It happened today. I ran into my older sister's best friend's mom. She asked if I was back and I said yes, for now. She asked if I was working and I said yes. She asked where and I told her. She said, "All your schooling and you are working THERE?!" And that, dear friends, is the hardest thing about moving back home. When I left as a teenager I was a smug, know-it-all who was certain that I'd only come back for visits, and even then I'd have some kind of glamorous job that would be the envy of everyone who was ever mean to me. That's the version of me that people around here remember. Therefore, it's hard not to interpret their reactions to my current situation as a certain hometown smugness. There seems to be an attitude of "Ms Fancy Pants Big Shot had to come home and have a slice of humble pie, now didn't she?" Whether or not that's their actual reaction, that's exactly how I read it.
Yes, all my schooling and I'm managing a store. All my travels and I'm back to square one. All my plans of setting the world on fire and BEING somebody gone. That's certainly one way of looking at it. Some days, that's exactly how I see it. Those are the bad days. Those are the days where my negative voice is the loudest. Those are the days that I mentally duct tape that voice because these things are true if you look at them from ONE perspective. I prefer my other perspective.
All my schooling and I'm back to retail. That's true. However, I'm using this time in retail to pay the bills, spend time with Mom, and really THINK about my next move. I haven't done much of that in my life, it's been more "this sounds fun, let's go!" I'm pausing for a min to think about my best working conditions, the things in a job that are important to me, what I really want out of my professional life. I have no intention of moving before the holidays, so after Jan 1 I'll be looking for the job that actually suits me. In the meantime, yes, I'm working in retail. For the most part it's a fun job with good people that I truly enjoy. I also know that I'm truly NOT cut out for retail... not when I was 16 and not when I'm 37. As an introvert, it is truly exhausting being around people all day. Some days I can manage better than others, but I'm not able to put on a happy face all the time.
All my travels and I'm back to square one. Yep, I've gone places and seen things and came back. I'm also blessed to have somewhere to come back to. I got rid of most of my stuff when I went to Korea and I needed to be able to recoup, decompress, and reevaluate. I'm lucky enough to have parents who don't mind me around while I do that. After hearing plenty of horror stories of how awful some people's parents are, I'm grateful to have 2 sets of parents who love me and want me around. Living with Mom has been a gift. The circumstances were not ideal and it's been tough (as dealing with sickness and death can be), but I've also really enjoyed spending quality time with her. She loves my cooking, we like the same kind of movies (for the most part), she gets my Garfield obsession, her cats are hilarious and sweet, she lives in an ideal location, rent is (ridiculously) reasonable... the positives go on and on. If my job search takes me away from Riverton, I will be a little sad (not only because of the aforementioned reasonable rent, tho that's right up there). Also, going away and coming back is different than never leaving at all. I've seen amazing sights, I have wonderful friends from all over the world, I've experienced so much of life outside of this small town/county. It may be square one, but I'm no longer my 'square one' self.
As for my plans? Still VERY much on the table. I have plans for 2022: learn French, get an office-type job (preferably with a gov entity), pursue dating with someone who also would like to get married, and make whatever moves are necessary to make these things happen. Not to steal from my favorite rom com, but I'm in a sort of transitional thing. It's been a pause that I probably needed, tbh. I've narrowed some of my ambitions which will help with narrowing my searches. So while from the outside it looks like I've had to accept defeat and move home, really it's more like intermission before round 3 (or round 4... I'm not sure which one I'm on, tbh).
So that's my thoughts on perspectives. On the one hand, I'm a sad person who had to move home when things went sideways. On the other hand I'm just an arrow that's being pulled back before shooting forward to the next exciting adventure.
Speaking of which, here are some of the pix from Disneyland.
It was a wonderful time. Mom has determined that we must go back in 2 years... tho she says I may be married with a kiddo on the way by then. I'm ok with the married, not so much the kiddo! LOL. Much love, all!!
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