Reflections

Brandon Lee once said in an interview something about how we get to see life as infinite. That all things will eventually happen for the last time, but we get to live like they will always be how they are. I was struck by that last weekend at the condo, knowing that it's likely our last weekend there as our hosts are looking at changes. Bestie and I have been coming here for about 20 years, starting spring break our senior year of college. Ever since, it's been a constant in our lives, a good getaway for a week or a weekend. Hubbs and I stayed here for the first nb Ren fair, his bday, my bday, and now for the reading retreat. Bestie basically hosted her whole wedding party here, and oh the shenanigans that ensued. We have had so many good times in and around the condo. We are sad to see it end, but also intrigued by a possible new chapter of exploring other options for weekend getaways and such. With the river being so low, floating it hasn't been quite the same for many years now, so perhaps we will find something else that suits us better. Who knows? The time we had here was precious and we have certainly enjoyed having a free place to stay within driving distance, but all things do indeed pass. It was a blessing to have, and I will miss it, but I am also thankful that losing the condo doesn't mean losing our hangout time. We can still get together, and even splurge on the odd air bnb if we want. Bestie mentioned something about the next retreat being in a cozy one with maybe a hot tub... hehe. So as all good things must pass, sometimes they pass to make way for things that are just as good, if not better. I shall look back with fondness on our time at the condo and who knows, maybe in the future I'll be able to buy it myself! Hehe.

On the way home we stopped in Salado for lunch at chupacabra (wearing the shirts we bought at the last Atreyu concert).

Good food. Next time we'll try the beer and wine side. 

One of the things that has hit me so far during Lent is that I need to stop hating my fellow humans. A theme has been "see the face of Jesus in everyone" and "God loves the person next to you just as much as he loves you." And you know what? It's hard to remember that when someone almost hits my car cuz they aren't paying attention. Or when someone yells at me for something that isn't my fault. Or when I need someone to do something for me and they flat out REFUSE to do it (grrrr). To remember that my actions can make someone's life a little more difficult ends up backing up against "Yeah, well what about those who are making MY life more difficult, huh? You think they ever think of ME? Of course not! So why should I think of THEM? Where's the sense in that?!" And I get back "Because they aren't you, and this is YOUR issue, not theirs. It's YOUR soul you need to be concerned with, not theirs." Sigh... just because I try not to make anyone's life more difficult doesn't mean I'll get the same courtesy back. And even if I did, how would I know? (Barring the work stuff, that is, I KNOW when that gets done or not.) I can just about give grace to those whose talents lie in other places than my own (they may not do X right, but they can do Y and I can't, so I'll help as much as I can with X), but those who tend to ignore things that I've brought up as a problem until they become a PROBLEM... those I have less grace for. And apparently during this season of Lent (and beyond, let's be honest), I need to work on that specifically. Sigh... I gotta stop saying "I hate humans" in traffic, or calling someone an a-hole for driving like an a-hole. "Stop driving like an a-hole! I'm sure you're a very nice person when you aren't crossing 3 lanes from a left turn that you overtook me on because I apparently waited too long to get into that lane, even tho I waited until it would be obvious that I was turning at THIS light and not into a parking lot, which was unclear for YOU when you went into the left turn lane HALF A BLOCK ago." Yeah, not dwelling on that one at ALL. Some people are just more important than others. Sigh... see, this is why I have to work on this. That jackass is loved by God, too. Was it mother Angelica who said its hard to pray for someone that you wish would slip on a banana peel? Oh this is gonna be a hard habit to break...

Anyway, moving on from my twisted soul... hubbs is going to try working 1st shift for a bit to see if he can transition to a day walker. We might be able to see each other during the week! How strange, right? I think we both are wondering how this is going to impact our relationship/life routines. I mean, I do like that we'll have the chance to actually get tired of each other. Tho that joke does speak to a deeper fear that conflicts will arise more often... for me there's the fear that something will come up that drives him crazy but up until now hes never seen, you know? Which is kind of crazy because what could that POSSIBLY be? I go to the gym right after work, come home, shower, prep the coffee maker, play with the cat, and then do my Lent stuff before bed. I think it's just the added "someone else is here" pressure that is giving me trepidations. There's a transition period every time living arrangements change, even when its with the same person. 😁 I send him post workout pix already... now he gets to see me in all my sweaty, stinky post-gym glory. Lol... poor man. He is going to go from being at work at 230 pm to having to be at work at 6 am. It's gonna be a hard transition.

We had a nice date night on Friday, and then poor hubbs wasn't feeling great on Saturday, so we stayed in. One of my friends posted that they just lost their dad, which made me think again about how we get to see life as endless. Part of me always thought I could go visit anytime and everyone would still be there. Unfortunately, as life changes for me, so it changes for those i love. My heart hurts, the world seems a little less for losing him. I also ache for my friend, her sister, and her mom. Their grief... there's no words. My heart positively aches for them. I am painfully aware that death is a part of life, but some days I wish that were not the case. I hope all of you know that I love you and I hope for all good things for you. Hugs from far away.

Hubbs made it to work on Sunday. I went to Mass and then did all the first Sunday of the month cleaning. That's why it took until now to post. And now hubbs and I can have dinner together like a real married couple!! How weird is that?!