Some background - I suck at introductions and talking about myself

If you have decided to read this blog, and you don't know me, you may be wondering how someone who is Catholic can possibly listen to metal.  Isn't that the Devil's music?  Isn't Satan worship compulsory in order to be part of that scene?  Well, no and no and frankly, if you still think that, I'd suggest you get out a bit more.

I like the idea of labels because I like breaking people's perceptions once they've labeled me.  My favorite is when people find out that I'm Catholic their reaction is usually, "But you're so normal."  Which makes me wonder why it is that Catholics are viewed as being abnormal.  Really, I mean, I've dealt with the crazy overbearing Catholics who told me that I was going to Hell - but I've also dealt with that from nearly every branch of Christianity (sometimes just because I'm Catholic).  The really radical thing is (and boy, do they hate when you point this out) Jesus actually said "judge not lest ye be judged" and wasn't there something about "let he who is without sin cast the first stone?"  I know that those kinds of judgments on the part of well-meaning Christians can actually turn people away from Jesus.

Now just to be clear - this is not an evangelical blog.  I am not setting out to convert anybody.  What I am using this blog for is to a) get some of the thoughts running around in my head out of it so as to get some peace b) give people who know me a little insight into the inner workings of my brain (you are warned) and c) share my love of metal with the masses.

Now, I am not a theologian - I majored in psychology at a majorly Catholic university where I saw some of the best examples of hypocracy.  An example: the person telling me that I'm going to Hell is the guy doing a keg stand at the party the next night.  It made me pretty angry so I did turn away from my faith for a while, I tried living on my own, without God. I researched other religions (reincarnation?  No thank you!) and focused on material things.  During that time, I became a person I didn't like and I struggled with depression because I never saw any of the good in people.  I worked in a call center doing customer service and I often saw the darker side of people - rarely did I get to see the good part.  It became a downward spiral - the more depressed I got, the less I wanted to help the people on the phone, the more I wanted to drink, the less I wanted to work the more I hated my life.

I came back to the church because it's the one place where I am totally stripped of all the bullshit that surrounds me.  What I mean by this - I can't hide from my issues, my pain, my failings and my shortcomings when I am before my Lord.  The beautiful part is that he sees me for who I really am and loves me - all of me - and asks only that I love him back.  Let me tell you, that concept is hard to wrap your mind around.  It still boggles my mind.  I'm used to a different kind of love - the kind where, if you do this for me, then I'll love you.  Or of course, lust masquerading as love.  But the love of God (agape in Greek) is unconditional, he loves you even if you don't love him.  That concept is so unfamiliar in this material world that I think it's another reason why people don't want to hear what Christians have to say.

After I started going back to Mass, I started to see the beauty in the world again.  Where does the metal come in?  Well, thanks to Metallica's "Fade to Black" I didn't kill myself, thanks to the therapeutic headbanging at concerts I didn't hurt anyone else, and I am working on a proof that Jesus was metal.  More on that when I have the actual verses to back it up.  Between Catholicism and Metal music, I have shaped my philosophy of life.  I'll share that with you too, but another time because it's late and I'm probably rambling more than I mean to.