Living uncertain

I think the strain of not knowing is starting to get to some of us.  It's for sure getting to me.  The not knowing when the Corona stuff with end - when the world will get back to what we consider 'normal.'  I've been talking to a friend on the base, he said they were on lock down this morning - someone was being tested for the virus.  At work, we're grading the online stuff, doing our live classes, trying to keep the kids engaged and interested through the wonders of technology.  I think the Korean staff are feeling the effects even worse than we are.  It's the not knowing that's draining us.  Will things go back to normal the first week of April?  Will we continue teaching online?  Will the world actually get a handle on this?  I feel bad for our new teachers because not only are they hearing 'when the kids come back' but also 'well, this is how we used to do it, but that's changed' and information is coming from 2-3 different sources, changing all the time.  No one really knows what is happening or what we are doing so everyone is trying to do what they can and sometimes it's at cross-purposes.  Information is given to some, but some don't get the same info... it's a mess. 

I know that we are all doing the best we can with the situation, but it's taking it's toll.  I refuse to freak out, but even I am getting to the point were I'd like to go dancing or SOMETHING.  I'd like to be able to hear someone cough and not thing 'corona.'  A song by All That Remains just came on - Madness.  Pretty much.  I'm looking forward to the cathedral opening for one Sunday so that I can go to confession and Mass.  I'm looking forward to Easter and maybe going to the cathedral for that.  I'd like to be able to forget to wear my mask and not feel like an ass for it.  I know that I'm not as limited as some for what I can and can't do, but I still feel like staying home is the best option. 

Today was rough - I was exhausted as soon as I got to work and I know that I wasn't the only one.  I'm  realizing that I didn't prep everything that I needed for the classes that I'm teaching online, so I'm scrambling to make sure that I have all the answers before the kids log in.  Making sure the tech is working (we had to plug my headphones in to my actual computer, not my speakers), getting follow ups from the Korean staff about quiet kids, how they are actually feeling about the programs, etc.  I had a minor meltdown/freak out because I'd missed a memo and that dropped me right back into the 'why was I the only one who didn't get this' hole.  Turns out I wasn't the only one who didn't get the memo, so my minor meltdown/freak out was unwarranted.  J and I had our date night tonight and pretty much broke down how we've both been feeling about everything that's going on and how we're dealing with it.  Frankly I'm glad that I've still got a goal cuz the urge to stress eat is STRONG!  Also, she is remarkable quotable... I'm not gonna share all of them with you but my favorite went something like:
Me: You know I use humor to deal with crap.
J: I know, and it drives me CRAZY!  We'll be talking about a serious subject, and you'll pop off with something to make us laugh!  Can you just be serious?!
Honestly - no, I can't.  Humor (or humour as she'd spell it), sarcasm, inappropriate comments, it's how I deal.  Especially with big problems - gotta break it down into humorous, manageable bits.  Yes, I am a massive mess - but I'm a cute mess!  I have no idea what we're going to be doing for work, but at least we don't have kid germs around!  Yeah, I'm sad a lot - but look how cute my shark is with his fishie!  Gotta be able to find the humor and/or silver lining.  People suck, but you're ok!  Hehe.

Moth by Hellyeah is also really good, FYI.  Funny... 3 different people told me today that I need to stop being so hard on myself.  I've heard "You're human" in some way from each one of them today.  I think I'm sensing a pattern.  My favorite is from T - "Mozart needed piano lessons at one point."  That one made me cry a little - he's so good at saying what I need to hear sometimes.  It's like he knows me!  And now I'm wondering if Mozart learned on a harpsichord or a piano... google says he learned piano.  I will trust the Google. 

Anyway, the trees are starting to get the memo that it's spring... look what is happening to one of them on the way to work!!

Right in central park!  I'll be sure to keep you updated on my favorite tree, too.  It's officially been a year since I've been here - the trees and flowers are back!