Great Expectations... of nothing much

There's been a lot going on in a lot of people's worlds that I've been involved with.  Some of it is on the periphery - just lending an ear when needed - and some has been right in the trenches.  What has struck me most is how much easier life can be when we let go of what we expect from others.

Here's an example.  I help person A through a tough time.  Because things come full circle, I find myself in a tough time down the line.  I turn to person A and they have no time for me.  I have choices to make.  I can: 1) write person A out of my life and feel righteous anger that my goodwill was not returned 2) try to be understanding of person A's situation and cope on my own while being resentful of person A 3) turn to person B and complain about how person A has done me wrong, etc.  You get the gist.  The problem here is not person A.  The problem is my expectation that my initial goodwill shall be returned at an undisclosed point in time.  I don't know where I saw some quote from some amazing person but it basically said 'give without expecting anything in return and you will never be disappointed.'  Demon Hunter said 'I will fail you, of that I'm sure.'

I think we need to let go of our expectations.  That's where freedom lies.  I didn't expect much of Korea- I figured if it was miserable, I could last a year and come home.  I thought my apt would be slightly better than a box on the street, the job would either be ok or a nightmare, and my coworkers would be standard issue with exotic accents.  People, I have truly found, are people wherever you are.  When we build up these expectations in our heads of what we think we'll get or we think we deserve and then life fails to live up to those - that's when we feel real pain.  The question becomes - why do we expect these things to begin with?!  What have I done that I should live in a fancy apartment that I'm not paying for?  Why should I expect that a different country will have all of the comforts of my home country?  How much would I be willing to help someone who moved to my home country without knowing the language, and why do I expect that those here should do more than I would be willing to if the tables were reversed?  Just because I have a soft heart and want to help someone does not obligate them to help me when life switches the flip!

I have a theory (which, btw, is a phrase I'm saying WAY too often these days).  For the most part, we're all trying to get thru this life as best we can.  Some of us are simply more self-centered than others.  The ones who are more worried about the self are less likely to be there for others who helped them in times of need.  It sucks, but that's the way that they are.  They are also less likely to treat others the way that they expect (there's that word again) to be treated based on past histories.  And I get it, it SUCKS when someone doesn't live up to your expectations - but how many of us expect too much from others anyway?

What I've found is that I can count on me (sometimes, working on duct taping a few of the voices in my head) to continue helping (sometimes mothering) others.  That's who I am.  I also know that at a certain point, there is nothing more I can do.  I am flawed and I will fail those who I try to help.  Sometimes it's because I feel they are demanding too much of me, sometimes it's just because in helping them I lose too much of me.  So my friends, know that I will fail you.  However, also know that I will still love you.  Whether it's from afar, through facebook stalking, the occasional memory that makes me smile, or even just as a lesson learned - I will never stop praying for you and hoping that you found what you're looking for.

The other thing that I can always count on is my faith.  Yes, I know, you come here for fun Korea pix, but this is Musings of a CATHOLIC Metalhead.  I know that I fail God constantly.  I don't pray nearly as much or as often as I should, I sin every friggin' day, I constantly fall short of the ideals of my religion, and I am no saint.  I also know that it's OK.  No matter what happens, the mercy of my God is never ending.  I may turn away from Him, but He will never turn away from me.  What a comfort that is when it feels like the world has turned its back (or is asleep) and everything in this life is crap.  I'm coming to realize that faith truly is a GIFT.  I don't remember what I asked of the Holy Spirit when I was confirmed, but I'm pretty sure that the gift of faith was part of what I got.

So I guess what I'm saying is that we all need to practice letting go.  Letting go of our expectations of other's behavior and emotions.  Today my friend J said that she always thought that she was a control freak... then she met me.  I remember when I realized that I can't control what others think - and they are probably rarely thinking of me anyway!  It was an incredibly freeing experience and I wanted to share it with you.  People will think what they want to think... at the end of the day, how much do you want your perspective of what might go through their minds dictate your life?  On the flip side, you can expect others to go along with their actions per the script that is in your head, or you can realize that they never got the script to begin with.  Life is all improvisation... so no wonder it's so messy!!  ;)