One of the things that I love about fasting is how there are no set 'rules.' In the FB group that I'm on, people often ask for advice, but it all boils down to 'do what works for you, you're going to have to figure it out.' That leaves SO much open to experimentation. For example, some people can't drink black coffee without it breaking their fast. Others can drink green tea but not black and vice versa. When loss stalls, you can switch from one meal a day (OMAD) to alternate day fasting (ADF). If you've been doing ADF for a while and things have stalled, you can try a different variation for a while to see if it helps. As for me - I'm not drinking booze for at least a month to see if that helps (which it should), and I'm also going to have a <500 calorie 'meal' on Thursdays (instead of not eating anything at all) to see if it helps with my mood when teaching. I don't want to go off on these kids, but Tue and Thurs are my most challenging days. Monday is easy for fasting - I'm just coming back from the weekend, it's a good reset to the week. Thursday I'm already ready for the weekend, I'm generally annoyed, and then I have classes that just REFUSE to participate. So I've decided to eat a little something on Thurs to see if that helps my mood. Technically with ADF you can have 500 calories on your fasting days anyway, so I'm not breaking any guidelines. So we'll see what happens with that. Today (Thurs as I'm writing this) I just got a little hangry after the kids left... so the good news is that I was ok in class, just annoyed after. LOL.
The best thing about deciding to do this while I'm living in Korea is that it's super easy to buy something that tastes really good and always comes in at under 500 calories. I'm talking about the wonderfulness that is gimbap. It's basically Korean sushi, but the meat is cooked. So imagine a two-inch roll of rice, veggies, and then usually ham, spam, tuna and mayo, beef, chicken, or crab, also sometimes kimchi or other spicy stuff, rolled up and sliced. They are available at every single convenience store in Korea and there are also dedicated gimbap shops. So on Thurs all I have to do is check at a CU, 7-11 or a GS25 for their gimbap selection (they usually have what is in them in TIIINY English letters). Talk about an easy way of getting something yummy for a snack on my Thursdays. I'm wondering if I eat my snack closer to 4 than 3, maybe it will help ride me thru the whole work day without getting hangry. We shall see.
Now for something totally different - why is it so hard to be kind to myself? If I had a friend who had gone thru all this and was telling me that they were fixating on things that just didn't seem to be changing, I'd be gently kicking them and reminding them that this is a process... and just like emotional or spiritual healing it's not linear. Looking back at my tracker, I can see where I had months where my weight would go up and down and the same 5 lbs wouldn't move until BOOM! They did. I wonder if it's just easier for me to fixate on my weight because I feel that's something that I can actually control and everything else seems to be out of any illusion of control. I mean, I don't know from one day to the next if we're going to be shut down, have online classes, and/or will have to work from home. I don't know if I should risk going to Seoul for a day on the weekends or if I should play it safe and stay home. As much as I'm looking forward to coming home, I'm totally freaked out about getting a job, car, apt, etc. I don't want to spend much money because I'm trying to save enough to have a decent amount to come home with (yes I have a goal, no I'm not saying). I foolishly calculated how how much Chase is stealing from me every month in terms of transfer and maintenance fees, and I'm super annoyed at that - yet another thing out of my control. I'm not overly worried about the situation with N Korea, but if I have to come home early how is that going to affect my severance that I'm kinda banking on helping to sustain me while I'm job searching? Holy crap, no wonder I've been so stressed.
I just realized in looking at my gallery that you can totally see the progression of my week:
Friday - new shirt, old pants (from Torrid, love them - so comfy) and smile that says 'I'm freaking OVER it.' It took a long time to get this pic because I couldn't smile while showing my teeth and look even the slightest bit sincere. So I went for a slightly sarcastic smirk.
By the time Friday rolled around, I was out of patience for EVERYONE. A co-teacher came over when I was sitting on the bench and told me that I looked tired. To be fair, I didn't sleep all that great on Thurs night, which probably didn't help much. My first 2 classes really took it out of me and by the time I got my favorite class (3rd of the day) I just didn't want to hear any more 'teaCHER.' You see, Friday is our Creative Thinking Project day. We usually put the kids into groups, give them a project, and let them run with it. Unfortunately this means that any time a group has a question, I hear 'teaCHER' multiple times from multiple little voices. This is usually when I'm helping another group already, and sends my anxiety thru the ROOF. The fact that there is only one of me and 11-13 of them doesn't seem to be a concept that the kids can wrap their little minds around. I had to stop, quiet them down, and then calmly explain that they need to raise their little hands and WAIT until I could get to them. Yelling 'teaCHER' at me isn't going to help anyone. However, letting go of the anxiety once it has been induced is easier said than done.
The good news is that all my bills are paid except for the public trans that comes out of my account on the 25th. I think I've decided to stick around Dongtan this weekend - I have food in the fridge, I can go get a salad from Paris Baguette if I really want one, and maybe a couple days with minimal human interaction is what the doc ordered before I go back to the grind next week. The good news is that I made sure that everything is ready for Monday morning, so there will be minimal preparation when I get to work that day. I may go grocery shopping, but honestly I'm at the point where I'd like to be waited on again. LOL. I may go get some apples, though. I do like having some fruit every day.
Anyways, that's it for me. Not much new to report, but thank you for sticking with the post all the way to the end. I hope you enjoy my new clothes as much as I do. Much love to those back home, and I can't wait to see you (I'm pretty much super-duper-overboard homesick as well right now). MUAH! :* Until we meet again, lots of love from Korea.
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