Reflections

It's been a year since we lost my stepdad and I was ghosted by someone that I thought wanted a life with me.  A lot has happened in that time - I left WY and managing the liquor store to move to TX and be the admin assistant for the CNO of my old hospital.  Preparing for the move was stressful, as was setting up a new apartment, furnishing it, getting used to my new commute, and getting back into dating.  I learned a lot in my time in WY - mostly how love is not all sunshine and rainbows.  Sometimes it's doctors appointments, weird reactions to meds, cleaning up body fluids, and just doing your best.  Also HS friends are just as amazing after years apart, I don't respond well to rampant criticism of my life choices, and horribly made, cheesy movies are way too fun in their awfulness.

After we lost R, my focus was on my mom.  I knew I couldn't make things better, but I tried to keep them from being worse.  I learned that when someone I love is hurting and there is nothing I can do about it, it becomes a tremendous pressure.  It's a pressure that I put on myself, almost unconsciously.  I couldn't help with the pain and the grief, but I could go grocery shopping, watch the horrible movies, and just BE there.  I guess in some situations the best (and only) thing someone can do is be there.  It's tough when you're a fixer at heart and just want to make everything better.  Some things just suck and they have to suck for a while.  Nothing to do but ride out the awfulness of the new reality and try to get used to it, I guess.  I wasn't ready to leave when I did, but it was time.  We both knew that I needed to get on with my life and as much as I love my WY family and friends, I missed TX.  

It's been nice being back in TX and getting to spend more time in Ft Worth.  North of Dallas was OK, but I think I like the pace of Ft. Worth better - and the free parking downtown on the weekends is AMAZING.  It doesn't feel as claustrophobic as Dallas, which is nice.  I like having multiple options for shopping, eating, and recreation.  There's museums, aquariums, zoos, bars, restaurants, movie theaters... endless opportunities for fun.  I'm near 3 of my really good friends, I have had ample opportunities to date, and I LOVE having a library with big-city resources.  I am also finally getting back to reading, which to me is proof that I'm more myself now than I have been in a while.  I won't say that everything went to shit after I left TX, but I will say it's been a stressful few years.  I needed to leave, and I didn't really expect to come back, but I'm glad that I did.  I've already met some interesting people and I've been adopted by another extrovert who is making me go OUT and DO things.  LOL.  It's true what they say, introverts make friends by being adopted by an extrovert who makes them leave their home. YAY for Ft Worth adventures!  Hehe.

All in all, I feel as though I've grown a lot since I left TX.  The experiences of living overseas, being emotionally annihilated by multiple experiences with men in Korea (not Korean men, mind you, but other English-speaking men in Korea), coming home, being in WY and seeing the 'for worse/in sickness' side of marriage, dealing with my own heartbreak, and moving back to TX have (I think) made me a more emotionally mature woman while also making me more aware of what I simply will not tolerate in a relationship.  I'd like to think that I've been making better choices than I did before... I guess time will tell.

Now for the pix of my latest shenanigans...

Got to meet up with the seester in Weatherford last weekend.  We did the pup in a bag thing again and got away with it!  This was a coffee shop where the owners did notice her, but didn't raise a stink and just asked to meet her when we were leaving.  She was a growly butt with them, but didn't bite so YAY.  When she lays down in the bag you really can't tell there's anything in it.

I met up with A and her sis-in-law for pedi's on Saturday in Dallas.  It was my first pedi since FOREVER and it was SOOO NICE.  I wanted nail polish that was summery.  Hehe.

Then we went to Bass Pro Shop so that Cake could run around.  I had to laugh.  Overseas we sometimes used the phrase "violently American" to describe certain things and I had a great time imagining J's reaction to this particular store.  There's not a ton of American flags and stuff around but you can buy guns and ammo and bows and arrows and fishing gear and all sorts of other sportsman-like stuff.  Then there's the stuffed animals all around.

These are the only types of bison that you should get this close to.  The kind that are stuffed and indoors.  I'd like to draw your attention to the horns on this one and imagine if it didn't have the bass pro hat on its head.  Zoom your camera and show some respect when you see them in the wild.

Bass Pro is so fun... all the fishies and it's like it's trying to bring the great outdoors to the comfort of the indoors.  LOL.

On Monday my friend K stopped by my office saying that she saw this on the weekend and thought that I needed it.  I have to agree.  Apparently they also had a red one, but she figured it wouldn't go so well in my apartment, and she was 100% right on that, btw.

I did decide to get some more jerky from my favorite place to order it from - it's a place in Iowa and they make some GOOD jerky.  I wanted to try the actual pieces instead of just the sticks this time around, so I got their jerky sample bundle.  I'll let you know how awesome they are.

And this is me on a day where I had forgotten I had to play receptionist at work.  It's also the pic I took to try and compare to the one of me 3 years ago when I first cut my hair super short.  I'm heavier now, but you can hardly tell... which is ANNOYING!  I mean, I can see it, but it's not drastic enough for me to be super motivated to DO anything about it at the moment so I'm in a vicious cycle.  Sigh... it may be time for a haircut tho... I like the idea of long hair but I don't like all the WORK.

So that's a bit of an update.  Yay for personal growth (as my seester said).