I've come so far

I got to talk go J the other day!! It was so nice. The convo came around to my dating life, which is always fun. I made a joke about how I tend to make bad decisions when it comes to men, and then ruminated on why I trust God when it comes to work but not when it comes to dating. She simply said "fear." I can trust God with work, because I won't be out a lot of anything but time if it doesn't work out. But when it comes to romance I'm risking my heart, brain, and sanity!! So its harder to trust God (or anyone really) with my heart. I HATE when she's right... damn it.

I got et by Bruce. 

She was right, of course. Then she pointed out that I've come so far in my dating life and that I really need to remember the progress I've made. A certain memory popped up on fb recentky that illustrated to me just HOW far I've come. I'm no longer the same person who made REALLY bad decisions circa 2009, and thank GOD for that. I'm in SUCH a better place now than I was then. I've healed a TON of issues I had with myself, and I've gotten to where I really like myself. And I love my new perspective... if it was my friend telling me about this guy, what would I tell her? Would I tell her "yeah, he probably is joking when he's being mean," or "oh, maybe he'll change." NO, I'd tell her she deserves better. Well I've been doing that with myself. I also deserve better!! What I'm struggling with is more: he says he wants casual, am I ok with that? Casual before serious does make sense as long as I know he's willing to become serious at some stage of the dating process. Or do I hold out for the "YES, I want to get married someday." Guy? I've had some fairly awkward convos already, but I'm too old to be messing around with dropping hints. "What do you want, where do you see this headed?" can be hard to ask, but it has to be. 

Dating really is a series of interviews until someone is offered the role of 'fella.' I know the love of my life isn't going to show up on my doorstep like "here I am, you can stop looking now" but geeze makreez it would be nice. I'm still enjoying going out and meeting people, so that alright. Once it stops being fun I'll either have a fella or I'll take a break.