The Queen of Timing

You know... I am generally late to certain realizations.  It takes J pointing out all the stressors in my life for me to realize that I'm stressed out.  Or it takes my older sister to point out that while I have been free of romantic entanglements for most of my life, I am in fact great at maintaining other kinds of relationships, which means that I'm not 'bad' at relationships.  Well, here's the thing - I've come around to the idea that perhaps finding a partner and mate who would become a husband is actually something that I do in fact want.  I know, I was surprised, too.

The crappy thing about admitting this to myself is - I'm stuck in a sort of 'but not yet' wormhole.  I mean, I could actively date in Korea and try to find someone who is genuine and not only looking for a hookup... but history has shown that dating apps and I are a toxic combination.  My other option - go out and meet people - is kinda tough during a worldwide pandemic where all you can wonder is what other air the person has been breathing.  Kinda like worrying about VD, only way worse cuz just being within proximity could mean catching something.  Perhaps VD is a bad example... maybe it's more like worrying about catching cooties.  Anyway, it makes going out and meeting people even more stressful than it was before and I'm already at a disadvantage because I'm an introvert to start with.  So here I am in a kind of relationship limbo where I know what I want and I know what I have to do to get it, it's just the timing has to work out.  Grrrr... Robin (HIMYM) had it right - "All you need for a relationship to work is chemistry and timing.  And timing is a bitch."  Sigh.

So now I get to admit that I'm lonely, and live with it.  J was asking me what kind of man I'd like.  I have been asked before what my 'type' is.  Honestly?  I just want someone who is willing to make an effort and who truly wants to be with only me.  That's it.  My fall back is 'I'm looking for the man who proves me wrong.'  You see, my history is pretty much peppered with cheaters, lazy freeloaders, and 'nice' guys who are really not so nice.  This has left me more than a little jaded.  So what I want is a man who doesn't cheat, isn't lazy, and who genuinely treats me well.  That's all, but it's a pretty big ALL.  In the meantime, I'm still working on being ok with me - I go back and forth between 'I'm awesome' and 'I'm pond scum.'  Makes for some interesting convos in my head, lemme tell ya.

Anyway, these are pretty much 1:30 am ramblings because I've been trying to sleep since midnight and gave up and figured I'd write.  Maybe getting stuff out and onto the computer will help me to sleep. 

The deepest friendships that I have are the ones that I'd base a romantic relationship on - mutual respect, compromise, and communication.  I remember being way nervous when I explained to J about my need for 'me' time.  She asked questions, I explained, and she eventually understood that my BH weekends didn't mean that I was mad at her or anything, they just meant I needed to recharge.  It's taken Jess and I a long time to figure out our best means of communicating, and thanks to certain apps we've figured it out.  I'm not usually one to call people a whole lot, but Ana is, so we have a standing phone date once a week.  It's these kinds of relationships that my older sis was talking about when she pointed out that actually I'm good at relationships in general.  I'm just not willing to hold on to a romantic partner when I don't see a future with them.  She had to point out, rather vehemently, that there is NOTHING wrong with that.  For those of you who are wondering - no, I'm not waiting for a (insert famous Chris here) look-alike millionaire to come sweep me off my feet.  I really want someone that I can laugh and grow and share my independent life with.  J mentioned that - she said that I wanted someone who was also independent so we could be independent together.  I laughed, but she's not wrong.  I think it's way better to have someone want me in their life, but not necessarily need me in their life.  Kind of a 'I can cook, but I appreciate when you cook for me' or a 'I can check the fluids in my car, but I appreciate that you check them for me' kind of vibe.  I'm all about the quid pro quo.

So basically if you stick with me after Korea, dear reader, you will be subject to reading about my misadventures and frustrations with the modern dating age.  You are hereby warned. :D

On a much brighter note, I got a package from my AL today.  I will tell you, I opened it, did a happy dance all around my classroom, put on some Chris Ledoux, and shared out some of the Resees cups.  The rest are going home with me and will be rationed out as I see fit.  Hehe.  So while I may the (sarcastic) queen of timing, AL is the (actual) Queen of Timing because this package lifted me up just when I needed it.  So again - THANK YOU, AL!!!  I love me some chocolate (she even sent the Lindt kind with the chili peppers)...

... and CHOCOLATE COVERED OREOS!!!  Woooo hoooo!!!

Friday was a fun one.  In the 'kids are way too honest' realm of things, S is talking about going back to the gym because some of the kids like to poke his belly.  I tried to sneak a pic of it...

2 of those girls are my old students.  It is really, really funny to watch.

As for me, one of my favorite little ones said to me 'teacher, you have (points to her butt) is (makes round motion with her hands) big.'  This was said while my arm was trapped by a little boy who was finishing his work and I was standing by him to sign off on it.  (He linked his arm thru mine so I couldn't move.)  The same day, another one of my favorite students (same class) wouldn't let go of my hand and for some reason was rubbing my arms and elbows with her hands.  Koreans are a touchy people... and the kids are just so darn adorable.  Did make me happy that I've been making sure my elbows don't feel like sandpaper, but I'm not sure what the fascination is.  For those who are worried about the butt comment - don't be.  I'm wondering if I should just tell them that teacher has a badonkadonk and leave it at that.  Hehehe... and I did have a student who liked to poke it, so, yeah... my ass is fascinating to people of all ages, genders, and nationalities. :'D  The good news is that I like my butt, so it's just funny to find out that others do, too.

The blahs have mostly passed and I just had a lovely, melty, humid Saturday.  I walked to the hospital this AM for my blood test for the thyroid appt I have on Thurs.

They are serious with these band-aids.  Press the circle for 5 mins, keep the band-aid on for 10, and usually when you take it off it takes a LOT of skin with it.  The good thing about today was, after my walk home the sweat made removing it a BREEZE.  I also got a good tech who didn't have to dig for the vein.  Small bruise, but that's normal.

Then I came home and had breakfast, then I headed into Itaewon in Seoul.  I went to the Foreign Book Store and bought 2 books.  Let's see if you can guess which one is for me and which one is for J.

 Hard game, isn't it?  After the book store, I decided to go to From Brooklyn since last time I was there the lady told me to try her chicken cutlet sandwich. 

 It was SO GOOD!  Fried chicken, cheese, lettuce, tomato, and mayo on toasted whole wheat bread.  On the side was jalapenos and pickles.  I keep on forgetting that those kinds of things are self-serve in Korea.  Anyway, it was nice, the lady always remembers me and even asked after J because she came there with me once.  I told her that J was good, and getting ready for her date with her boyfriend.  She then asked me where my boyfriend was and I said 'I don't know, living in the future or something.' and from now on, that is my response to that question.  She smiled and laughed.  She's super sweet and I think I'll be trying their meatball sandwich next time I go (which will be post-haircut most likely). 

On my way to Lush (the reason for the trip) I saw this - I may need to stop into this coffee place when it opens.  Stop drinking bad coffee, indeed!

So then I went to Lush where I was assisted by a lovely tall, tattooed Korean man.  He took my 5 (empty) tubs and gave me my free face mask (supposed to be good for zits, and it's blue, so you know - I've got to take a pic when I use it... BLUE MEANIE!!), and helped me find a lotion that should help the razor burns that I've been getting when I shave my legs.  They didn't have the perfume I like, but that's not surprising.  After that I went to the international markets, where I did not find bfast sausage, but I did find oregano, so when the weather cools down I can make some good chili.  Then I went home.  It was 82 today, mostly sunny, and the mask was like a face swamp.  So when I got home it was off with the mask, off with the jeans, on with the yoga pants, and under the AC until I cooled down a bit.  The shops (except for Lush) and the bus weren't really running their AC's so much, so it was a little bit... brutal. 

So the post ends on an up note.  The not drinking seems to be working, as I am officially 21 lbs to goal now instead of just living with the same 5 going up and down and up and down.  One of my co-teachers asked me if I've lost weight, and told her yes, but I have about 20 more lbs to go.  I'm going a BIG happy dance when I hit the 100 lbs gone mark.  :)  So I'm almost ready for a new week - tomorrow will likely be lazy since I feel like I was productive today and I may just take a (real) book to a coffee shop or the park or something and spend the day reading.  Happy weekend, everybody.