How do I Wife???

There's been a lot of changes and adjustments to my life. Not surprisingly, I've been at a bit of a loose end trying to keep up with all of them. Moving into the new place, then J moving in too, all the craziness surrounding the wedding, starting the new med for the migraines, getting the new diagnosis, learning to live with a hubby, trying to keep on top of everything, and at the same time trying to process how I'm FEELING about all of this. I've said for months that time isn't real because I can't keep track of it. I saw my Chicago friend before the wedding, but I can't say how long before. I know we had a good time, I saw people, and I enjoyed seeing people, I didn't get to spend as much time with peope as I'd have liked, but we had a lovely time. Now we are learning to live together, I need to go thru all the name changing stuffs, and looming over me is this nearly paralyzing fear of a surgery that could go wrong and leave me a vegetable. 

For all the medical stuff... I don't know how to tell someone how I'm feeling without being afraid that I'm somehow burdening them with my emotions. I'm scared. Terrified. I don't know what the future holds, but now every tingle in my feet, every back of the skull headache, every slightly "weird" brain experience has a nearly sinister component to it. How long have I really had this going on? Is it getting worse or am I just paying more attention? Do I want to stay on the migraine med or try to get off of it? WHY do I have to wait until AUGUST!?!? This is hell... and exhausting. But fear isn't an emotion that is socially acceptable to show... so usually it shows as anger or annoyance. Which is also not a great look. I'm not good at emotions... especially being bloody terrified. I got married with the fear of eventually losing him and accepting that is an eventuality. .. now I'm wondering if I'm going to be the one who is somehow lost. I didn't even consider that as an option. If I die first then I (selfishly) don't have much to worry about but if I am somehow otherwise indisposed... well I didn't really consider that eventuality.

The boss of the apt. On his sushi blanket. 😁 the king of cuteness

on his lookout

the boy can pose

We actually bonded! The kitty came for cuddles on Sunday. 😁

I am enjoying some of the things I adopted into out relationship. I took at least one of the things my besties hubby does... I'm a human blanket! Hehe!! It's so fun. I'm usually awake before the hubbster, so when his alarm goes off I like to help make sure he doesn't go back to sleep too soon. We get some cuddles, giggles, and even Ace gets in for some loving, too. It's a nice way to start the day. I know it's cliché, but this is the best. I love this man, his cat, our home, and the start of our lives together. Medical issues notwithstanding, it's pretty great being with someone I can be silly with. It's a quality of mine that only comes out when I feel totally safe with someone. It's amazing. 

Anyway, I guess I'm going to be a kind of goofy wife... who hates cleaning the floors. 

I'm also gonna be the kitty paparazzi.

The hubby and I finally got a good stay at home date day. We got pizza and watched Godzilla Minus One on Netflix. The kitty snuggled with us and everything. It was a lovely, lazy Sunday after a week of him working and me working and not seeing much of each other at all. This working different shifts thing is the PITS.

Hope all is well for all of you. Much love. MUAH! 😘