Human Interactions

I recently described dating to J as 'like trying to navigate a mine field with no map.'  I was talking to S and said the same thing.  Both of them agreed with me.  The more I think of it, though, the more I think this is true for all human relationships/interactions.

We're all mines, if you will - none of us knows what will set the other off, or how bad the damage will be.  Generally speaking, we will all have misunderstandings and issues at one point or the other, and we can't be sure if the relationship will be able to recover.  Either way, it's irrevocably changed.  Some relationships get stronger, others just end, but both people are usually left with emotional scars.  So I think it's just interacting with other humans that is like trying to navigate a mine field... maybe for dating it's just that the mines are closer together and/or the explosions are more frequent and/or we're more invested so we feel things more than in casual friendships.  

Now, with this being said, we must address the scars caused by past explosions.  The problem, as I see it, is that we live in an age of distractions and healing is painful.  We don't want to feel the pain, we don't want to acknowledge the hurt, so we repress it all and distract ourselves with whatever we can and we carry these festering wounds with us.  Now we have hurting people trying to distract themselves with other hurting people and then one of the mines explodes causing further damage and now both carry new wounds which start to fester and the cycle repeats.  In order to move forward and to truly heal, we have to break the cycle.  Unfortunately to break the cycle and heal your own wounds is an extremely painful, unpleasant, lonely, crap box of a process to go through.  Add on to that the fact that healing is not a linear process and you will have setbacks, and this idea becomes a REALLY hard sell.  Not only that, but from my own experience I've found that one can only go so far alone and then one HAS To have these interactions again in order to break old habits.  Dating in my mid 30's is much different than in my mid 20's.  And MAN, I wouldn't want to EVER go back to that.  

Another difficulty is figuring out what each of us actually wants out of these relationships.  It seems like if we were honest with ourselves about this, it would be easier to be honest with others as well.  As a woman, I've been told for ages not to tell a man that I want a relationship and/or kids, and/or... and/or... and/or... you get the idea.  It seems there were a lot of rules about this stuff when I was growing up, but now the internet has acted as a great equalizer.  On a dating app it's easy to tell someone 'I just want a good time/good night." and then they have the information they need to make an informed decision about if they want what you're offering.  Same thing about looking for a relationship - assuming people are being honest.  I hear that paid sites do more of that for you in the first place, but I'm not quite willing to go there yet.  Anyway, my social experiment continues and is as fascinating as ever!  I do think that all human interactions could be described as navigating a mine field with no maps - people are volatile and it can be SO EASY to screw up and get people mad at you somehow. 

Anyway, that's what I've been thinking of lately.  I'm glad for all those who have withstood my explosions and remained my friends :)  I'm also going to try to break my habits of letting things build up to volcanic levels.  :*  MUAH!  Much love to all!!