Doing things "right"

Disclaimer: this post is very Catholic, with mentions of worship and living a vocation. Consider yourselves warned, this is the "Catholic" part of this metalhead. For those who don't know, the Catholic Church teaches that everyone has a "vocation." A calling for them to find, that will help them to live a life that brings them to Heaven. These vocations are: marriage, religious life (nuns/monks), priesthood, and single life (which can be consecrated, aka blessed). This is part of the reason the Catholic Church takes marriage so seriously and make us do so much before we get married (ex: 9-6 months to get married, can be YEARS before final vows for religious life). 

On to the post:

Getting married comes with a lot of unknowns. Getting married in the Catholic Church comes with all the regular unknowns and additional "pre Cana" unknowns. And we can't start any of the process until all the paperwork is in order. So we are working on the paperwork, then we'll meet with the priest, and then at least the date of the wedding will be known and announced. This is causing considerable stress as we'd like to get married in April. Not knowing what the classes are, how many we need to take, what the other requirements are, we can't really plan properly!! It's not stopping us from focusing on what we can do. I'm going dress shopping with my bestie and older sis this weekend, and I have my shoes and non-veil. 😁 I just hate that I can't really send out invites to my out of town people yet. 

The thing about all this that has me in a pensive mood is: why is it so important to me to get married in the church?? I mean, we could get married by a JP and then have the marriage blessed later. Or we could just get married by a JP and not worry about getting anything blessed. But if I'm being really honest, I don't want that. I keep on focusing on doing this one thing "right." But why? Forgive the British, but I'm generally a rubbish Catholic. I know a lot of the things, and I know I don't do a lot of the things, and I know I've screwed up a LOT of things, so what's the deal? I think I know... this is my line in the sand. I live a very secular life, for the most part. Dating has always been tricky for me, as I try to toe the line between secular and sacred. Guess which side generally wins. But the one line I haven't crossed was co-habitation. I've never lived with a romantic partner. It's my one thing. I'm a horrible Catholic who screws up constantly, but I haven't lived with a romantic partner. I don't want to start now. Even when it makes economic sense, I want to be married first. I want an official "no returns or refunds" in place before we move in together. I'm not sure if it's because I think I'll be less likely to bail when it gets rough or if I think he'll be less likely to bail... or... it's just my one line in the sand. When I go to confession and the priest asks if I live with anyone, I can at least say "no" to that one. I might feel like a crap Catholic, but I've got this ONE thing... my one bit of rebellion against a secular world. It's a weird line, but it's my line. 

I'm feeling super stressed with all my unknowns right now. Getting married is one, also professionally I'm in limbo, weather could screw some things up this weekend... just seems like a lot of things in my house of cards could come falling down and I'm feeling the winds changing. In the midst of all this, I ran across this on FB...

... and I cried. This is my prayer... I don't know, but He does. I don't really think God gives me scores on being a "good" or "bad" Catholic. Those are human concepts that many of us have been brought up with. I think God cares more about the love and trust we show Him. That may be part of why I want to get married in the church... because I want Him to be a part of my married life. If marriage is my vocation, then i want to live my vocation from day 1 with a sacramental marriage. I know my man isn't in the same place as me, he's making a LOT of concessions for me in order for us to comply with a church that is often thought to be outdated and old fashioned, but I want us to be married in front of God, with our family and friends, in the church, surrounded by the angels and saints (including friends/family who have passed away). The beauty of Catholicism is mostly invisible to the human eye, but I know who all is present at any Mass, and it's way more than who you can see in the church. In my soul, I know that my vows need to be taken in a church. 

So yeah, the struggle between the secular and the sacred continues as it always has. Life is a highway, and I think this part of it needs to be repaved. I'm hitting pot holes, washboards, pretty sure there was a gater puddle somewhere back there, and the road looks washed out ahead... well, from what I can see thru the fog, anyway. (Great metaphor, right?) We keep moving forward, even if it's at a crawl... and both of us think that once the ball gets rolling, we'll have to run to keep up. 

I want to end this with an amusing story, so let me tell you about mushrooms. Mushrooms are a very polarizing food. I tried this on Monday 

I showed it to my friend S and as we discussed it she stated that it sounded disgusting. After I tried it, I told her it tasted fantastic and there was no taste of Mushroom. Her next question was "well did it give you diarrhea??" I laughed and told her I'd only finished it 2 mins ago, but I'd let her know. Sure enough, when I saw her on Wed, she asked again. For anyone wondering, no gastrointestinal distress followed drinking this. It says it helps with mood, so we may be getting a case of it for my fella and myself. Prayers of all kinds are appreciated, assuming my other Christian, pagan, and "other" friends made it this far. I love you all, and I hope you are staying warm as the US gets put in the deep freeze this weekend. We'll go back to our usual Sunday posting schedule next week or so, this one is gonna be busy so Sundays post might be really Monday-ish. MUAH! 😘