Sometimes I've had to tell myself a story to move past a hurt (such as: he wasn't as divorced as he said he was, and it was easier to ghost me than to come clean). Sometimes I tell myself stories to explain other people's actions (they were annoyed that day, in pain, lost interest, etc, and didn't mean to hurt me). And other times I imagine my actions being narrated by someone (as in: little did she know that other forces were at work. Also, not Morgan freeman, tho he has a lovely voice... probably Cate Blanchett due to my love of LOTR). All that being said, I have found myself in a love story and one thing I never read about, in any romance novel, is how hard it is to adjust from "me" to "we." It's more than just turning over the "m" to a "w." Apparently it's not an uncommon phenomenon, which does help, and it doesn't necessarily have an ending either. I've known for a while now that I'd like to get married, and I have been dating with marriage in mind. And through the magic of the internet I've met someone who is amazing and who understands me and who wants to be with me. We have moved past the 3 months of good behavior and have started getting more comfortable with inevitable small conflicts that always will arise in relationships. This includes things like critiquing driving habits and squabbling over what pizza toppings to order. All very normal things, yet they are things I haven't had to think of on a regular basis before (never made it this far into a relationship with someone who actually wanted to spend every weekend with me). I've said to friends "I'm off the map here" a few times because while I have an idea of how to proceed, I don't know what the journey will be. Will there be a fatal flaw? The thing about me that caused others to run away and yet remains a mystery because they never told me the why. Is that going to cause my fella to also run for the hills? Is there some old hurt lurking that will cause myself to sabotage my relationship for the comfort of the known element of being single? HOW DOES THE STORY GO??? I'm working off a lot of stories and my own experience which is causing some stress. My own experience has been less than lovely and stories range from "happy in love until one of them died" to "broke each other's hearts and lived without human love and then was eaten by their cats."
To combat my desire to know how my love story goes, I'm trying to live in the moment. Enjoy where we are and how things are going. He is coming over later for lunch/dinner and I'm going to cook. We will enjoy our food and each other's company. We will plan for our labor day trip. We will cuddle on the couch and watch a movie. Those kinds of things are what really matter. When conflicts arise or feelings are hurt we will vocalize them and work thru it. The story is being written. I don't need to worry about the end as long as we are taking care of the now. I may need to write that quote up and post it places to remind me.
On to the fun stuff. We went to West, TX on Friday to get goodies for my sister as we were planning to see her on Saturday at 6 bloody AM. We went and wandered thru the shops in downtown West, had lunch at Geriks (also the Pizza House), stopped by the Czech Stop for cookies and sausage rolls, and ended at Slovechs for a little shopping and to see if all the parking lots were connected so we could get back to the highway without having to flip around (in other words: for SCIENCE!). It was quite a nice day, even with my poor fella being totally sleep deprived due to a long night at work.
Saturday we did see Mo and I was able to drop off her goodies, take her to get a bfast coffee then to Krogers for foods, and then drop her off at the truck. She got to meet the fella, which seemed to go well, tho she is still holding out hope of us being crazy cat ladies in 40 yrs or so.
Then the fella and I met his mom and nephew for breakfast, then watch some of LOTR before he had a thing to get to and I went home. I chatted with my bestie about life for a good hour and a half and then spent the rest of the evening being a bum. It was quite nice.
Work-wise I'm waiting to see what is going to happen with my boss's position. They posted it and I applied. We shall see what happens next (another stressor). I know I'm having an employment crisis when I have dreams of the stupidity of retail. This AM was a dream of a customer who wanted to get her money back from something so she could buy another thing. She had a receipt, but didn't bring the item. Wanted her $ back AND to keep the item. Retail leaves its mark and NEVER fades.
Looking forward to our trip next weekend and then I have NO trips planned until Italy next year. I gotta save the $ and I need some REST! I feel like it's been 1000 mph lately. Much love to all, stay tuned as my love story continues to be written with my wonderful, generous man!
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