Musings of a Catholic metal head: Friends in New(old) Places

I know - another post, so soon! But the last one was a 'sorry, this is what has been going on' thing. This one is more 'contemplating the nature of friendships and how life changes us.'

It's a weird thing, to move back to what is essentially your hometown. I carry with me all the places I've been, all the people I've met, and I'm not the same me who left. Just the same, the people here have had their own experiences, triumphs and tragedies, and they are also no longer the same. Therefore, it can be difficult to pick up friendships where they left off. I think that sometimes the changes have been too drastic and while we are friendly toward each other, there is no longer room in each other's lives for the other. And that is OK! We are not meant to be the same people we were before, and just because there's no longer room for one another doesn't mean there is animosity or apathy toward each other. It just means that our lives have diverged to the point where we no longer have anything in common.

I've learned a lot about myself since moving home. First off, I don't like going to another person's house. To me, it seems invasive. (Obvious exceptions to this rule exist. I'm 100% comfortable walking into about 4 homes of people I'm not related to, it just so happens that 3 of them are in TX.) My home is my sanctuary, if I invite you to it that means we have become so close that I want you in my personal space. I assume others feel the same way, so I am very much like a vampire. I will not come over unless invited and even then I'd rather we meet up somewhere and then go our separate ways. Secondly, I am very aware of who I consider to be 'my' friends and who are 'common friends because of relatives.' Some of the common friends I do consider 'my' friends, and you probably know who you are, but I am not likely to reach out to common friends. Why? Well, I figure that in the before times when we all would hang out, I was tolerated because of my relationship to their friend. I don't want to be intrusive and assume that because they were friends with my relative, by extension they were friends with me. Again, people change, dynamics shift, and what was once acceptable in your 20's becomes bloody rude in your 30s.

All of this being said, I truly appreciate and treasure those people who were in my life before and who are in my life now. This past weekend with R, C, and A was exactly what I needed. R and I were able to chat for a few hours over drinks at Wyoming Ale Works. Both of us having Facebook has allowed us to keep track of each other, but to actually be able to chat and gossip like old times was truly a blessing. The funny thing was that just like talking to my friend S, R remembers WAY more people than I do. She actually did go to a different school tho, so that's ok. LOL. Crazy to think that I held both of her kids when they were babies... and after the 2nd one she told me it was my turn. Over a decade later and that's still a NOPE!

My time with C and A felt like a breath of fresh air when I had been choking on a fog. Both of them have moved away and moved back so they understand some of the challenges I face. (So has S, and I love our early dinner dates... we just don't have them often enough, really... must fix that.) I told them the story of the rumor and the hoopla and both nodded sagely and said they have also been burned by the town. I suspect that no one who has lived here any amount of time hasn't heard something awful about themselves. Take boredom, long winters, and general pettiness, mix it around a bit and you get small town USA. Mom says her town was no better - the owner of the local store saw a 20% drop in business every time he bought a new car. "People figured he was doing fine, he didn't need their money. After a couple months, they came back." It's no wonder there's so many movies about small towns - the drama is never ending.

I have joked that coming back felt like the beginning of a Lifetime movie. World traveling outcast comes back to hometown. Now, much like Audrey Hepburn in Sabrina, she is considered attractive by some of the men. Being single and looking, she tries to date some of the single ones with no luck. She decides to chase a man who is married with kids. She stalks his wife, learning her quirks and interests and slowly becomes her in order to seduce him. She succeeds (probably due to something she puts in his beer) but the wife somehow takes her out and buries her scheming body in a deep hole. The town assumes the temptress has moved on until years later her rotted remains are dug up in some farmer's field. (Something has to be dug up with her... the wig she used that looked like wife's hair or similar.) Man, wife, and children live happily ever after. Now, if this were a Hallmark movie it would be quite different. Then the story would be single woman comes back to town to help out her mom who's husband has been sick. She gets a job at a local liquor store and becomes friends with a lonely widower or a workaholic rancher or something. Maybe she meets the local vet when she takes her mom's cats in for their shots and then once he finds out where she works he comes in more often. (Whomever it is, it turns out that they have been giving the booze away to someone - perhaps an alcoholic parent or something, they themselves can't have a drinking problem, after all, and it will set up some kind of conflict for later. Maybe they are saving it for a Christmas party... lots of small shopping trips instead of one big one.) They become friendly and he asks her out on a date. (Naturally this happens around Christmas.) They hit it off and everything is happy until something goes wrong... maybe she goes off the deep end a bit when her stepdad unexpectedly passes away. Maybe she gets too wrapped up in taking care of her mom and doesn't have time for the man anymore. Maybe the alcoholic relative causes some kind of issue for their relationship (big misunderstanding, of course, enter the rumor). Then he somehow brings her out of the deep end, or reminds her that she needs to care for herself as well, or sets the record straight. Somehow he rescues her from something and they realize how madly in love they are. They get engaged, credits roll, happily ever after is assumed.

I've always been adamant that we create our own stories. Mine will likely be nothing like Lifetime or Hallmark, but the much more realistic Simple Life. I'll apply for jobs, meet guys through dating sites, enjoy time with friends (old and new) and figure out eventually that one can have a career, a relationship, and a life. Adventures and shenanigans will be had, as well as tragedy and heartache. That's the way it is. I am optimistic about my story... no matter what, it will be MINE. It's been pretty great so far, no reason to believe it won't continue.

These are some of the thoughts that I wanted to share but couldn't in the last post. I am sometimes lonely and homesick for TX. Other times I'm overwhelmed by how much I love this state and some of the people in it. At the end of the day, I am still glad to be here. Town BS aside, I'm loving having this time with Mom, being able to take a step back and really think about what I want from life and how to get it, having some fun and taking advantage of the beautiful landscape we have around here. One of the pictures that I took this fall is even going to be in a 'Magnificent Wyoming' calendar!

Speaking of pictures, here's a recap of my October... not all of them, of course, but to give you an idea of what I've been up to. ;) They loaded backwards, so we'll start with Halloween.