Musings of a Catholic metal head: Expat or Just Human?

I've been wondering what all makes the expat life so stressful. I know the last post I wrote was more 'Sympathy for the Korean Staff,' but really those of us who did decide to leave our country to try a year in a new one are struggling a lot. The thing is, the more expectations we had, the more disappointed we are when they don't work out the way we want (see post on that). There is a lot of attitude involved as well, though. I had that thought last week. Viktor Frankel (Mans Search for Meaning - read it, love it) mentions that the last freedom we have, once all else has been taken away, is how we choose to react to what happens to us. E called it my 'interesting' way of looking at things. Some examples: small apt - easy to clean, bathroom that is also shower stall - at least I can put my foot on the toilet when I need to shave, tiny kitchen - less hauling groceries (I still struggle against the 'prepare for being snowed in' mentality when grocery shopping), strange food - at least it's readily avail, paying bills at the bank - muscle memory is the shiznit. We live in an age where I can call home (once I figure out the time difference) instead of handing a letter to someone and hoping it gets delivered. I was even informed that they are going to open a Vatos in Pyeongtaek - which is MUCH closer than Seoul!! TACOS are moving south of Seoul!!!

I need to be more sympathetic to my fellow expats. Just because I don't really understand where they are coming from doesn't mean that I can't be better at listening when they're struggling. It is jarring to move to a new country, try to figure out how to live like you did back home, finding comfort in things like face masks and regressing to old habits (not something I'm proud of). Most of them also don't have the experience of moving far from home before. Sigh... I'm struggling with 2 parts of my personality - the part that wants to help/be around people and the part that wants to be alone with my wine and Netflix.

I had a convo last night with my friend S. He's been going thru some stuff, and he said something about dating as an expat. Basically what he said was: when you find someone here, you either have to confirm them quickly and jump in or determine that they are not 'the one' and move on, again, quickly. As someone who rarely actually meets someone in real life, I feel like my own experience is slightly different, but I get where he's coming from. Dating back home seems like you can perhaps take more time to get to know someone before determining if they are really for you. Here it's like there's a built-in shelf life, determined by when your contracts are up. It seems to me like no one ever stops looking for the next one, even when they are in a pseudo-relationship (which, according to some of my reading, is most relationships these days). It lends a sense of urgency and anxiety to something that most people find stress-inducing as it is. However, I have also found a refreshing honesty in my dealings with men over here. Granted, most are just looking for a hook-up, and disappear into the ether of the internet when they find out I'm not - but they are honest about their endgame, that's for sure.

As for me, I'm much the same here as I was back home. Not totally interested in dating, I've made 2 really good friends whom I'm protective as hell of. Which brings me to another point about the dating scene - I'm way too possessive when I think of someone as 'mine.' I'll do damn near anything for a friend - short of doing something they want which I think/know is bad for them - and it's even worse (better, depending on the point of view) when I'm a girlfriend. At least, I assume... I mean, it's been well over a decade since I've been considered anyone's 'girlfriend.' I have had a good time observing 30's me and comparing her to 20's me. I gotta say, I prefer the honesty and confidence of 30's me. My friend E said to me one day that she liked something I had once said about something - 'That's not who I am.' She said she liked that I know who I am and won't do something that is not in line with that. I think of that a lot - I finally have gotten to where I like myself, I trust myself, and I know that no matter what happens, I'll be ok. Now... how do I pass along this wonderful knowledge to those who are still struggling with themselves?! Todd suggested I write a book - "Thrashed and Blessed: A Catholic Metalhead's Journey." LOL - each chapter would have a quote from scripture and a lyric of a metal song. ;) Not that I gave it much thought (dripping sarcasm). Lately due to the re-emergence of 2 dudes from my past (via FB, that evil bloody website), I've also been thinking of "They Always F-ing Come BACK! Memoirs of dating in the digital age." The title of course is a rip off of Stephen King's "Sometimes They Come Back" short story (great read, ok movie adaptation). That knocked me for a loop for about a week - the past needs to stay in the damn past.

Anyway, that's what I'm thinking today. I need to be more sympathetic/empathetic, wouldn't hurt to spend some time with my fellow expats and coworkers, I'm still a mess, and I'm happy that it's finally cooler. Hoodie is out of the closet, and flannels are about to become my uniform. I also need to go shopping for jeans... darn it. Would be nice to have some that fit, tho. I do have to share my outfit yesterday on here - my students in my favorite class told me that I looked like Tinker Bell.