I have been feeling justified in one of my theories of marriage. I told my hubbs when we were going thru the stuff to get married that I was wondering if a marriage is 2 wounded people who somehow manage to heal each other. Well, the book I'm reading pretty much says "yes, that's the point/purpose of a good marriage." Basically we are attracted to and choose to marry people who (unconsciously) remind us of our caregivers when we were small. Because of this, they trigger unhealed parts of ourselves. Wounds we got when we were tiny are poked and prodded, and conflicts arise between the couple. According to the author, we need to be aware of those wounds, how we react to them with our spouse, and how the spouse can help us to overcome and heal those wounds through managing the conflict that arises. It takes both spouses working together and having uncomfortable conversations about how they show each other love, how they feel loved in the relationship, and how they can love each other better to heal these wounds and live their married life. It makes sense, tho it made me have to face some buried issues and want to scream/cry. Life seems to be a constant attempt to heal wounds we received when we were young. Yet another reason not to have kids... these days kids are suing their parents for having them! Seems extreme, and I think not much came of it, but DAMN. Parents have children, try to give them a good life, and then are sued?!? Sigh... sick, sad world. I digress.
There have been instances of feelings of insecurity in my marriage that mirror some of my insecurities as a child, so there must be something behind this theory. The thing is, healing each other doesnt happen spontaneously and it doesnt happen by magic. It takes work, uncomfortable conversations, a deep self-awareness on the part of both parties, and a comittment to continuing to choose each other, even as more wounds are uncovered and secrets revealed. Ive always loved "nothing else matters" by metallica, but until now i didnt really understand the lyric "never opened myself this way." There's no hiding anymore. Hubbs sees every side of me. And im trusting that he still will choose me, even as the less attractive parts are revealed. Its thrilling and terrifying all at the same time. As ever, I have work to do. Keep my hubby in your prayers 😉
Anyway, thurs was a margarita day, so I met A in weatherford at chuys. We stopped going to Rio mambo because they no longer do all day happy hour on Thursdays, so it no longer makes financial sense. Chuys is better, imo. Better margs, better food, better salsa. It's nice that we can meet in the middle.
Friday hubbs and I met up with SIL to see the exhibit of MC Escher at the Arlington Museum of Art and... holy crapballs, people! I never knew that a lot of his stuff was made using woodcuts and copper and such! I thought it was all drawings! Nope, some drawings, yes, but many just WOOD CUTS!!! Incredible.
After we went for dinner at rodeo goat. Such great burgers! Saturday hubbs and I were fairly lazy and then went on a date night to the burleson farmers market Christmas in July. I got some earrings that match the ones he made me, and tried my luck with a blind bag from one of my favorite vendors.
Sunday is as usual. Groceries, meal prep, cleaning, laundry, and getting ready for the work week. Both of us are SO ready for vacation just a week and a half to go. Seems SO far away 😳 I've put a book in time out because I'm not a fan of what it's dredging up about me. The subconscious is a JERK, thats all I'm saying.
Hugs and love to my readers. I miss you. I've got the blahs again today. Partly cuz hubbs is going to work and partly cuz... I dunno. Just got the blahs. Maybe cuz vaycay isn't here yet? Maybe cuz I'm being impatient with things that MUST take some time? Maybe I'm just in need of something different than work, workout, sleep, repeat. Especially since the workouts don't seem to be doing JACK SQUAT! Not that I'm bitter... so, so bitter. 🤬 WHY do I only lose weight if I don't eat at all for 2 days a week?? Its not like that's sustainable! Thing is, I saw a pic of me when I was close to my goal and you know what? There's NOT A DISCERNABLE DIFFERENCE!!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬 OK, rant over. I'm doing this so that I can live independently well into my 100s... or so that I can age as well as my grandparents have. For REALS. Hugs and love again, thank you for letting me vent.
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