry and being awful to be around you have 2 options - eat, or recluse yourself. No sense in making your loved ones miserable because your tummy is being a jerk.
Finally
- Be kind to yourself. Really, fasting is not only losing weight and correctding blood sugars, but also healing your relationship with food and what role it plays in your life. Do you stress eat? Do you like certain things because they are good or because they are tied to memories/feelings? Is it fuel to keep your body alive or is it your reason for living? Be prepared to ask yourself "why" you are feeling a certain way and then work through your findings. It could lead to emotional breakthroughs you never knew you needed.
