Adventures In Overtime

So I went out last Friday night and we went to a bar that had this: a Superbowl breakfast.  LOL.

Had to share cuz the superbowl in the AM is just too funny.  Also, this is my caramel macchiato from Holly's... isn't it pretty?!?

And the other day, look at what I found.  Isn't she pretty?!  I really miss American muscle cars... I mean, the one from the 70's would be nice to see but this was pretty sexy, too.

Turns out I was missing quite a lot of American-type things.  For example, the snack cracker situation in Korea is really quite sad.  They have crackers, but the crackers are sweet.  So you are expecting a salty snack and you get sweet.  Very jarring the first time it happens.

Now don't get me wrong.  I do like living here.  However, I'm starting to realize just how much I miss things like a variety of savory snack crackers.  I tell you, if my family wasn't sending me clubs, I'm not sure what I would have done.  Been much more cranky, I'm sure.  LOL.

Anyway, I'm pretty much tired all the time because we're doing overtime right now (as you know, immersion program).  Most of the kids are good, but there's always one or two that are just... trying.  Here is what I'm realizing... ready... are you sitting down??  It's a big one... I don't think I'm a very good teacher.  There, I said it.  I mean, we have some fun and for the most part they are speaking English, but when it comes to discipline or just feeling like I'm actually teaching them anything I want to curl up in the fetal position and cry.  The scores for their book test were laughable.  I don't know if they just don't care or get too distracted with everything else going on or what, but it would be really easy for me to dive into a bottle every night to a) sleep and b) feel a little better.  There really isn't much danger of that, by the way.  I mean, I like my wine with dinner but I can't imagine working with kids AND a hangover.

I think feeling like this is a part of my problem here.  For the most part, I really don't object to much.  I mean, having some of the Americanisms that make life more convenient would be nice (looking at you, dryer that uses energy and drys clothes in mins), but not having them now will just mean I appreciate them more later.  Living where things like masks aren't needed would also be nice, but frankly I think the germaphobes are going to take over and soon everyone will always be in a mask or risk being ostracized.

It is fun feeling like I'm all incognito.  BTW - this is a post-Costco pic... that's right, I go shopping to Costco with a backpack and 2 reusable bags.  AND I take the bus.  It's a wild life.  LOL.

I'm also ready for weather that doesn't require thermals.  The amount of consideration I put into clothing because I don't have a car/heater is almost dismal.  I realized this AM that I forgot to put in earrings because I was too busy catching up with people back home.  Getting updates on the joys of home ownership/selling/dealing with the buyers after the deal has gone thru.  I'm telling you, I'm gonna either live in an RV or rent forever.  Everything else seems like such a pain!  Of course, I may regret those words some day... we shall see.

Anyway, I just wanted to give you a quick update on the overtime and tiredness.  I had the thought the other day that adulthood is just relating to a different one of the 7 dwarves at any time during the day.  LOL.

Also, I'm struggling with another epiphany.  I can't demand that people treat me how I feel I should be treated.  I know this is something that I always struggle with because I'm the kind of person who would go thru Hell for someone I love, and I just want those same people to feel the same about me.  I can't honestly expect that... and yet, I want to.  It's a crappy situation, and one of the reasons that I'm so 'guarded' as J calls it.  She's really not wrong - when I'm the type who will literally do anything to make someone else's day a little better, is it so bad to expect the same from them?!  I know the answer to that... and it's a sucky answer.  The thing is, when I go thru the cycle, I end up on the other side which can only be called "apathy."  When someone shows me just how little they regard me, what can I do but answer in kind?  I generally try to show people what they mean to me... when they respond with less than what I'm giving... well, that's not the kind of relationship I want to last.  It sucks, it really does, but I feel like there's not much I can do about it.  I have to accept people for who they are, not for who I want them to be, right??  Sigh... I need cuddles.

On the other hand, when a man tells me 'I just want to make sure you are comfortable' I catch myself going... what?!  That has NEVER been a part of ANY convo I've had with a guy.  I am so bad at this whole dating thing.  However, I feel like I need to - at least casually while I'm here - in order to truly heal from past hurts.  I know I need that healing... I just don't know what will help and what will hurt, you know?!  Sigh... healing is not linear... healing is not linear... I must remember that.  

And on that less than happy note, I'll leave you for the week.  I may update you on my weekend, but it's probably going to be pretty low-key.  I'm thinking of making stew for M(C) this weekend, which could be fun.  I'm going to make the stew and then bake it with stuffing on top (cuz I have that... don't ask) and see how it turns out.  Hopefully it'll taste good.  He'll tell me if it doesn't.  I love his honesty... my quote from him today 'You look worse than you usually do.'  LOL - he clarified that I looked angry, not bad, but it was really funny.